It's A Wonderful Life
by Legend Maker
Summary: This Christmas...what would the world be like if you had never been born? It's a story worth telling, many times over. Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays.
1. Prelude: Worth More Dead Than Alive

_**It**__**'**__**s A Wonderful Life**_

Prelude: Worth More Dead Than Alive

_Christmas Eve._

Titans Tower and the city it overlooked were quiet, as light snow drifted down onto its denizens. Normally, Noel Collins would have tried to raise a stink over whatever method his teammates had used to alter the weather, AGAIN, but he was trying something else in the most recent part of his life, which was not being a hair trigger jerkwad. He still didn't think it could be good for the local bio-systems and weather patterns, but Robin let it pass. Noel figured that Tim probably knew what he was talking about.

"So, you're sure this stuff won't make me grow a second head or something." Noel said, looking at the vial as best he could in the flickering firelight. He wasn't sure how Raven had gotten the fireplace into her room, but considering all he knew about his long-time girlfriend, he didn't question it. Nothing this year had made her, or him, unhappy, and he wanted it to stay this way.

"Trust me Noel. Just put it in the cocoa. You'll be glad you did." Raven said. Noel turned the vial over in his fingers one more time, and finally tapped its contents into the cocoa, stirring the drink with a spoon before cautiously lifting it to his lips.

"…geeeekh." Savior squeaked, as the sensation washed over his mouth and down his throat. "Good lord, this bleep _IS _good."

"Language, Noel. Maybe some can't make it out, but I can." Raven said. Noel was about to say something when Raven's communicator rang.

"Raven." She said as an answer.

"Hey, no fourth wall breaking! That's all I have that distinguishes me!" Gauntlet yelled on the other end. "Also, where can I get some of what Noel's having?"

"Well Robert, first you'd have to find a girl, and then you'd have to get her to LIKE you, and then the blood will flow to the soft tissue in…" Noel said, smirking before Raven punched him. "Ow."

"Oh ha ha." Gauntlet said. "It's not like I couldn't get a girlfriend if I wanted to. I'm just busy. Really, right circumstances, I'm a babe magnet. A chick catalyst. A lady logarithm. I think you get my point."

"Because they sure don't, hey-yo." Noel smirked.

"You should write for Letterman. Anyway, later." Gauntlet said, signing off.

"…how long before he comes back realizing I never answered his question?" Noel asked.

"Eight seconds."

"I say eleven." Noel replied, and waited.

It was actually ten seconds later that Raven's communicator crackled again.

"Hey wait a minute! What are you drugging his hot chocolate with and where can I get some?"

"It's from Starfire. Some Tamaranian spice, so ask her. Just make sure you're very specific, or…well, you saw what happened when Beast Boy mispronounced one syllable when he tried to ask her for a needle and thread."

"THANKS FOR BRINGING IT UP! THAT'S A MONTH OF THERAPY WASTED!" Beast Boy yelled in the background of Gauntlet's communicator. Savior chuckled to himself.

"Still, this IS good stuff, Gauntlet. If Raven hadn't given it to me I'd think it WAS some kind of drug."

"It might still be. Kinda sad to resort to roofies, Rae. Anyway, I better get going. You two have fun doing whatever it is you're up too."

"Oi. Is it really that strange for me to snark back?" Noel said.

"Considering what we usually know you for? Yes." Raven said. "Don't stop though. I like it."

"Well, it helps that everything was quiet this year. No massive gatherings or toy riots or religious nuts or evil Santa Clauses…nice and peaceful. Even WITH Adam visiting us again." Noel said, settling back as Raven leaned into him, both of them watching the fire dance on the logs as it slowly consumed them.

Raven was silent for a bit, feeling Noel's heart beat softly against her back. After the strange dimension-hopping Titan called Metatron, who was the lone self-invited guest of the Titans this year, did NOT respond to mention of his name by appearing and doing something strange, Raven sipped her own drink, musing on the flames as they burned.

"Noel?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what?"

"Remember last year?"

"Do I have to?" Noel groaned. "That time was no fun, especially for both of us. I'd rather leave that rough patch behind us, along with the other ones. Not to mention what happened in October with the Lanterns."

"Well, I was just wondering about something…" Raven said. "I noticed after the mess with the Church of the True Son you were in a bad mood, but when I saw you next, it had passed. Considering how well I know you, you tend to brood. I could chalk it up to greater maturity…"

"Perish the thought." Noel mused, drinking more cocoa.

"Except I later found a trace of strange energies on the roof I saw you coming down from. Very faint, so much that it slipped my mind until now…"

"You want to know what happened up there."

"Did something?"

"What, like I was kidnapped by some alien dimension and they replaced me with some sort of clone they made, and the real me is stuck in the other dimension all mutated and angry and wanting revenge? PHANTASMAGORIA…!" Noel said, sounding like he was rattling off what was supposed to be a comical reference.

Raven stared.

"…right, I forget you don't spend as much time on the internet as I do." Savior said.

"I HEARD THAT, CURTIS! I mean, Noel." Gauntlet's voice crackled on the communicator. Raven stared again, and then turned her communicator off.

"So something did happen?"

"…yes, actually."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Well, at the time I just wanted to keep things peaceful, and like you, I guess it slipped my mind." Noel said. "You want me to tell the other Titans, or just you? It's a long story."

"…I _would _like to know. We can decide if the others have to." Raven said.

"All right then." Noel said, taking a moment to locate the special coaster-esque item Raven had enchanted to keep drinks warm and put his cocoa on it. "Well, after we all got back to the Tower, I was in a pretty foul mood. Didn't want to sour anyone else's holiday, so I went up to the roof to get some privacy…"

* * *

_Christmas Eve. One year ago._

Deep down, Noel knew he was being a prick.

He really shouldn't have. True, he'd just come within a hair's edge of dying, again, and so had several of his other teammates, not to mention the Tower had almost been blown up (again). None of that had happened, and Raven's recent awkward coldness towards him had faded when she realized he hadn't been killed. He really should have felt grateful, for the sake of the others if not himself.

He _was, _however, still human. The fact remained that Raven had begun treating him like a semi-pariah without giving any reason for it herself, or presenting one that Noel could figure out, a state that had taken him nearly getting shot to death for her to stop. Noel couldn't help it: pain and fear were one of the best ways to bring out resentment, and logic was rarely an effective weapon against the wounds of the heart.

So here he was on the roof. It was cold, but not cold enough to change his mind. He needed to be alone, if only because he thought he'd have a better chance of getting over it alone. Also, he didn't want to ruin the holiday for the others…

Wonderful. He was Scrooge, again. He could live with being as hard and sharp as a flint, but he didn't really want to be a solitary as an oyster, when things came down to it.

"If anyone wants to bring out some Christmas ghosts, I wouldn't be opposed." Savior said. He wasn't expecting an answer, and he didn't get one. "I'll take a Jacob Marley! Hell, I'll even take an inexplicable steam train."

Savior glanced around, expecting Metatron to pop out of the shadows and begin babbling again, especially off a line like that. He really didn't want that to happen: as perspicacious as the strange Titan's judgment could be, Noel really wasn't in the mood to hear it.

_And why is that Collins? You don't want him ruining the self-indulgence of your sulk?_ A voice chimed up in the back of his head. Noel covered his face with one hand and muttered. Even his brain was against him these days.

"It is the nature of humans to be torn in such ways."

Noel tore his hand off his face, his eyes widening at the new figure in front of him. Reacting on instinct, Savior leapt backwards, Shimmer weapons springing from his hands. The cloaked figure made no move in turn, as Savior stared at him, blinking. It took several seconds, but recognition slowly dawned in the Titan's eyes.

"…_Phantom Stranger?!_" Noel said in confused surprise.

"So you know of me, Noel Collins." The Phantom Stranger replied. Savior stared another moment before calling back his talent, looking at the entity standing on the empty air in front of the tower. The snow seemed to drift around his dark blue cloaks, not one flake landing on the hat that cast the Stranger's face in shadow. Normally Noel would have been alarmed that someone he'd never met was speaking his real name…but while Noel had never met the Stranger, he'd heard a thing or two about him. You didn't date a magician for years without not learning such things.

The mysterious entity who wandered the world and occasionally aided or advised heroes before him was one of them. No one knew where he came from, or what his goals were. Many said the Stranger himself no longer knew, if he ever did to begin with. But in times of great disaster, usually of the magical variety, the Stranger would appear and lend a hand, or a word.

Knowing that didn't lessen Noel's mild confused alarm.

"…yeah…I do. Why are you HERE?" Savior said, keeping on alert, just in case.

"My wanderings have brought me here. They will later take me elsewhere. I am, as always, a stranger to all things." The Phantom Stranger said. "I took notice of you as I passed, however."

"Why? Am I in danger? Is Raven?" Noel said.

"No, it was more that your isolation from your fellows is self-imposed."

"…and you disagree with this?" Noel said, peering around to make sure he wasn't being pranked in some fashion.

"I can assure you I am very real, Noel Collins." The Phantom Stranger said. Noel swallowed a bit, feeling like he was being looked through like glass, and not much liking the idea. "Your teammates are not, and will not be, interfering with your grievances. Though I point out to you the same realization you have had: they serve little purpose besides self-indulgence. I am, by who I am, destined to wander alone. You are not."

"Is my thinking process completely wrong, then?"

"…no. The feelings you have are…understandable."

"I don't suppose you can tell me why my girlfriend is, or was, to be fair, being so cold to me, unless, of course, I nearly get shot to death."

"That is not my place."

"Right. How about telling me how to get back to the way it used to be with her?"

"That is within your responsibility, not mine."

"I figured. Well, it was nice meeting you, and Merry Christmas, but you can probably be of more use elsewhere, Stranger." Noel said.

"…do you really believe such bitterness is the best approach to have, Noel Collins?"

"What? Look, if you're really so all-seeing, you should know why I'm doing it. Also, please, my name?"

"As you wish, Savior." The Phantom Stranger said. Noel arched an eyebrow, trying to tell if there was a hint of subtle irony in the Stranger's tone.

"…no. I don't think this is the best way. But I can't help how I feel at the moment." Savior said.

"Perhaps you need a differing viewpoint." The Stranger said.

"Look, I know why my teammates are in a good mood, I can even dismiss why…oh wait. Wait. I get it now. I've seen this movie." Noel said. "You want to pull that card? Why don't I just ring a bell?"

"Pardon?"

"Really, I had heard you might be a fallen angel, Stranger, but I doubt anything I can do will get you your wings back. And if by some infinitesimal chance you _have _somehow become my guardian angel, you're about five years and a giant backlog of events too late."

"…pardon?" The Stranger repeated, his face remaining inscrutable.

"…right. I suppose you might not be up to date on the entertainment industry." Noel said. "I thought you were going to replicate the plot of a famous Christmas film, and show me a world where I was never born, and how that I should be grateful for my life because the world would surely be so much worse without me in it."

"…actually, I was planning to do something else entirely, but I believe that concept may help more." The Stranger said. "You are aware of the flaws of your position, but not enough to actually abandon them. Perhaps a world affected by your absence would allow you to…"

"…waitwaitwaitwait. Hold it." Noel said. "Are you serious? You actually want to do that."

"It would help. Sometimes I do give aid, Titan."

"You pop up out of nowhere, and now you want to use your powers to show THE WORLD WITHOUT SAVIOR." Noel said, keeping the mockery in his voice directed at the concept rather then the one offering it.

"You have seen stranger things than…well, what a Stranger can bring, Titan." The Phantom Stranger said. Savior cocked his head, thinking for a few moments.

"You can actually do that?"

"The fact that you know of me should answer your question."

"………….All right. I accept. But I have one condition."

"Yes?"

"Showing me a world where I wasn't born is…too easy. I want more data, if it were. Expand the idea. I want to see what would happen if none of my teammates had been born."

"All of them?"

"No, not a world where _none _of the core Titans were born, well, yes that but…ugh." Savior said. "I wish, if we're going to be following this hoary old concept, to see separate worlds. Worlds where Cyborg wasn't born, where Scalpel wasn't, and so on. All of us. Just my team though, not any of our offshoots or honoraries, that would take too long. Just knowing what would happen if I didn't exist isn't enough. I want to know just how important we are all together. See all parts of the whole, I guess." Savior said.

"You would make…demands of me?"

"No. If this is beyond your power, then merely show me what you originally planned to. But if not…consider it a gift. After all, part of the season is asking what you want. Within reason, of course."

"…I suppose your request has grounds." The Phantom Stranger said. "Shall we begin then?"

Noel suddenly had an intense sense of vertigo, as the roof he was on began fading away…

* * *

"_**Where do you wish to start?"**_

"_Surprise me."_

"_**Classical fashion seems best, then…"**_


	2. Part 1: All Of The Other Reindeer

No Robin: All Of The Other Reindeer

"_**Timothy Drake. He was the third to bear the Robin name, and one of your founders. He has lead you through everything a hero could conceive of and many things you could not."**_

"_No Tim? This probably isn't going to be good. He might have dragged Batman back from insanity after he lost Jason. Not to mention what you said about what he did for us."_

"_**Those that are gone can have the most unexpected effects on those who remain…"

* * *

**_

_Jump City, California._

"On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…most anything I wanted! Screw birds and trees with fruit!" Gizmo cackled, as his magnetic beam ripped the door off the vault and cast it aside.

"Hurry it up Gizmo." Mammoth grunted, looking around the wrecked bank lobby the Troika had made their abrupt entrance into.

"Oh relax Mammoth! The Titans haven't been seen in Jump in days! Maybe this time, they'll actually stay gone!" Gizmo cackled as he used a strange vacuum-like device to suck money into a sack.

"Still don't see why we had to rob a bank on their turf." Mammoth said, as Jinx skipped inside, leaving groaning police officers and wrecked cars in her wake.

"Why climb Mt. Everest? Because it's there!" Jinx said.

"See? Jinx has the right idea!" Gizmo said.

"How many people have successfully climbed that damned mountain?" Mammoth asked.

"You forget." Jinx said, as she poked out with a finger and tied an unconscious guard's shoelaces together. "You have Lady Luck by your side!"

The sonic cannon blast took Jinx full in the back, and she screamed as she was thrown across the room, a potted plant shattering as she crashed into it. Mammoth whirled instinctively to follow Jinx's flight, and then whirled back the other way with a growl.

"Looks like you're overdrawn at the luck bank." Cyborg said, lowering his cannon. "We're here to collect the debt."

"Oh crud." Mammoth said. "Please don't…"

"In fact we'll count the debt off!" Cyborg said.

"AUGH!"

"One!" Cyborg said, thumping his chest. A second later silver energy carved a hole in the wall.

"Two!" Argent said.

"Three!" Beast Boy said as he dropped down on Cyborg's shoulder as a monkey. After that, the blonde-haired Jericho popped out from behind a pillar.

Silence, as the Troika looked at the new member.

"Aren't you MUTE?" Gizmo said.

Jericho glanced at the tech genius, and then held up a small sign.

FIVE.

"…darn it Jericho I'M five!" The last member of the Titans said, as Superboy flew in through the same door Cyborg had come through.

MY BAD.

"Anyway guys, I figure the score is something like twenty-four us, zero you. Why don't you just come quietly?" Cyborg said.

"WHY DON'T YOU COME APART!" Jinx yelled, back on her feet as she unleashed waves of her fuchsia energies. The ground erupted into smoky explosions as the Titans dove for cover and came back up shooting, Argent returning fire on Jinx while Cyborg fired several of his own, more indirect shots at the Troika overall.

Mammoth stumbled forward, and much to his surprise he found who he wanted immediately.

"It must be Christmas." Mammoth said, looking at Superboy as he floated above the ground, his leather jacket flapping in the projected winds of the battleground inside the bank. "I owe you PAIN, punkass."

"Think you've gotten any better, hairbag?" Superboy asked. Mammoth's only response was to loudly crack his knuckles before charging forward.

"Hey Cyborg, next time, leave the clever entry lines to me. Yours SUCK." Beast Boy, having turned back to normal and taken up a position by Cyborg's side.

"Hey B, cut me some slack. You can't excel at every-"

"Dude, no no! Not Beast Boy! I'm CHANGELING now!" Beast Boy/Changeling said. "New costume, new name, same old great stuff!"

"…rightttttttttt." Cyborg said, scanning around as Beast Boy primped in his new red and white costume.

"Now…let's give those dumb Hive kids some VITAMIN C." Changeling said.

"…what?"

"Sorry, that sounded a lot better in my head." Changeling said. "But come on! We both have C names! Surely we can come up with something badass from that!"

"Can we beat up the villains first?" Cyborg said, and ducked abruptly as a bellowing Mammoth flew over his head.

"…aha! I know! How about 'C is for us, it's good enough for _YOU!_'" Changeling said.

"…maybe if we were still in grade school." Cyborg said.

"Uh…C2? Like, we're…twice as concentrated as C4? And hence…more explosive?"

"B, oh sorry, _**C**_, maybe we're just not cut out to have a badass combined C name." Cyborg said. "I mean, do we really need a theme name? We have our dignity. We're superheroes, not wrestlers."

The laser blast shot out and impacted on Cyborg, drilling right through the worst part of the male anatomy it could. It even made Cyborg scream, as Gizmo chortled nearby, pleased at how well his sensor-jammers worked.

"Owwwww…!" Cyborg whined.

"Huh, so you DO have testes. I guess I owe Baran five bucks." Gizmo smirked.

"SCREW! YOU!" Cyborg yelled, as his shoulders snapped open and missiles flew at Gizmo. The cackling midget flew around on his jet pack, the missiles flying past him, even as Gizmo escaped from a leaping wolf with a fancy twirl.

"Here, I'll give you another shot!" Gizmo yelled as a device on his arm opened up and extracted a crackling taser. "Maybe after this, you can sing in the high C's!"

Cyborg opened his mouth to respond, then stopped. Gizmo blinked.

Jericho dropped into sight in front of the Troika leader then, his brilliant blue eyes going pitch black.

_CONTACT._

A moment later Jericho was gone. A moment after that, Gizmo jammed the taser into his own leg, yelling for a moment before collapsing to the ground in a twitching heap.

Jericho phased back into existence above Gizmo's body, twitching a bit himself. He rolled his shoulders and pulled out a sign.

SEE YOU LATER.

A pause, and then Jericho produced a marker, crossed SEE off, and wrote down C instead. Cyborg groaned, though Changeling chuckled.

"And I give this whole routine a C." Superboy said, walking over with Mammoth's unconscious body over his shoulder.

"Hey Superboy. Have any trouble?" Argent said, appearing herself from the dust filling the bank.

"A little. He's really got a mad-on for me, this guy. Not mad enough yet." Superboy said, laying Mammoth down. "Speaking of mad, where's Jinx, Argent?"

"…I thought you had her!" Argent said, looking at Jericho.

NO, I'M NOT GOOD WITH BLASTERS.

"…oh bleep, where did…!" Cyborg said.

"Out the door." Came a new voice.

The Titans turned to look at the black-suited man walked into the bank, carrying a limp Jinx with him. The Titans stood at attention, realizing they'd mucked up and that their mentor had had to step in.

"Good thing I was out there." Nightwing said. "Then again, with probability manipulators, you have trouble figuring out what's your fault and what's theirs. So I'll give you a pass this time guys. Still, work on it."

"Sure thing Nightwing." Cyborg said. He may have been team leader, but Nightwing helped keep everything smooth backstage. After the mess with Trigon, it was appreciated.

"All right then." Nightwing said. "Let's get these guys to jail and then maybe we can…"

"Hello! Hello!" Changeling's communicator abruptly said. The green-skinned Titan removed it from his belt: he didn't recognize the voice.

"Joe's Taxidermy: you snuff 'em, we stuff 'em." Changeling said.

"What? How could…oh. Ha ha. This is Gauntlet, from the Justice League reserves. I'm up here on the satellite, noticed the ruckus. Need any help?"

"This is Cyborg, Titans leader. No, we're good, Mr. Gauntlet. Thanks anyway." Cyborg said into his personal communicator.

"Sooooooo…I bet you need some Waynetech stuff to safely haul those guys to prison, right?"

"No, we're good." Cyborg said.

"You sure? We've got a Neural Disrupter. Keeps 'em asleep for like a week."

"I think they'll be out for two already." Superboy cracked.

"How about a…I'm not sure what it is. I haven't gotten training for it, but it's shiny and has blinking lights."

"Gauntlet…" Nightwing said, taking Beast Boy's communicator. "We have the situation in hand. Have a good day."

Gauntlet's reply was cut off as Nightwing closed the communicator.

"That was kind of mean, Nightwing." Argent said. Jericho held up a sign that said SOUNDS LIKE HE'S JUST TRYING TO HELP. How the mute hero made his signs so quick, Nightwing had never figured out. When he'd asked Jericho, Nightwing had gotten a pained look on the mute's face as he produced a sign that simply read 'That damn panda' and then changed the subject.

"Hey, it sucks being on monitor duty, I know." Nightwing said. "But you have to get your hands dirty, or rather, learn how to live without doing that. Patience is a virtue."

"No wonder these guys never learn." Argent said, looking at the Troika.

"One of our blessings." Nightwing said. "Let's go Titans. They're not paying us by the hour."

The Titans finished up the needed tasks, securing the Troika and making sure they hadn't hurt anyone too severely, before heading off. Once again, Jump City was safe.

For now.

* * *

_The JLA Watchtower._

"Man, why would you _want _to go out? This setup gets every cable channel and the fastest internet I've ever seen! Chill out and veg, Gauntlet." Cyclone said. Gauntlet's looked at his co-monitor duty partner, as she grinned and spun around in a chair like her namesake powers.

"Well, if I'd wanted to get on monitor duty, and still get it tossed my way after SEVERAL YEARS…well, my dad runs BULWARK." Gauntlet grouched. "I know it's important, but I get antsy watching everyone else get the fun and glory."

"Well then why'd you join the Justice League to begin with?"

"Well, erm, you see, it's a long and complicated story, involving time travel, the 52 worlds, and an assist from an Eskimo spy named Rex."

"Liar." Came a new female voice, and a moment later the blue and red form of Supergirl dropped down from above. Cyclone glanced at the Kryptonian, and then at her monitor partner, who seemed nervous.

"…okay, it didn't involve an Eskimo named Rex. That I cribbed from Mystery Science Theater. But everything else…"

"Rooooooooobbbbbb." Supergirl said. That voice. That voice that all women instinctively know how to use when their man was about to spread some verbal manure. Rob HATED that voice.

"Fine. It's all absolutely untrue."

"Hah." Cyclone teased. "What'd you do? Win a contest?"

"No, I robbed a bank. I don't want to talk about why. Kara knows. She's allowed to know. You aren't." Gauntlet said, his good humor abruptly reversing. Cyclone raised an eyebrow.

"…robbed a bank. Was this some special crime bank I've never heard of?"

"Well, it was a Washington Mutual, which means it's special in that it's either a Chase or shot down. I like to think that wasn't my fault. But I basically, under my hometown Uberton's law, got an option for community service on a superhero team instead of jail time. They sent out applications, and the JLA is the only one that didn't turn me down."

"Apparently Green Arrow isn't the best at sorting mail." Supergirl said.

"Ah……it wasn't him. It was some new guy…Scryer? Yeah, he missed it, and it caused the time to mail in the denial to pass, so here I am. Apparently this peeved off some of the higher ups, and they removed him from the team until he 'had enough responsibility'." Gauntlet said.

"…so you got on the team by kicking someone else off." Cyclone said, though her eyes showed a merry twinkle.

"Nah, the guy didn't fit." Supergirl said. "He was a jerk."

"I dunno Kara. Maybe it was because he just had terrible luck. Tried to get taken in by Batman when he started out, THAT didn't work out either. Apparently after nearly losing J…Robin No 2, Batman didn't like recklessness and the newbie's attitude rubbed him the wrong way. He found someone else, but his time with Bats let him get on the Justice League…until I got him kicked off. Heh heh heh, oops?"

"You bad boy." Cyclone said, and lifted her drink bottle only to discover it empty. "Oh darn it, that darn vending machine is halfway across the satellite."

Winds whipped up as Cyclone floated up and flew off, heading to get more of the beverage she'd run out of.

"Funny thing, that. I don't remember her drinking all that much of it." Gauntlet said.

"Super speed. I never get tired of it." Supergirl said.

"Gasp! No!" Gauntlet espoused in mock horror. "Soda theft! Your cousin would be horrified!"

"You're right. I'd better be careful about who I hang out with." Supergirl said, floating around to Gauntlet's front. "I might fall into bad habits like…bank robbery."

"Oh, you cut me to the quick!" Gauntlet complained. Supergirl smirked and leaned in.

"Cut? Uh oh. Better kiss it better."

_Hm. What would Ollie do here…no, I'd better not._ Gauntlet thought. _It won't take Cyclone THAT long to get back. Better keep it PG._

"Stop thinking about what Ollie would do." Supergirl teased.

"But he does fun things…and stop using your Super Feminine Intuition."

"That isn't a power and you know it."

"Makes me feel better about failing at lying, though." Gauntlet said. Supergirl quieted him briefly with her lips.

"…Mm. Super kisses." Gauntlet said afterward. "I swear it's a super power. No joke."

"Flattery will get you all sorts of _interesting_ places…" Supergirl said.

"Ahem." Cyclone piped up, having returned. A moment later Supergirl had demonstrated her super speed again, vanishing without a trace.

"…ah man!" Gauntlet groused.

"Calm down cowboy. We're on duty for another three hours." Cyclone said, sitting back down. Gauntlet sighed deeply and turned back to his checklist.

"Paraguay?"

"Clear."

"Madagascar?"

"Clear."

"Djibouti?"

"You're making that name up…"

* * *

_Gotham City._

Always the same.

Edward Nygma would send out his brilliant work, and the Batman would unfurl it despite all his best efforts. Shortly after, Batman crashed into wherever Nygma was staying and then it was fisticuffs, pain, and a trip back to Arkham.

This time however…there was a new wrinkle. A rather large one.

"Riddle me this, Batman…WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!" Riddler said, indicating the form crouched over one of his henchmen.

"Your riddles are getting worse all the time, Nygma." Batman said from somewhere in the shadows.

"No, no, I'm SERIOUS. What the HELL is that? That Robin is not human!"

Nigel Hastings looked at the Riddler, having finally gotten used to the dark crimson mask-plate that covered most of his features. The armored costume had taken a while to adjust to, but Batman had refused to let him go out in his species' traditional clothing, which Jason said looked like 'a rainbow had thrown up on'. Somewhat disheartening, but Nigel respected the judgment of his human mentor. He'd been harder, and yet kinder, on Nigel than anyone in all of the accursed empire he'd fled from, and Nigel was a better creature for it.

"Of course I am…I'm just something new." Nigel said.

"What? Dark gray skin and ears out to here? Are you riddling my leg, Bruce?!"

Nigel froze.

"…what did you call me?" Batman said in the shadows.

"Oh please! I've known for years! The riddle is, what can you do to keep it a…"

"Night Terror, take him down."

"Yes sir." Nigel/Night Terror said, and lunged forward.

"Crap." Riddler said. Apparently some things never changed.

"This could be a problem." Another voice said, as Night Terror treated Edward Nygma like a well-favored chew toy.

"I may have to apply some careful chemical treatment to muddle his brain some. Carefully, of course. Just enough to doubt himself." Batman said. "Nygma never does anything without being certain of it. A little doubt is all we need."

"Too many questions…" The Riddler groaned, as he passed out in Night Terror's hands. Night Terror gently laid him down as Batman and another man, this one dressed in red, green, and black with a black hood completely covering his head, emerged from the shadows.

"Sirs." Nigel said. Batman looked over his enemy for a moment.

"…excellent. Minimal injury despite your immense strength." Batman said.

"Though your entrances need a little work." Red Robin added, gesturing to the large hole in the wall Nigel had made in his entrance. Batman and Red Robin had selected the softer-overall window option to get inside Nygma's base.

"Ah, yes, sorry. I went for a…direct approach."

"Just keep it in mind." Batman said. One of the thugs groaned, and Night Terror glanced in his direction.

"…is he going to be all right?"

Red Robin stared a moment before semi-cracking up.

"Aw man…ahem. Sorry." Red Robin said, as Batman cast a disapproving glance his way. "It's just that we're the reason they're hurt."

"I realize they're criminals, but shouldn't we, I don't know, do some basic first aid or…"

"Unless certain events occur, not our job." Batman said.

"Feeling the old doctoring itch, night elf?" Red Robin said, calling Nigel by his personal nickname for him.

"Setting an arm is better than breaking one…" Nigel mused.

"It is." Batman said, as he headed back to the shadows, having tied up his foes and contacted the authorities. He would slip in to do the dirtier work with Nygma later. "We seek to make a world where that is the norm."

Red Robin and Night Terror had nothing to say to that, as they followed their leader, vanishing back into the shadows.

* * *

_Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, Los Angeles._

"Aspiration is almost done." The doctor said. "Get the screen ready."

The surgical assistant turned the viewing screen towards the doctor, who looked at it for several moments. A moment later he turned back to the patient, who lay beneath him with part of his skull removed. Said patient was a 42 year old male and father of three who had been diagnosed with a malignant tumor in the brain stem. A few years ago, the doctor would have little to offer save the roulette wheel of chemotherapy and high odds of death.

But medicine marched on, sometimes in the most unusual ways.

"All right. The tumor has been loosened up enough. I'm going to initiate removal."

"Ready, sir." Another voice said nearby.

"All right, here we go." The doctor said, holding out his hands.

Sophie Mathews cocked her head, watching as white lines emerged from the doctor's sleeves and slowly flowed down into the patient's exposed cranial cavity.

"Watch the screen Miss Mathews." The doctor said, as he leaned down to begin his work. Sophie did so, watching the images on the stereotactic localization screen. Even with the special tool, it was delicate work, but a few hours later, the black spot that had marred the patient's brain was all gone. Hopefully forever.

"I believe that is all, Miss Mathews." The doctor said, as the white lines retracted back under his clothing. He backed away from the patient, flexing his shoulders. "What does the screen say?"

"It agrees with you, Doctor Guzman." Sophie said, though she took a look at several different shots to be sure.

"Right. Okay Doctor Simonton, close him up. We've hopefully done all that's needed." Doctor Guzman said, stepping away from his patient. "You all right there, Mr. Collins?"

"You're doing all the hard work, doctor." Noel said as he stepped up from the bench he sat on during the procedure, the Shimmer lines having fully withdrawn into his body. "I'm just sitting over there and providing the tools."

"Enjoy it while you can." Sophie said, heading over. "Soon you'll be standing over the patients doing all the work."

"That's still awhile away, Sophie." Noel said. "Medical training isn't like being in the army. I should know."

"You were in the army?" A random nurse said. Noel glanced over, not sure where the woman had come from.

"…in a sense. Another life. Found a new one, doing this." Noel said. "Better then sitting around on a board managing my trust. Actually get something done this way." _And thank you for that anyway, Bruce._

"When's the next procedure?" Doctor Guzman asked.

"Three days." Sophie said. "10 AM."

"Right then. Keep at rest, Mr. Collins. Don't wear yourself out with your studies. You're young. Plenty of time to get your degree."

"If he doesn't get any more fast-tracking." Sophie teased.

"Oh, the genius is jealous of me. I should be honored. I'm the one with the special nervous-system based power, why SHOULDN'T I get a little preference."

"Oh shaddup."

"Sounds like a plan." Noel said, heading out of the room, pulling his face mask and hair-cap off, his long white hair showing gratitude at being released. Sophie followed him out, as Noel pulled out a cell phone and checked his email.

"…so. Heard anything from your family?" Noel asked.

"Not since they came down on the wrong side of the Titans." Sophie said. "The Titans are nice. Helped me a lot. Did you ever meet them?"

"No…didn't have enough time. But good on them. They why you here?" Noel said.

"No. That was a decided change of lifestyle. I actually wanted to be an undertaker."

"Ah. Good choice. Better to use that big 'ol brain of yours for the living instead of the dead." Noel said, putting the phone away. "Let's go get some pizza, Sophie. Then get back to the long slog of being a doctor."

"I already did my assignments."

"WHAT? Do you SLEEP? Are you a VAMPIRE or something?"

"Oh Noel." Sophie said, as the two walked down the hallway. "A lady must have some secrets."

* * *

_The Juggernaut. Super-Max Security Prison for Metahuman Criminals. Location unknown and highly classified._

The buzz caused Koriand'r eyes to flutter open, and she sat up from her bed, her ears detecting the low hum in the walls as they powered up. Someone either wanted to talk to her, or it was meal time again. Hard to keep track of time, in her cell.

She kept still, waiting to see what was going on. As the alien had found out, if she tried anything that could be construed as a threat, spires would emerge from the walls and electrocute her until she submitted. Just another one of the tricks of the bastard _homo sapiens_. Ever since she'd arrived on this planet, fleeing her previous captors, they'd shown her that maybe she would have been better off staying a slave. And they dared call her a criminal for what she'd done to survive. They were the criminals.

She'd get out, sooner or later. She'd show them that fact.

Part of the door opened, and a food tray was slid in. So it _was _meal time.

The door sealed shut behind the food, and the walls powered down. Koriand'r walked over to the meal, raising an eyebrow at it. Something new.

"What is this?" She said to herself, lifting it up.

"Christmas dinner." A speaker on her wall said. Koriand'r glanced at the box, wondering if she should turn it off. Having learned the hard way that isolated criminal metahumans tended to prompt stir-craziness, which was not a good thing when it came to people who could melt walls with their brains, the prisoners of the Juggernaut were allowed certain benefits not afforded normal human criminals. Cells wired between each other was one of them, letting them have communication that was closely monitored and easily shut down.

Koriand'r hadn't wanted one, and most of the time was annoyed by her 'cellmate', but sometimes she had her uses.

"And what is this 'Krismass dinner', Markov?"

"Turkey. That's a bird, like chicken. Mashed potatoes, gravy, that's a kind of sauce. Cranberry sauce, that's a mashed fruit. Pumpkin pie, another fruit baked in a dough shell. Good bleep, Starfire."

"Koriand'r." The alien corrected, as she tried the meal. It wasn't bad. It probably would have been better if she'd been eating it free, but she still had to eat.

"And why are we getting this new meal?"

"It's Christmas, St-Kory." Tara Markov said in her own cell, the collar around her neck suppressing her geokinetic powers. Several years being forced to wear it whenever she was caught, and she still hadn't gotten used to it. Then again, she'd never gotten used to being called a criminal either. But then-uncontrollable powers, misunderstanding superheroes, and a public defense lawyer didn't get you much in this world. It had gotten her lumped in with the forces of evil. These days, Tara was too pissed off at the world to protest it any more.

"And what's that?"

"Holiday. Where we supposedly show good will towards each other."

"…more lies. Your species has no good will."

"…not sure I wholly disagree with you, Koriand'r." Tara said, as she picked at her meal. "But hey. At least we get food."

* * *

_The Juggernaut. The highest level of security._

Soon.

They thought they had her, all sealed away down here. The fallen Titan. The spawn of the demon who'd hurt the Earth so bad. Helpless with her father destroyed.

They didn't know her. They thought with her father gone, she could do little. That's why she'd been caught, and locked away here.

They were wrong.

She had a new master now.

Soon.

Sealed in the black bubble, sigils and runes carved on the walls to negate her powers, Raven sat and waited. Waited for her time. Their time.

The night would fall eventually.

And soon would the world.

* * *

"…_right. Don't really think I much like this world."_

"_**Not all changes can be for the best."**_

"_No, but I'd rather not know any more details of that fact. Let's move on."_

"_**As you wish."**_


	3. Part 2: Holiday

No Starfire: Holiday

"_**Koriand'r, Starfire. Considered the heart of your team."**_

"_Fun. First we cut the head off, now we cut the heart out. I hope we don't end up being led by Bloodgun or something."_

"_**Not exactly…"

* * *

**_

_Somewhere in California…_

Johnny Rancid had seen a lot of bikes in his time. His crimson-streaked ride had always reigned supreme among them, whether it came to raising hell or racing stripes. Who cared if it was a 'touring bike' (the technical name for a motorcycle more commonly known as a 'hog', and Johnny had gotten 'technical' on a few people who'd called it that), it was the fastest thing on two wheels. When he'd gathered with the street racing crowd, he'd planned to take on all comers and leave them all in his dust.

He mostly had. The Fast and the Furious wannabes were too dependant on cars. Cars were nice, and had their own graces, but they lacked the options and tricks of the motorbike. He'd quickly racked up a collection of pink slips. If the owners of the cars disagreed, Johnny and his gang taught them a little lesson in respect.

The irony Johnny would have never learned came when the other motorcycle rider showed up, with his silver outfit and Matrix-trench coat, his short black hair looking recently cut and his eyes covered in sunglasses. His costume was mirrored by his own bike, with its oval-piston twin cylinder engine, dual front wheels, and hip-based redundant turning system. Johnny had taken one look at the bike and decided he wanted it.

The fact that even after every dirty trick he'd pulled hadn't netted him the bike, or the actual win when they'd raced, didn't really matter. Technically, the owner of the bike hadn't won either. He and Johnny had been so busy fighting someone else had crossed the finish line first. Johnny didn't care. He wanted the bike, and now that he had the Rider isolated with his gang, he was going to make sure the Rider learned the mistake of crossing Johnny Rancid.

As said, the irony of his actions in regards to 'respect' was completely lost on Johnny. He wouldn't have cared either way.

"All right bleephead, here's how it's going to go." Rancid said, producing his small scythe-like blade, even as his gang clustered around the rider and his motorcycle. "We're taking your wheels, and if you're good, maybe we'll just cut you up a little. A little reminder of who you bleeped with."

The Rider watched, his face impassive behind his sunglasses.

"…right then. Guess you won't prove to be very memorable after all." The Rider said. One of Johnny's gang members took this opportunity to swing a baseball bat at him from behind.

The Rider ducked, the bat whistling over him as the rider rolled backwards off his bike, completing the flip at the last second to land on his feet. He planted both hands and lifted off on them, slamming his foot into the small of his attacker's back and sending him flying into two of his fellows. The abrupt reprisal briefly stunned the gang members, allowing the rider to rise to his feet.

"You just crossed the line." The Rider said, reaching behind him into his coat. The bikers around him recoiled and looked for cover, expecting a gun,

What came out made them all stop again, before all of them started laughing. Instead of a firearm, the rider was holding what looked to be a chakra made out of leather. It came off as some sort of bizarre-looking sex toy rather than a weapon.

"…oh please, what is that, the flying bleep-whacker? GET HIM BOYS!" Rancid yelled. The bikers charged.

The Rider did not seem concerned.

"Now the line is going to cross you."

As it turned out, the device was not anything used for sexual gratification. It was, in essence, a ring-shaped club. Which the first biker found out as the Rider dodged his attack and swiped the weapon across his face, the hardened leather mass attached to the ring and grip proving as dense and painful as a hockey puck.

"What the-! HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU BLEEPING IDIOTS!?" Johnny Rancid yelled as the Rider dodged, weaved, and flowed through all the bikers, beating them down one by one. Fifty seconds later, all of his minions lay groaning or unconscious on the ground, and the Rider had set his eyes on him.

"Right then…want to settle this now?"

"BLEEP YOU!" Johnny yelled, hurling his blade via the chain it was attached to. The Rider dodged aside from the blow and sprinted towards Johnny.

Right into the sights of the gun he'd yanked out.

"Idiot." Johnny said, and squeezed the trigger.

His desire to taunt cost him his shot, as the Rider ducked at the last microsecond, the bullet blowing a hole in his coat.

Johnny didn't get a chance to fire a second shot, as the Rider lashed out with his weapon and slammed it into Johnny's throat. Johnny staggered back, gagging.

"Predictable." The Rider replied, and kicked Johnny in the chest. Johnny stumbled backwards into a streetlight post behind him, and lunged off with a yell.

The Rider didn't have anything else to say, as he dodged aside and slammed his weapon across the back of Johnny's head. The biker hit the ground and did not rise.

"It's a short circle whip, in case you're still wondering." The Rider said to Johnny's fallen form, tucking it back inside his coat. "I needed more practice with it. Same with my driving. You did better with the latter than the form…"

A crackling noise on his bike alerted the Rider, and he forgot Johnny as he trotted over and grabbed a yellow communicator off of it.

"Flay here."

"Hey! Flay! Where are you?"

"Not far…" Flay said, pressing a button on his motorcycle. A part of the machine opened up, revealing a radar with several blinking dots.

"Get over here! We're having trouble!"

"On my way…" Flay said, swinging his leg over his motorcycle and starting the engine.

Even as Rancid reared up, aiming his gun again.

Flay slapped the side of his bike, and another segment of the machine opened up as Flay jerked his head to the side. The shot went wide, and Flay yanked out a long silver length of metal and counter-attacked, the whip wrapping around Rancid's wrist and causing him to drop the gun.

"WHAT TH-!?" Rancid stammer-yelled as a massive dose of electricity exploded through his body, removing the last bit of fight from him and leaving him smoking and twitching on the ground.

"Just be grateful I didn't run you over. I could have done that, you know. Without killing you." Flay said. "Believe me, I'm VERY GOOD."

The bike engine snarled, and Flay peeled off down the road, heading to meet up with his Titan teammates and wondering what trouble they'd gotten themselves into this time.

* * *

_Somewhere else in California…_

Robin had learned to expect the unexpected in his lifetime.

He'd never expected to part terms with Batman as bitterly as he had (oh, that had been somewhat smoothed over now, but Robin didn't expect to go back to Gotham any time soon). He also hadn't expected to find that no other city felt like a right fit for him after Gotham. Making the best of this odd feeling, Robin had become nomadic.

Along the way, he'd started running into other people, young heroes and different souls who needed a cause. While they'd never found a proper home, they'd formed a team over the years. The Teen Titans. Heroes On The Go.

The Titans had become known as much for their ever-growing fleet of vehicles as for their heroics. Super-high tech automobiles created by the teenage geniuses Wendy and Martin Harris, Robin sometimes got complaints from a few of the members that they felt like they were driving around in an 80's toy line. Of course, when Robin forced them to leave the vehicles behind, he then got complaints that they couldn't use them. Robin weathered it: that was just part of being the leader. The Titans had to stay sharp, in regards to both their on-foot skills and in-vehicle skills.

Hence, when Robin and the Titans had arrived in the small town (Robin hadn't caught the name, something like Fisher Creek or Fishing Nook or something) only to find the people on the outskirts begging for help for the villain attacking the town proper, Robin had had the team leave the machines behind. Hence, the _Redbird_, _Warcry_, _Endrun_, _Prodigal_, and all the others were currently sequestered in a nearby forest.

Robin had expected a number of things…and again, he hadn't expected what he found. On the bright side, it didn't look like their vehicles would be needed.

"…what the hell." Beast Boy said, looking at their opponent…a fat, unpleasant looking man-child in a brown trench coat.

"So! Even the mighty Teen Titans fear me!" Control Freak said, gesturing towards the group. "It is well, for I know you! Well, that is! Robin! Beast Boy! Aqualad! Ragnarok! Morgue! Terra! Gauntlet! And…some of you aren't here. And you, I don't know you." Control Freak said, pointing at a large, green behemoth in jeans, a black t-shirt, and a furred jacket.

"…yes! That is who we are! Thanks for introducing us!" Gauntlet said, as Terra floated nearby on a rock platform, sitting with one leg crossed on it. "Seems to happen a lot with our enemies, doesn't it? It's like we don't have any life outside these small vignettes."

"Oh you have _no_ idea." Control Freak said.

"That's Young Frankenstein, by the way. He's new." Ragnarok said, pointing at the green giant with a thumb.

"Ha ha! What a terrible fate, for your first enemy to be me!" Control Freak declared. Young Frankenstein just grunted.  
"So…who are you? Trenchcoat Lad?" Beast Boy said.

"Looks more like the Babe Repellant." Terra said.

"Good. Less competition." Gauntlet said. Control Freak growled, even as Morgue loaded her gun and wondered if she should just go for a one-shot deal. Then again, Beast Boy, Gauntlet, and Ragnarok would probably complain about not getting a workout if she did that.

"Psht. Like there were any real contenders 'sides you." Terra said, patting Gauntlet on the shoulder.

"So! You fools don't know my name! Very well!" Control Freak said, striking a pose. "I am the master of monsters! I am your darkest nightmares come to-!"

The stone flew through the air and buried itself into Control Freak's ample gut, sending him flying backwards and crashing to the ground with a pained wheeze.

"…stopping the rant, I see." Gauntlet said.

"It was in that guide to heroing you got me for Christmas." Terra said, floating around behind Gauntlet and wrapping her arms around his shoulders, leaning in close to whisper in his ear. "Let's wrap this up quick, I have other things I'd rather rock."

"Oh my." Gauntlet said. "…wait, that's sexual, right? I don't want to get my hopes up…"

"Can we flirt later, please?" Morgue said. "He's getting up."

"Agreed. Titans, let's wrap this up." Robin said.

"Oh, this is a wrap, all right." Control Freak growled, as he produced his remote. "You want some, Titans? You're about to learn TRUE pain! For you, I VIOLATE COPYRIGHTS!"

The energy fired from the remote, and the Titans goggled at the results.

…said results being Data from _Star Trek _and Ernie the Giant Chicken from _Family Guy._

"…did I fall asleep in front of the TV again?" Beast Boy said.

"CHARGE!" Control Freak yelled. Robin stared another moment, wondering what had happened to the days of Jack Djinn and Damien Darhk.

Then Data tossed Young Frankenstein across the street like he weighed nothing, and the giant chicken unleashed an assault that flattered Aqualad, Morgue, and Beast Boy. After that, Robin decided to stop pondering and start hitting things.

* * *

_Somewhere beyond most could comprehend._

_Which would shortly be affected by the residual effects of a certain fat nerd's reality muckery…_

The golden form stepped on the rocky ground, as Cyborg peered around to where he'd arrived this time. Hopefully he wasn't in another hell dimension. Even the Omegadrone had been hard-pressed to get him out of that.

Some people had asked why Cyborg bothered exploring alternate dimensions at all. Cyborg never gave them a straight answer, said straight answer being after his parents' deaths, he hadn't felt like he really belonged on Earth. Improving on his father's technology to create the golden Omegadrone weapon/survival system, as well as a device to break dimensional barriers, Cyborg had set out to find a place where he truly belonged.

He hadn't found it yet, but he'd seen a lot of amazing things. Also some terrifying ones: hopefully this new location would be the former and not the latter.

"Hm…my sensors say that this is an alternate universe composed of antimatter." Cyborg said, looking around. "Fortunately, it seems that any breaching of this region causes one's matter to instantaneously reverse, preventing my immediate and messy demise. A very odd quirk of physics, but not the first I've seen. Hmmmm…strange. This space is full of…breathable…atmosphere…"

Cyborg trailed off as he heard another voice speaking behind him, one filled with knowledge and authority. He turned around, looking at the man standing there. Said blue-suited man seemed as surprised to see Cyborg as Cyborg was to see him.

"…breathable atmosphere." Reed Richards finished.

Cyborg was about to say something, when ANOTHER voice spoke up. This one had knowledge, but not the same authority.

"…full of breathable atmosphere." Ultimate Reed Richards said before stopping and looking at the two.

Then ANOTHER voice spoke up. This one, however, sounded like a poor casting choice for the same voice.

"The air here is breathable, even in space! Just wait until I bang…I mean, tell Jessica Alba-I mean Sue! Yeah, Sue!"

And behind that came another voice. Apparently being written by Chris Claremont.

"Astounding! This atmosphere-----….------I can breathe it, although I should be in the very depths of…- :p space…!"

"Okay, ENOUGH!" Cyborg said, feeling his head hurt. "I see what you're doing! Just how many times can they do the same basic 'discovering the Negative Zone' storyline?"

"You'd be surprised." All the Reed Richards said.

Cyborg beat a hasty retreat, mentally scratching the Negative Zone from his list of exploration spots. At the current rate, the universe was going to have more Reed Richardses than Comicon 2009.

* * *

"Hey! Flay! Where are you!" Robin yelled into his communicator. "Get over here! We're having trouble!"

"BIG BIRD!" Young Frankenstein bellowed, charging at the Giant Chicken. This got him grabbed, slammed into the ground, and kicked across the street. Data, who was in his path, jumped over him without a glance and then dodged several rocks hurled by Terra immediately afterward. Robin watched this and then activated his communicator again.

"Savior? Your mission's done. Emergency, get over here right now!"

"Roger." The voice on the other end of the line said, and Robin snapped his communicator shut and re-joined the battle.

"A giant chicken and a Star Trek robot. Hey Beast Boy, which one should undercut my sense of reality more?" Ragnarok said, as he fiddled with his armor.

"Leave that question to the philosophers Rags! Could use some help here!" Beast Boy said, before all his air left his lungs as Data punched him in the gut. Considering Beast Boy was a bear, that really said something.

"I'm WORKING on it!" Ragnarok said. "Stupid Delirium damaging my armor turning my darn Catalysts into a roulette wheel, come on one of you activate-GUH!"

The 'GUH!' was due to the Giant Chicken leaping through the air and slamming Ragnarok with a perfect jump kick. Ragnarok crashed into a car windshield, even as Robin dropped down and furiously attacked the Chicken with his staff. The Chicken expertly blocked every blow before pecking Robin in the face. The Teen Wonder staggered back, both pained and annoyed at who was so effectively fighting him.

"Okay then…" Gauntlet said, turning towards Control Freak. "You know what? You can't have a show without THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCER!"

"BITE HIS SHINY METAL BLEEP!" Control Freak said, pressing another button on his remote as Gauntlet leapt towards him. Energy flashed anew and formed into a new shape.

"Oh crud." Gauntlet said, before telescoping metal arms punched him backwards.

"Ah man, ANOTHER alternate universe?" Bender from _Futurama _complained. "It's like there's an infinite number of them or something!"

"Get them! There's beer in it for you!" Control Freak yelled.

"Yessir, Captain Fatso!" Bender said, and charged into the fray.

"Screw this noise. I'll just drop this whole street on them!" Terra said, her eyes glowing gold.

"Wait! Wait! Remember what the mayor said!" Gauntlet yelled, dodging more attacks from Bender.

"No property damage? Aw bleep! Stupid town's insurance not taking it!" Terra said. "Hold on, I need to go grab some am-"

Beast Boy flew through the air, smacking into Terra as both went down in a tangle of limbs. The Giant Chicken crowed a vicious war cry.

Then he turned around into a gigantic blast of flame. When it was done, the giant chicken didn't even resemble the classic concept of a cooked bird.

"Today's working Catalyst is Red, fire. Today's special is -GAHHHHHHAYAHHHHHHHH!" Ragnarok yelped as Data zapped him with a phaser. Fortunately, it seemed like he'd forgotten to take it off stun.

"I find this violence to be senseless." Data said.

"Then stand down." Morgue replied, aiming twin guns at the android.

"Unfortunately, I cannot comply. I find myself compelled to follow the rotund man's orders." Data said.

"Sorry then." Morgue said, and opened fire. She wasn't super-surprised when none of her shots hit, thanks to machine reflexes.

"Your attempts at marksmanship demonstrate a lack of real practice." Data said, and fired in turn. Morgue disintegrated into a cloud of bats, the phaser shot flying through them. "Most astonishing. My tricorder reads large quantities of-"

The blast of water shut Data up, and down, as it knocked him across the street and left him prone and sparking on the ground.

"Nice work Aqualad." Morgue said as she reformed. "You realized the fictional rules he was operating under and utilized water, the traditional weakness of machines in fiction."

"…what? No, I just hit him with water because that's really all I could do." Aqualad said.

"…well, whatever works. The other robot needs it."

"Gladly!" Aqualad said, as he fired another blast of water at Bender. This time, however, the robot was barely even moved.

"Hah! That stuff doesn't work on me! I'm 40% waterproof titanium alloy!"

Ragnarok fired the second shot, bathing Bender in fire.

"I'm also 40% dolomite! The mineral that doesn't give out when there's trouble about!"

"THEN HOW ABOUT BLUNT TRAUMA!?" Gauntlet yelled, charging in with a yellow energy fist.

A second later, he tripped and slammed into the side of a car.

"Did I mention I'm also 40% luck?" Bender said.

"…math…not…make…sense." Young Frankenstein said, helping Rob up.

"It doesn't have to make sense! He comes from a world without logic!"

"Hah! You call yourselves supermen? I've been a superhero, and you all blow at it!" Bender said. "And why is that? Because you're up against Bender, the best there ever was! Now I'm going to finish fighting you for no reason that I care about, and then I'll tie one on at that ratty bar over there!"

"…dude, the bar's abandoned, why don't you just quit fighting us and go drink now? For free?" Beast Boy said.

"…You've got a point, kid. You're probably the third smartest green elf man I ever met." Bender said, and headed off to the bar.

"Hey! You can't abandon me! I summoned you!" Control Freak said.

"Bite my shiny metal bleep!"

"…I should have seen that coming." Control Freak said, as the Titans re-assembled. "Oh wait, I DID."

The remote flashed before Robin could disable Control Freak with a Birdarang. This time…

"What fresh hell is THIS?" Aqualad said, looking at the dumpy-esque man dressed in black.

"HiiiiiiiiiYA! Welcome TO Ask a Nin-ja!" The Ask a Ninja Ninja declared. "This week's letter, from some guy in tight pants (I don't recommend tight pants. Trust me, it's better to let the boys breathe) is 'What fresh hell is THIS?" The thing to understand about hells is that the fresher, the better. Nothing worse than to make a Gorbathian Blood Cake and realizing your hell has gone stale. After all, you can't just go down to the Ninja Mart store and get some fresh hell. No, you have to go down to the Demon Mart Store! There's only one in Branson Missouri and the prices are OUTRAGEOUS. Thanks for the question, guy in tight pants! I hope to kill you soo-!"

"GET HIM!" Aqualad yelled, firing water as the Titans charged in.

"Hah! You don't know much about ninjas!" The Ninja said, dodging Aqualad's attack. "Let me tell you, you're not going to be much of a threat. Now the real threat was this Dire Seal I fought last summer! I've never seen something that cute bite that hard. Thankfully, I had my club handy. Now he's a cute, hard biting hat and shoe combination!"

The Titans attacked.

Three seconds later, they were all on the ground groaning, as Control Freak laughed in the background.

"Dude…you cheater! The Ask a Ninja Ninja was a web series!" Beast Boy complained.

"He was too on TV! He appeared on _Mythbusters_!"

"Crud…I hate technicalities…" Beast Boy said, as the Titans got back up and charged in again.

This time, it took six seconds before they were all down.

"…what…missing…am I?" Young Frankenstein asked.

"Oh crap." Terra said. "He's not just some dumpy actor, he actually HAS all the ninja powers he's always going on about on that show!"

"Then let's hit him from all sides instead of from the front. Titans, on my mark…" Robin said.

"No, no! That'll never work! According to him, ninjas can go at light speed! Gauntlet watches this show all the time, I know how to distract him. Gauntlet, ask him a question!"

"Uh…like, does he wear boxers or briefs?"

"No! Something creative!"

"Ack, pressure, brain going limp, can only think of…how does he type with boxing gloves on…"

"I shall handle this." Morgue said, stepping forward. "Hey! Ninja!"

"In a moment, this one still has some blood in him!" The Ninja said as he wailed on Young Frankenstein.

"HEY! NINJA!" Morgue yelled again. "DID NINJAS BUILT THE PYRAMIDS?!"

"Are you kidding?" The Ninja said, dropping Young Frankenstein and walking over to Morgue. "Of course ninjas built the pyramids! But not the way you think. Most people ask about how the Egyptians got all that rock to the middle of the desert. That just shows how ignorant people are about ninja history. Before ninjas got to Egypt, there wasn't a desert! It was just this big sea of rock! We ninjas built the pyramids by smashing all of the rock EXCEPT the pyramids! Furthermore…!"

Terra slammed the rock across the back of the Ninja's head, and as he stumbled with a cry of 'Muffins!", the Titans dog piled on the web host and threw punches until he stopped moving.

"I've think I've had just about enough of this nonsense." Robin said as he got up, looking at Control Freak. Rather than be scared, however, the nerd-master seemed ticked off.

"Well, it's not HAD ENOUGH OF YOU!" Control Freak said, and pressed another button on his remote. "TEAM ROCKET!"

"Prepare for trouble!"

"Dr. Octopus!"

"The power of the sun in the palm of my hand!"

"Riddler!"

"…why is my outfit PINK?"

"Jaws!"

The metal-mouthed man grinned.

"No, not you, the shark!"

Jaws poofed into…Jaws.

"And ET!"

"Phone home."

"And a giant man with scissors for legs…what the HECK? I didn't summon THAT!" Control Freak yelled, as said giant man with scissors for legs attacked Young Frankenstein, only to get punched over the horizon.

"Suddenly I am missing Delirium. He gave me less of a headache than this." Morgue said.

* * *

_The Tower of Fate._

"Shall I aid them, master?" Raven said, floating cross-legged off the ground, her white and gold cloaks fluttering softly in the slight breeze as she gazed into the Eye of Nabu, the battle of the Titans playing across its shape. "The one who opposes them foolishly uses chaos magic without any regard to its consequences."

"_**Not all incursions of chaos require our aid." **_A voice said, before a golden helmet materialized in front of Raven. Raven bowed her head slightly. "Order works through many hands. Learning when ours are needed is among our most important lessons."

"Yes Dr. Fate." Raven said. The projection of the helmet looked down at his apprentice, her golden tiara-armor on her head crafted in the style of his visage. Something she'd done on her own, to show her gratitude for finding her after she'd come to Earth.

One day, she would wear the real thing.

"_**It is good you are observant of such things, my apprentice."**_ Dr. Fate said, as the helmet floated around behind her. _**"But always remember the core of your oath. From whence did you come from?"**_

"Chaos." Raven said.

"_**What did you seek?"**_

"Order." Raven said.

"_**What will you bring?"**_

"Balance." Raven finished.

"A balance does not yet need to be struck, my apprentice. Should it be, we shall be there. Until then, we observe."

"Yes, master Fate." Raven said, and spoke no more.

* * *

"YIPE YIPE YIPE YIPE YIPE!" Jaws yelped, as he flopped down the street away from the battle.

"And don't come back!" Aqualad said, cracking his knuckles.

"Uh….um….this is embarrassing." 'Doctor Octopus' said, looking at his metal arms as they lay limp on the ground around him. "I believe he meant to call someone else?"

Control Freak stared, and then smacked his face as he realized that instead of bringing Doctor Octopus, he'd pulled out Alfred Molina from a Making Of special.

"Ohh ohh! Do a bit from Fiddler on the Roof!" Beast Boy said.

"Certainly! If I were a rich man…!"

"I think it says something when TEAM ROCKET is proving the best selection." Ragnarok said, as he shot fire and Morgue shot bullets at the pair's Arbok and Weezing.

"Jessie, why doesn't anyone take us SERIOUSLY!?" James complained.

"Meowth! We don't get no respect!"

"I'll teach them respect! ARBOK, GLARE!"

"Gun, bullet." Morgue replied in a deadpan tone, and shot Arbok between the eyes. The Pokemon went down, eyes replaced with dazed circles.

"Weezing, use Explosion!"

"Weezing…!" The Pokemon said, and exploded. Ragnarok held out his hand, and the heat and kinetic energy were absorbed into the Red Catalyst.

"Of course, they're still Team Rocket." Ragnarok said.

"After all, to be best is not necessarily to be good." Morgue said. "Ragnarok, put them out of my misery."

Ragnarok tried to think of something witty to say, and after blanking a few seconds, shrugged and slammed his fist into the ground, detonating an explosion beneath Team Rocket. They flew off into the sky, screaming in terror.

"…awwww, they didn't do the line!" Gauntlet complained.

"Uh…um…" The Riddler said, as Robin and Terra closed in on him.

"…well?" Robin said.

"Uh, riddle me this, heroes! Uh…um just a second…Ah! This is where men store all of their care! Put man's first toolkit here and I'll be out of your hair!"

The two Titans stared.

"Great Scott! It's a super riddle!" Gauntlet said as he popped up behind the pair.

"Fine. What does it mean?" Robin said.

"Men store all of their care…" Terra said. "…when you're nervous, you get a pain in your…stomach!"

"Holy ulcers Terra, I think that's it." Robin said in deadpan snark.

"Man's first toolkit…a spear?" Gauntlet said.

"No wait, in order to make any other tool, you need…hands!" Terra said.

"So what, he put our hands in his stomach…which means…"

Robin rammed his fist into Riddler's gut. The man collapsed with a pained wheeze.

"Nice work Robin! You solved the riddle!" Gauntlet said.

"What? No, I got sick of standing around."

"I really should have seen that coming…" The Riddler wheezed.

"Come on man! What's the matter!" Control Freak said. "Even on the _Superfriends_, your riddles were usually better than THAT!"

"I was under a time crunch…ow…ohm…"

"And that just leaves…" Robin said, as he turned towards ET…in time for Aqualad to fly into him. "GACK!"

"Phone home." ET said, waving his glowing finger around, as Young Frankenstein, Beast Boy, Ragnarok, and Gauntlet tumbled through the air, firmly in the grip of a powerful telekinesis. When Robin, Terra, and Aqualad got back up and attacked, they quickly joined their friends in the air.

"Should have…looked at…contract…better…" Young Frankenstein said. A moment later, a cloud of bats flew down by ET and reformed into Morgue.

"Friend?" ET said.

"Go home, ET. We don't need any more illegal immigrants crowding our shores." Morgue said.

"ET…friend." ET said.

"Sure, you say that now. But what happens when your kids are clogging our overcrowded schools and you're living on welfare? Huh? Who pays? WE DO."

"ET…love…you…"

"Well, sorry, but in Los Estados Unidos, we have LAWS. And you're going home right now."

Crying, ET dropped all the Titans and shuffled off, disappearing into an alleyway.

"…wow. That was some of the finest, meanest bull bleep a bull ever bleeped." Ragnarok said.

"I do my best." Morgue said.

"…so ET was a metaphor for illegal immigration. You just ruined it for me forever, you jerk." Aqualad said.

"I'm the cloud every silver lining needs." Morgue said with some sarcasm, as she slammed a new clip into her gun. "Shall we take care of the tub 'o guts before my headache gets any worse?"

"Sounds like a plan." Robin said.

"So, nothing else then Control Freak?" Beast Boy said, as the group advanced on the geek-king. "Not the cast of the Brady Bunch? Stephen Colbert? That girl Ninja Turtle? Mr. Incredible? Danny Phantom? Freddy Krueger? What do you say?"  
"What do I say?" Control Freak said, and pressed one last button.

A moment later, Control Freak was gone, as a giant red robot crashed down where he had been. The Titans recoiled, looking up at the jagged black sunglasses on the robot's chest, even as Control Freak's voice thundered inside Gurren Lagann.

"WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?!?!?!?!?"

"You just had to ask, didn't you." Morgue said.

"Need…new lawyer." Young Frankenstein said.

* * *

_The town of Yintow, on one of the many planets of the great Blacktrinian Empire._

There were not many operations that required Nigicalnack Hastionfarlock to make notes beforehand, but an operation to repair the heart of a dulmog cow was one. The beast had incredibly dense muscle tissue, even more so than many Blacktrinian animals, and it could be troublesome cutting through it without accidentally breaking through to the softer organs beneath.

The other problem was that Nigicalnack was not a veterinarian. He was, in understandable terms, a 'medical assistant'. This meant that he assisted with any medical needs in his colony, be it with his own species, the animals they raised on their farms, psychological issues, or whatnot. It kept him terribly busy, maybe even more so than the farmers he served, and he often found himself worn down by it all.

"Papa!" The young Blacktrinian girl said as she ran into the room. "Play tag with Joem and me!"

"I really want to, Hun, but…"

Nigicalnack looked at his papers and then at his daughter, and then shrugged. The work could wait a little.

Of course, despite the new energy playing with his children gave him, said energy had abandoned him when he'd returned to his papers. He poked himself in the head a few times, trying to focus.

"Come on Hastionfarlock." Nigicalnack said. He'd been through worse. He'd had to lie through his teeth over the mess that had happened during his final time on the battlefield, with his treacherous commander. He'd been certain he was going to end up executed for treason when all was said and done. Getting discharged seemed to indicate the people in charge didn't wholly believe him, but in the end it was better than the war. If he'd been forced to return to the war, he likely would have been dead by now. Dead or mad. He didn't like either option.

True, being discharged hadn't afforded him much respect. His wife Alieasticion had pretty much married him because it had been arranged earlier in their lives, and his community had hardly treated him as a war hero. But as his children had come along, healthy and full of life, not to mention Nigel passing the 'Trial of the Monster' Blacktrinians went through with minimal difficulty, the coldness had begun to vanish. It was far from perfect…but it wasn't too bad. He'd decided not to run in the end: this was probably one of the better results he could have gotten for his choice.

Maybe his children would have better options in life. Maybe…

"NIGICALNACK!" A female voice called from upstairs. "I WANT SOME PICKLES! PICKLES NOW PLEASE!"

Nigicalnack muttered to himself. He'd get options with his kids all right. His wife was six months along with twins.

Then again…to a Blacktrinian, family was everything. No matter what they may have given up to have it.

It wasn't a bad life.

"Coming Ali." Nigicalnack called back, and left his papers behind again.

* * *

"EVEN WHEN TRAPPED BY KARMA'S CYCLE, THE DREAMS WE LEFT BEHIND WILL OPEN THE DOOR!" Control Freak bellowed, as drills fired from his robot's arms and pierced through the streets and buildings, the Titans dodging frantically and trying to return fire.

"We need our own robot! Quick, let's call our vehicles and combine them!" Beast Boy said.

"Beast Boy, for the last time, OUR VEHICLES CAN'T MERGE!" Robin yelled, hurling an explosive disc that didn't even scratch Gurren Lagann's metal form.

"Just you wait until I find the properly cool merge cry! Then you'll see!" Beast Boy said, and then turned into a mole to dodge another drill.

"EVEN IF THE UNIVERSE STANDS IN OUR WAY, OUR SEETHING BLOOD WILL DETERMINE WHAT WILL BE!" Control Freak continued to yell/quote/rip-off, as his mecha yanked the sunglasses off its chest and sent them spinning through the air like a buzzsaw, forcing the Titans to call off their meager offense and focus entirely on dodging.

"Did I come at a bad time?" Robin's communicator said.

Robin didn't have time to answer, as a white flash tore overhead, the sonic boom of the passing jet slamming into Robin's ears. The plane's guns belched fire, depleted uranium rounds raining against Control Freak's mech.

"ARGH! BLEEP!" Control Freak yelled.

"AHHHGH! Darn it Savior, do you HAVE to make the flashy entrances?!" Gauntlet yelled.

"I just arrive and do what's necessary Gauntlet. If anything happens otherwise, well…what can I say?" Savior said, as he wheeled the white arc of the _Soul of Winter_ around and headed towards Control Freak again.

"NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Control Freak bellowed. "WE WILL BREAK THROUGH TIME AND SPACE! AND DEFY ALL WHO WOULD STOP US TO GRAB HOLD OF OUR PATH!"

"Defy away." Savior said, as he flicked open a switch on his main control stick. "And now, ROCKETS AWAY!"

Several missiles flew from the jet plane, exploding against Control Freak as Savior flew over him.

Before the drills exploded from the mecha's back and lanced through the air.

"What the-?!" Savior said.

The drills impaled through the jet's fuselage, stopping it dead in its tracks. Why the plane didn't fly apart or crush Noel from the sudden change in G-Forces, Savior didn't know. All he knew was his plane had been caught…and was suddenly moving again.

The mech was yanking it towards it.

"How in the…oh bleeping bleep!" Savior yelled, and hit the eject button. The cockpit exploded outward as Noel flew free, his parachute opening up and stopping his fall. It gave him a good look as the mech drew his plane into its back…and MERGED with it, the mech gaining white wings and a jet engine.

"…NICEEEEEEEEE work, buddy." Terra said, flying over and cutting Savior free from the parachute as she pulled him over to the other Titans.

"How did, what the, he can't, he…I really liked that damn plane." Savior complained.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA! WINTERFORGED GURREN LAGANN!" Control Freak laughed inside the machine, holding out one of its arms as it transformed into a massive drill.

"Well, now what Robin?" Ragnarok said.

"Unless you can get all your Catalysts to work right now, we better get ready to duck." Robin said, as the Titans prepared themselves.

"MARK MY WORDS! THIS DRILL WILL OPEN A HOLE IN THE UNIVERSE! AND THAT HOLE WILL BE A PATH FOR THOSE BEHIND US!" Control Freak parroted, as he thrust the drill down and towards the gathered Titans. "THE DREAMS OF THOSE WHO'VE FALLEN! THE HOPES OF THOSE WHO'LL FOLLOW! THOSE TWO SETS OF DREAMS WEAVE TOGETHER IN A DOUBLE HELIX! DRILLING A PATH! TOWARDS TOMMOR-!"

The sounds of the engines were audible even with Control Freak's bellowing, and the Titans turned around just in time for Flay to drive past them.

"What the, Flay don't just…!" Robin said.

"YOU!…WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!" Control Freak yelled at Flay.

He really should have lifted his drill arm. Or at least, turned it on.

He didn't.

The end result was Flay pressing a button and hidden jets blasting his bike, the _Memorable_, up into the air for a brief time, as Flay landed on Control Freak's drill arm and drove straight up it towards the mecha's pilot, who goggled at the site.

"Not sure." Flay said, and activated his other jump jets. His bike exploded off the drill arm and flew through the air, heading straight towards the mech's faceplate. Flay pushed off the bike and flipped backwards, reaching into his coat and extracting a whip.

"Who the hell are you?"

The whip lashed out, the tip of it connecting with Flay's bike. Unfortunately for Control Freak, the tip had a unit of potent explosive within it.

Control Freak didn't even get to scream, as Flay literally blew his bike right through the mecha's face and out the other end, carrying Control Freak with it.

Flay did another spiraling flip and landed on his feet facing the Titans. Control Freak landed far less gracefully in a mound of garbage. Flay's bike also lacked a graceful landing, hitting the street and crashing across it before flying into a convenience store. It would be in the repair shop a while.

Flay stood up and tucked his whip away, as the Gurren Lagann vanished. A moment later the _Soul of Winter_ crashed down on the ground behind him. It would also be spending some time in the shop.

"AUGH MY PLANE!" Savior yelled.

"…showoff." Gauntlet said. Flay just raised two fingers and gave his team a slight salute.

* * *

_Who Can Tell?_

"What is this thing made of?" Metatron said, looking over the cape he had found. "Really, you can't find material of this kind without animal rights activists going bonkers. I bet it was stolen."

The coat's quality abruptly took a nosedive as bullets suddenly whistled towards Metatron's position. He twirled backwards away from them, the bullets riddling the coat instead.

"…By dwarves. Yes, stolen by dwarves. That's good." Metatron said, not a whit of concern in his voice over being shot at.

"Hiiiii Met!" A young girl in gangbanger jeans, a skintight white body glove, and a long waist-length ponytail yelled as she jumped down, the ground cracking beneath her impact as she aimed her twin firearms.

"Hey Alice. I found more dwarf contraband." Metatron replied.

"That's great!" Alice replied, pausing for a moment before she tossed her handguns aside and slapped her thighs. A second later she literally pulled a minigun out of her pants, blue sparks erupting from the clothing as she did so. Considering the minigun was as big as SHE was…

"Now I can finally drag them to light and show the world the truth!" Met said, and leapt out of the way as the minigun began to spew bullets, bounding from car to car like it was just another game of hopscotch.

* * *

"All right, so this little excursion has cost us two vehicles…so, Simon, Noel, you'll be riding with Sophie in the truck." Robin said. Control Freak had been taken in by the authorities, and the Titans were regrouping/resting around their vehicles in the forest glen they'd left them in.

"How long before the vehicles are repaired?" Savior asked.

"Considering we wrecked a chunk of that town, and the resulting bills of that? Probably months." Robin said. Savior groaned.

"Where we heading next then, leader?" Ragnarok said.

"Not sure…maybe San Francisco. Probably some crime there." Robin said. "Anything else?"

"Uh, yeah…Robin? Do you know anything about repairing a car engine?" Gauntlet said over by his vehicle…which was now smoking. "That's on fire?"

"WHAT?" Terra yelled.

"Um…heh heh." Gauntlet said.

"Why I put up with your stupid bleep I don't know." Terra said.

"Because I sex you up?"

"…point."

"Dude, do you have to be so blatant about it?" Beast Boy groaned.

"Hey, she chose me. Get over it." Gauntlet said.

"I _am_ over it. I just want my lunch to stay where it is?"

"Considering all that tofu you eat, that might be doing your stomach a favor."

"Slowly…going…crazy." Young Frankenstein said.

"Join the club." Morgue said.

"I got the post-battle drinks." Aqualad said, stepping off the large 18-wheeler the Titans used as a primary base outside their own vehicles. "Who wants the…"

The whip lashed out, wrapping around the iced tea bottle and pulling it into Flay's hand. The Titans looked at their teammate, who just shrugged and popped the top off.

"Showoff." Gauntlet said.

"You know you love it." Flay replied.

And as the Titans sat around their vehicles, made plans, and pondered what the future held, the sun began to set.

* * *

"…_well, that was…interesting. I HAD been wanting a plane, but between it and Starfire, the choice is pretty clear."_

"_**Expected."**_

"…_but…what did Metatron have to do with any of that?"_

"_**He is a truly odd soul. It's never certain where he will emerge."**_

"_Somehow I'm not surprised."_

"_**Expected. Let us move to the next world…"**_


	4. Part 3: Frightful

No Beast Boy: Frightful

"_**Garfield Logan. Beast Boy."**_

"_Yeah, I could probably serve to be more like him. He's had a hard life too, and at least my talent didn't turn me green. He never seemed to let it get to him. Heck, he's probably the unofficial team-former, what with coming off the Doom Patrol and being the first to meet Starfire when she landed. Maybe it's just in the blood."

* * *

_

_Jump City, Florida._

Cancer cells never die.

Well, perhaps that was a simplification. The proper term was _biological immortality_, and it referred to the fact that cell death (and by extension, the death of life) by aging came about by the fact cells could only divide so many times before an aspect of them called the _telemore_ was exhausted, resulting in the cells being unable to continue multiplying and hence dying off. Cancer cells, however, had a truly insidious design in which certain enzymes produced by the cells rebuilt the telemores within, allowing the cells to continue growing forever, barring outside interference or the complete biological cessation of death.

There was a reason cancer was considered the antithesis of natural life by many. But for all its torments, at least it possessed no malice.

That had not been the case for Leonardo Simonides. With a brain tumor slowly killing him and unable to get health insurance, he had turned to a man known as Dr. Nickelson, selling his body to obtain money for his family.

Perhaps the festering growth in his brain kept him from seeing what a poor decision this was.

Ultimately, it had proven to be a poor decision for Dr. Nickelson as well. Leonardo Simonides had died from his experiments, but something much worse had ripped its way out of his skull and eaten Dr. Nickelson alive.

Cancer had no malice, but what had come from Simonides was no mere cancer. It was _alive_. And all it knew from Simonides' last moments were fear, pain, rage, and hunger.

A new horror had been born: Malignancy.

It's latest victim was named Sonya Moore.

* * *

The figure slowly lowered itself down from the roof, the way it had gotten into the building not apparent, as Malignancy fed, the weakly thrashing girl in its grasp not even able to scream any more.

"…help…" Sonya whimpered. Whether she saw the floating figure or was merely emoting her last thoughts, no one could say. A moment later, the life fully left her eyes.

Her body took several more moments to vanish, as the black, disgusting mass slowly drained every bit of vitality from it. Cancer could invade virtually any cell mass, but it did not have a survival instinct. Malignancy did, and part of its hideous design was that while it could theoretically live forever if it had just lurked in some dark, forgotten corner, it would thrive if it constantly ingested fresh tissue.

When all that was left was a dry husk, Malignancy withdrew its probes, the body crumbling to dust. It knew it was not alone.

It had not expected, when it turned its vaguely humanoid shape and surged towards the newcomer, for said newcomer to fire a blast of emerald fury from its hands.

The attack blew Malignancy backwards, sizzling bits of itself sloughing off as it impacted against the wall of the building. It did not make a noise. It did not have anything resembling vocal cords.

The smell of it burning was vile, but that did not stop Starfire as she floated forward and pressed her attack. Several more exploding Starbolts impacted against Malignancy, its form losing cohesion and slithering down to the ground.

A crackling noise filled the air, and energies lit up within Malignancy and fired out. Starfire dodged out of the way of its electrical attack, her cold eyes narrowing. She slammed her hands together, and with a snarling Tamaranian curse, she hit Malignancy as hard as she could in the energy-gathering timeframe she had.

She vaporized about a seventh of Malignancy's mass. Unfortunately, she also blew the 6/7th she didn't vaporize out through the wall behind Malignancy and to the streets below.

Starfire floated over to the new hole she'd made, the light from outside glinting on her metal armor. Down on the street, Malignancy was slithering into a sewer hole.

A second before it vanished completely, sonic blasts struck it. This just served to make it flee faster, as Cyborg ran down the street, stopping to scan. After a few seconds, he looked up at the alien in the window, as she coolly regarded him in turn.

"Teammate Starfire. There may have been civilians in the vicinity." Cyborg intoned.

"Not my concern." Starfire replied, as she took to the skies. "I do not operate underground. Locate the entity and drive it upward so we may complete this task."

* * *

It was another typical Jump City night. Robin really didn't know if that was a good or bad thing, as he dropped down on the edge of the roof.

There wasn't much of a moon this night, and a fair number of the streetlights below had been broken, leaving the streets shrouded in darkness. A perfect place for something like Malignancy to hunt.

With the creature having fled into the sewers, Robin had dispatched some of his teammates to follow it and then set off on foot across the rooftops. He really hoped he was making the right decision.

He wondered that a lot with this team. If the normal term to describe the creation of a hero team was 'born' , the Teen Titans were a team that had required a episiotomy and the mother of all epidurals.

He wasn't sure exactly where it had really gone wrong. Considering it had just been three of them (them being himself, Cyborg, and a little while after Raven) against a world of hurt, they'd come out of their trial by fire pretty well. Discovering the alien who called herself Starfire after several weeks patrolling their new city had seemed to indicate they were doing the right thing as well.

In retrospect, maybe it was then that it had all started coming undone. Starfire had joined them, but as Robin had found out, it was solely in a military sense. She had, as far as she was concerned, joined the army. Her reasons quickly became apparent, in her brutal treatment of criminals and villains and her callous disregard for civilians. In time, Robin had learned that she'd actually landed during the Titans' forming: the group had completely missed her in the chaos. By the time they'd found her, the scars of whatever she'd experienced had already become infected. Rather than a teammate, she'd become something Robin kept on a leash.

It hadn't stopped there either…

A low 'whump!" noise startled Robin out of his musing observations, and suddenly a portion of the street erupted outwards as Malignancy was smashed upwards through it. It slid backwards, re-gathering itself as the black-cloaked form of Raven floated up from the hole it had made.

Raven said nothing as Malignancy attacked her, the sorceress countering the mass' piercing lances of vile tissue with careful blasts of black energy. It was almost nice to look at.

The sad thing was, that was pretty much all there was left about Raven. The woman had had terrible pain within her, pain she'd kept locked away. A similar pain had been mirrored in Cyborg, and whatever soothing balm heroism could provide had quickly faded. Ultimately, Victor Stone had decided to lock away his human half, the part that caused him so much pain. Robin had been unable to convince him otherwise.

Raven, perhaps going by Cyborg's example, had done the same shortly afterward to herself via magic, becoming a near-mute automaton forever going through the motions. They might have still been capable of base empathy, as at least they did try to protect civilians, but otherwise they were cogs in the machine Robin had brought them to.

Maybe the team would have disintegrated outright…

Robin became aware of the approaching form a few seconds before she landed.

"Shall we step in?" Batgirl said.

"Not yet. Not with this enemy." Robin said. Cassandra Cain nodded briefly, taking up an alert position on the roof-top where Robin stood. The young Asian girl was one of their more recent recruits to the team. Some people would have questioned Robin's logic at why there was still a team at all, considering its beginnings.

In truth, Robin had almost given up.

Raven's defense had as well, as Malignancy finally struck true, knocking Raven backwards down the street.

White lines seized her, slicing at Malignancy's corrupting touch and driving it away. Savior appeared from an alleyway as he lowered Raven down to the ground.

"Hello ugly." Savior said, holding up an arm as the Shimmer formed into a large sword and shield. "Time to go into remission."

Malignancy's body lit up once more as more electricity fired from within it. Savior put the shield up and stood his ground, the shock harmlessly absorbed into his ability. He glanced backwards at Raven.

"I am uninjured." Raven said quietly.

"…right. Let's keep it that way." Savior said, and charged in.

"Now is a good time." Robin said, and he and Batgirl swung down to join the battle.

* * *

Noel Collins hadn't really known what he was getting into, all those years ago. All he'd known was that he had to get away from his mother.

Oh, he loved the woman, and he knew how close he'd come to losing her. She'd had a car accident when he'd been an infant, and only treatment from the renowned doctor Mark Logan had helped her make a full recovery. Considering the faint memories Noel had of his father, and the fact he'd disappeared shortly afterward, not to mention certain oddities about the events Noel had noticed when he'd studied it later in his life, Noel had always wondered if something…unpleasant had happened during the whole affair. The most telling evidence was an account that Logan had not been brought in by his father, but by a friend of his mother's who had ended up in the hospital herself, shortly afterward. That, and the fact that the truth of things seemed to indicate his father had been a pretty big bastard, had made Noel uncomfortable all around.

But the police had never turned anything up, and Noel was not the type to blindly believe hearsay. Whatever had happened, his mother had taken over his father's business, and managed to keep it running and have a hand in raising her son at the same time.

Raising being a relative term, as most of the time she was holding Noel's nose to the grindstone, insisting he be the best he could be. Retrospect had granted Noel the clarity of seeing she'd never held him to any standard save _his _best, nor had she tried to force him to rise above his peers for her own sake, but at the time he'd finally had enough of her constant, suffocating pressure and bugged out. He'd run off and traveled across the country, trying to stay off the grid. Considering the resources his mother had, that was easier said than done.

Then the accident had happened.

Crystal Collins had been rather surprised herself, when her supposedly wayward son had returned, now with white hair and a strange white-energy ability he could manifest at will. After a bevy of medical tests to make sure he wasn't turning into some sort of alien monster, Crystal and Noel had had several long meetings to decide his future.

The end result was Noel setting off again, this time under orders to 'get the rest of this nonsense out of your system'. Soon after that, Noel had happened across Jump City, and the second major influence on his life.

When he'd joined up, he'd quickly realized the pressure Robin was under. He didn't blame him: he hadn't exactly gotten lucky in his choice (and demons) of his teammates. Noel had also realized why Robin was hesitant to disintegrate the team: left to their own devices, the Titans could easily turn to evil, by design or manipulation. It was one thing for a team not to work out, it was another to just abandon people who had problems and let those problems become something worse. Noel had thrown his weight behind Robin, trying to help the team become something more than a cage at the end of a stick.

Noel had thought he was getting somewhere. When Robert Candide's 'polite request' to join the team had arrived, Noel had traveled down to Ubertron to meet him. The teen's personality had made his request a lock in Noel's mind, but Noel had been wary of the fact that Candide likely had no idea what he was getting into.

On the way up, Noel had given him the whole truth. Gauntlet had been reluctant, wanting more of a club to hang out with than a psychological case study of positive influence, but his sentence had stuck him with the Titans. Noel had noticed he'd been unhappy, not having any real friends on the team save the two people who actually wanted a new member, but Noel HAD noticed a gradual influence on their broken members when Gauntlet had joined. Maybe Gauntlet had as well: when his time had run out, the teen had stuck around. Being on the team had even helped his love life, and he didn't want to abandon it. Noel was certain that things would turn the corner then…

Savior's musings were interrupted as Malignancy seized him in a disgusting tendril and hurled him into Robin. With an opening having been made, Malignancy began to flee down the street.

A yellow energy fist crashed down on it, knocking it backwards. Savior scrambled up as Gauntlet hit the ground in front of the creature.

He did not look happy.

Then again, thanks of what had happened, just when things were going well, Gauntlet never looked happy any more. If Noel didn't know better (and he'd looked into it), he would have sworn their base was built on an Indian graveyard.

"Hey Robin, we want this thing alive?" Gauntlet asked.

Robin didn't get a chance to answer, as a bolt of destructive fury suddenly came lancing down from the heavens. It struck Malignancy and blew it to pieces…still fully functioning, and hungry pieces.

A moment later, one lanced out towards Gauntlet, a mass of seething, consuming ebony. It ricocheted off a last-second Gauntlet shield.

"NEVER MIND!" Gauntlet snarled, as he formed what appeared to be a baseball bat covered with nails. "I OFFICIALLY DON'T BLEEPING CARE!"

The Gauntlet weapon lashed out, smashing into Malignancy's body. A moment later the piece retaliated with a massive blast of electricity, throwing Gauntlet backwards with another curse.

"Pay attention." Starfire said, as she flew past Gauntlet.

"Yeah whatever you say Spock." Gauntlet snapped, and resumed his own attack.

* * *

It was another noisy night. Sophie Mathews didn't really care for it.

Nights were best when they were quiet. You could find more silence in a city than you would think. Sophie had haunted enough corners of Jump to know that.

Key word was haunted. Sophie may have had a rather 'unique' condition, but it hadn't cost her her self-control. It was the only reason she bothered living in a superhero city, and why the Titans mostly left her alone.

Key word THERE was 'mostly.' Because they were the ones making all the racket that night, as they fought some strange entity on the streets below. Lifting her wine glass to her lips, Sophie sipped at its contents and then looked down on the street again, her other hand holding a book with a placemarker sticking out of it.

A moment later Starfire was filling her vision, as Malignancy tossed her through the air via another electrical blast.

Anyone looking at Sophie would not have seen her move. She was simply gone, as Starfire hit her balcony and bent the metal construct inward.

"…are you going to fix that?"

Starfire turned around, glaring at the rotund woman in her undertaker's clothing, albeit a bit loosened up after a day at work, with sleeves rolled up and waistcoat unbuttoned. She was now standing in the doorway that lead back into her loft apartment. Despite the alien's intense eyes, Sophie's own expression remained unimpressed.

"Batspawn." Starfire said, yanking herself free from the twisted metal. "Are you actually going to do something, or just sit around and continue to accumulate mass?"

"I was thinking of doing the latter, but now I'm going to have to actually phone up some minimum wage monkey to fix the balcony you broke." Sophie said, sipping her tincture. "Or was that a request for help?"

"You'd be useful for meat to gnaw on." Starfire said, and flew back down to the street.

Sophie walked over to the edge of her damaged balustrade, looking in distaste at the bent metal. She wasn't made of money.

Maybe she should get her hands a bit dirty. Placing the glass and book down, she knelt down and seized the steel of one of the segments in her hands, her grip twisting it back into its rough original shape. Not very neat, but it would serve until she had some funds to spare.

Picking her glass back up, Sophie scratched a moment at her elongated canine and then sipped her drink again, watching the fight below as it moved off.

Superheroes. So willing to throw their lives away.

She really didn't understand it.

* * *

"Target's acceleration abilities are greater than anticipated." Cyborg said, firing more sonic cannon blasts at Malignancy's fleeing form. The creature had managed to pull itself back together.

"No sher, Bleeplock." Gauntlet said, grabbing a leaping piece of the creature and pinning to the ground long enough for Robin to drop a high-incendiary explosive on it.

"Don't let it get away!" Robin ordered. Savior ran for the wall, seizing it and yank-tossing himself down the street to try and cut the creature off. Before he could attack, though, more Starbolts rained down from the sky, blowing Savior off his feet and causing Malignancy to be lost among the blasts.

"Hey! Careful! I'm down here Starfire!" Savior called up.

"Then move." Starfire said, floating down as she looked around, the rest of the Titans taking a moment to catch up. There did not seem to be any trace of Malignancy. "The creature is dead. Let us depart."

"Hold it. We don't know that yet." Robin said as he arrived. A quick search with the other Titans (except Raven, Robin didn't know where she had wandered off to) turned up nothing, but Robin still had his suspicions. "It doesn't need much of itself to survive. We'd better split up and do a wider search."

"Affirmative." Cyborg said. Starfire rolled her eyes, but listened. Gauntlet didn't say anything, as he tossed out a yellow hand and yanked himself up onto the roof. Robin nodded at Batgirl, and the two went in separate directions. Gauntlet watched them go.

"How about 'You're the cancer and I'm the chemo'?"

Gauntlet turned his eyes onto Savior, as the white-haired teen pulled himself up on the same roof.

"That sounds like something you would have said, Gauntlet. You know that." Savior said. "Maybe you're out of practice, but I suspect it's like riding a bike."

"That bike's in the shop. You can only see so many things before life stops being funny." Gauntlet said.

"…okay yeah, maybe Malignancy isn't the best thing to use to mine for comedy gold…do they still say that, oh who cares…but…"

"There's nothing funny here. I don't care if I was bringing in Catman, there's someone who wants to destroy lives. I need to be as efficient as possible, and jokes just cause distractions and get people hurt."

"Jokes keep you _sane_ as well, Gauntlet. If you haven't noticed, our team wasn't exactly all smiles and sunshine before, but you, me, Robin leading things, we were getting somewhere! I'm pretty sure no matter what you saw, you realize that."

"…stay the way you are, Noel. Growing up sucks."

"…I know what you saw was bad." Savior said. "You shouldn't have seen it to begin with. Parents dead in an alleyway, watching a child's innocence and peace die…knowing you couldn't change it because too many more people would die if you did. But you're not an idiot, Gauntlet. That's why you stopped that person from killing Hitler _during _that whole time travel incident. You _KNEW _what the likely result would have been."

"You just can't save them all. I know that intellectually." Gauntlet said. "Emotionally, though, I haven't managed it."

"Well, turn this over in your head, Gauntlet. Yeah, there's growing up. It's not the same as giving up." Savior said, before his eyes flicked towards some distant movement. "I think we have a sighting. Let's go."

"Oh sure, always got to get the last word."

Savior glanced at Gauntlet, wondering if he'd heard a trace of the teen's old self again.

"You can have it. Go ahead."

An explosion cut off Gauntlet before he could speak, and his eyes darkened. For once, Savior's mirrored his.

"Bleep." Savior said, and took off down the street, Gauntlet at his heels.

* * *

Starfire was beginning to lose her temper. The creature defied her best efforts to destroy it, and she had had quite enough of defiance in her lifetime. Defying the Citadel had brought her agonies hell would be hard-pressed to recreate. Her time on Earth had killed what little remained of the girl who had been taken as a slave. Now all she had was the thrill of the hunt and of the destruction of those who would oppose her.

Whatever else was caught in the crossfire didn't matter, as Starfire wrecked the whole street trying to wipe out the aspect of Malignancy she'd found. For a moment, Robin despaired.

Just for a moment though. Life had taught Robin to never give up. One of his best friends had once started off a city-wide crime war by accident, and ended up captured and tortured horrifically due to it. She barely survived, but she did, and returned to keep protecting Gotham. She had refused to give up and die. Another incident had brought his father into the crosshairs of a villain. Said villain had hurled a specialized blade into his father's chest, seconds before Robin had arrived to save him. His father somehow made it all the way through the hospital ride and surgery despite flat-lining three times. He hadn't returned completely to the man he was, but he'd pulled through. He had refused to give up and die.

The alien may have been savage and uncaring, but there was always a chance he could make her a better person. Likewise, even with Gauntlet's recent turn to the dark and grim side, other events had occurred to keep Robin from giving up the ghost.

One was Batgirl. She'd been drugged by Slade, their mortal enemy, and used as a weapon against them. They'd freed her from her enslavement, and feeling ashamed, she had refused to go back to Gotham. Instead, she'd joined the team to atone. Later, she'd stayed with the team because she felt like she belonged there.

With a scream, Starfire was hurled through the side of a building. Robin tried to slow Malignancy down with an ice-bomb, but the creature smashed its way out of said ice and came for Robin. Robin was saved by the arrival of Savior and Gauntlet, who came down from the sky and tore into the monster.

And finally, the last Titan arrived, as a nearby manhole cover flew up moments before a garishly-dressed figure leapt out.

"Aha! Finally tracked you down!" Scalpel thundered, spinning his glaive and pointing it at Malignancy, who didn't even notice as it was trying to electrocute Savior and Gauntlet. "Oh, think you can ignore me, do you?"

Scalpel charged at the seething mass, using his glaive to pole vault into the air before spinning and bringing his weapon down on Malignancy with a thunderous jolt that shook the whole street.

"THINK AGAIN!" Scalpel bellowed. Malignancy lanced out piercing tendrils at the alien, but Scalpel just danced around it and slashed out with his weapon again, carving another wound into the living tumor's body.

Savior pulled himself up, allowing himself a brief look of satisfaction. The alien Blacktrinian had seemed destined to be another weight on the team's neck, having arrived fleeing from a war and with a deep sense of self-hatred that he didn't really deserve. Savior, having heard that song before, and too much at that, had gone to work on him as best he could.

It had worked. He might not have been able to help his other teammates as much as he would have liked, but he managed to get through to the alien. No longer self-loathing and bitter, Scalpel had become more boisterous and open to the possibilities of his new home. True, it had caused him to neglect his medical skills somewhat…but sometimes to get an omelet you had to break a few eggs.

"Is this the best you have to offer?" Scalpel yelled, before leaping backwards to avoid another hungry tentacle. "You weren't worth all the time I wasted wandering around…"

"Alien! Keep up the pressure!" Batgirl said as she swooped in and hurled a Batarang.

"Aye aye m'lady." Scalpel said, as he yanked out a strange gun from the inside of his coat. "SUCK GAS EVILDOER!"

The gun fired out a canister that exploded over Malignancy, the blue miasma sinking into Malignancy's body. The chemicals seemed to slow him down, and the Titans piled on, raining blows and blasts down on the consuming mass.

They made one error during the process, in improperly estimating how weak it was.

The cost of that was a swinging tendril, knocking all the Titans away. Even as they sprang to their feet, another one lanced out, heading for Starfire.

It found Savior instead, as he leapt in front of her. The tentacle pierced through Noel's chest armor, driving itself into his body.

"SAVIOR!" Robin yelled. Savior groaned, falling to one knee, before a Shimmer blade lanced out and cut the mass off before it could inject more of its virulent tissue into Noel. Starfire flew over Savior, resuming her attack as the white-haired Titan writhed on the ground.

"THAT IS IT! I AM THROUGH PLAYING!" Scalpel bellowed, hammering away at Malignancy with genuine anger, as Robin sprinted over to Savior.

"…get OUT." Savior hissed, as he clawed at the wound in his chest. "This is MY body, I already HAVE a houseguest, I don't need….GRUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!"

Savior pitched forward, blood spilling out from between his teeth. Robin's head whirled around, looking for Raven, looking for anything he could do…

With a scream, Savior yanked his hand away from his chest, another gush of blood emitting from the wound as the Shimmer yanked Malignancy's parasitic infection out. Savior hurled it back to the main body before hunching over, breathing heavily.

"ALERT ROBIN!" Cyborg yelled. Robin turned away from Savior to see that Malignancy was heading for him and Noel.

At least before it was encased in an even darker blackness. Robin's eyes widened, and the Titans all took a step back, as Raven stepped out from the shadows, her arms aloft and her eyes glowing black.

"Zinthos." Raven said, and slammed her hands together. Malignancy seemed to collapse on itself, the hungering cancer shrinking in before vanishing in a black flash.

"…well, so much for THAT bleep." Gauntlet said. Starfire didn't even say anything as she took off into the sky. Robin figured she was heading home.

"Are you all right Savior?" Robin asked.

"…I think so. Pretty sure I got it all out. Ugh, that was…not fun." Savior groaned. Robin nodded and turned back to Raven.

The realization hit him a moment later.

"Raven, where did you send Malignancy?"

"Where it would not trouble us." Raven said. Robin stared.

In the end, he couldn't get a clearer answer out of her.

* * *

"Scans show no traces of the Malignancy entity. Teammate Savior is clean." Cyborg said some time later.

"Thanks Cyborg."

"Affirmative." Cyborg said, before standing still. He would remain that way until given orders. Robin tried not to let it get to him. One step at a time.

"An unpleasant opponent all around. Enjoyable to fight, yes, but that might be because it found my blood too potent to try and invade my own body." Scalpel said. "Raven, you should heal Savior. Can't have an infection setting in."

"Yes." Raven said, floating forward and holding out her hands. Savior looked at her dull, blank features as she did so, like she was making a sandwich, and felt a brief pain pass through his chest that had nothing to do with his wound. If Raven noticed it, she didn't say anything.

"All right…we should probably do one last sweep. Make sure there isn't a trace of the entity left." Robin said. "Anyone opposed?"

"I would prefer another opponent, but I can wait. Patience is a virtue." Scalpel said, twirling his glaive between his bladed fingers. Robin nodded and ran off. Scalpel did so after another moment.

"Hey. Noel." Gauntlet said, as Savior glanced in his direction. "Get the picture now? She didn't even notice you almost died."

"…maybe. I don't regret it." Savior said. "I guess that's the bright side of such choices. You don't have regrets afterward. Remember what that was like, Gauntlet? You haven't lost your memories yet."

Gauntlet said nothing, as he wandered away as well. Savior stood up, cracking his neck and testing his limbs.

"He is not speaking false though." Batgirl said, walking up as she pulled her mask off. "I do not know why you would do something like that for the alien. She does not seem to be worth it."

"Some people might have said the same thing about you, Cass." Savior said, looking at the vigilante. "I certainly don't regret you."

Batgirl smiled slightly, the ghost of happiness passing over her face, before she became serious again.

"We have a job to do." Batgirl said, pulling her mask back on. "Then…can you read some more to me?"

"As you wish, Batgirl." Savior said. "As you wish."

* * *

Gauntlet didn't pay attention to the couple. He was thinking about other things. Past, present, and future. As he did so, he pulled out his communicator. After some thought, he keyed in a number.

A moment later, a Japanese girl with shoulder length reddish hair and square glasses appeared on the screen.

"Hey, Noriko." Gauntlet said.

"Rob! You sound…almost cheerful. I've missed that." Noriko said.

"Yeah, I know. I've been kind of…"

"A whiny bleep?"

"I was going to say mopey, actually. How's your brother?"

"Still working for Slade. Still bitter that he took Terra as his main apprentice first. Especially considering how that worked out." Noriko said.

"You mean the fact she was completely nucking futs and ending up crushing herself under a ton of rock because she was so eager to try and kill us all? Yeah, I can see why Kurai be'd cheesed off still." Gauntlet said. "So…um…if I borrowed a T-Plane and went over there, what day's good for you?"

"What? You actually want to see me instead of being stoical?"

"It's been a rough six months. I want to work on making it up to you…"

"I'm free anytime. Dad was asking after you, so I think he wouldn't mind you staying over."

"…I think I can get out of town Friday. It won't be for more than a day, but…it's something."

"I'll take it." Noriko said.

"…heh." Gauntlet said. "Bleep'n groovy."

* * *

"…_yeah, don't really like this world. Even IF things aren't hopeless. Let's go somewhere else."_

"_**As you wish."**_


	5. Part 4: Die Hard

No Cyborg: Die Hard

"_**Victor Stone. Cyborg."**_

"_Another foundation of the team. Heck, our base used to be his house. And as much as he dislikes his machine half sometimes, this is a guy who was able to understand it enough to spontaneously manifest mechanokinesis or whatever it would be called, that one time with Blood anyway. If this is going to be another dark mess though, I'll pass."_

"_**Darkness comes in many shades…"**_

_**------------  
**_

_Jump City, California._

It was another quiet day in Jump City, like many before it.

Nothing out of the ordinary had ever happened here.

Except for that time Green Arrow and Green Lantern had traveled through on their journey to "find America,", whatever that meant.

_**------------**_

_Cuidad City, Florida._

Hell had come to the surface of the Earth.

Literally. The city had become a nightmare of scorched rock and burning flame, and the silo that had overseen the town had become a twisted parody of what it had once been. Within its seething heart, three figures stood.

One was Rachel Roth, better known as Raven, and she had clearly seen better days. Her outfit was shredded, her skin was pale, and her flesh was ablaze with glowing demonic runes. She was also imprisoned in a circular cage of black jagged metal, having fallen to her knees, her head lowered in shame.

She'd failed. She'd tried so hard, and still failed. Her father was breaking through, his might already empowering the servants he had recruited. All her efforts had been in vain.

Now she would bring doom to her friends. Her team. The ones who had dared to care for her.

"It is over, human." Said the second figure. Clad in dark purple robes, his face a wicked mask, Psimon looked down on the fool who had dared to oppose him and his master Trigon. His brain pulsed and seethed, the clear case on top of his head that exposed it barely seeming capable of containing it and the power that now coursed within it. "You had little chance before, when the master merely empowered me. But now I have wrenched your love's greatest power, the Eye of Azaroth, from her, and turned it to my bidding. Now you have _NO_ chance."

"Really." Said the third figure. He wore an outfit of white and black, with blonde hair done up in an elevated style some might find familiar. His eyes were covered in goggles, and a familiar symbol known as the _taijitu_ adorned his chest and headband. His face did not betray the fear roiling in his guts. He had hoped it would never come to this, and yet it had. He really had the worst luck with relationships: instead of sitting and watching a movie, as he'd wanted, instead, he was fighting a psychic forerunner of the demon lord who had fathered his girlfriend.

He'd really wanted to watch a movie too. Maybe _The Untouchables._ He liked _The Untouchables._

"It was over before it began." Psimon cackled, holding the black transparent gem with the blue core, the Eye of Azarath, the most powerful magical artifact that had ever come out of the dimension Raven hailed from. She had spent several long years trying to master it. It had availed her naught against him, as he fused the gem into his palm. "The heroes that would have stood against us were strangled in the womb! The only way to stop us, destroyed before they began! It was so easy to make sure they never stayed together! You…you are nothing compared to them! Your agonies for thinking otherwise will be indescribable!"

"…look, are you planning to talk me to death, or something more traditional?"

"IDIOTIC EXCREMENT." Psimon hissed. "Who do you think you are?"

"Me?" Yin said, as he adjusted the belt buckle he wore, a fused symbol of a Y and a W. "I'm just someone who BOUNCES BACK WELL."

Yin spoke no more, as he thrust out an arm and extended his fist across the entire room, his limb stretching like taffy. Psimon laughed and held up his own arm, and Yin's fist hit an invisible psychic barrier and was swiftly deflected away.

"You can't win Davis…" Raven whispered in despair, as Yin hurled himself at Trigon's emissary again.

Even if he'd heard her, Yin wouldn't have believed a second of it.

* * *

_They come from all walks of life, all motivations, all deviations._

_They may not be the Titans, but they are the same regardless. They are heroes._

_They are __**THE WATCH.**_

"_Alea Iacta Est."_

* * *

"All right. I've done some careful planning and calculations, and have since decided that the best strategy against this lot is to run. That way, to be specific." Metatron said, looking outward at the assembled masses of demons as he pointed in the opposite direction from them. If his appearance had changed any from his leather pants and t-shirt and golden streaked black hair, it was too subtle to tell. "They'll be so flustered by our apparent retreat that we can use it to our advantage by ACTUALLY retreating. It's BRILLIANT. I DEFY you to deny that."

One could see why he appeared to be apprehensive: assembled in front of the Watch were legions of creatures, twisted living fusions of what appeared to be fire and soot. One of the Watch had dubbed them 'Synders', but that had been when the Watch had been faced with small groups of the creatures.

Before Psimon had tipped his hand. Before he'd made his final push. The end result of that was all around the Watch, their city and home turned into a nightmare volcanic inferno, as well as in the endless hordes of evil that would soon fall on them. They were stuck between the devil and what had once been the deep blue sea, and now was something worse.

"Did this plan take into account that the only one who isn't going to be vaporized by the towering walls of hellfire not far from us is you?"

"Yes. Which is doubly impressive since there's no actual hellfire around. It just goes to show how well-prepared my brilliant plan that I've thought about for all of three seconds is."

"Are you accounting for the fact said fire, hell or otherwise, still has enough black magic and evil in it to charbroil _us _if we try and run?"

"Why do you keep dissing the plan? It's a good plan! At least all of this isn't made of REAL Hellfire--you know, the Flames that Consume Eternity? Like those Heat Demons used? THEN we might be in trouble. Psimon hasn't called Trigon over yet, so he went for this diluted stuff." Metatron said, as he grabbed up a rock and hurled it through the distant fire. "See? Not strong enough to eat it away into nothing instantly, I think we could easily just try our luck and--wow, look at that, it's all melty and distorty…" Metatron said, watching the rock dissolve in the flames. "You know, the plan might need some polishing. Maybe if we were to make a run through it BEFORE they melt completely? I'm open to suggestions. You? What say you, Aurora?"

"…bagels." Aurora said. She was tall and lanky, though her blue, glinting plastic-esque armor mostly concealed the latter. Said armor had a faded yellow starburst over her chest, and inexplicably seemed to expose her abdomen. Her hair was a shade of red so light it was almost pink, and her face was a mask of freckles, though her expression and eyes were intense.

"Turning the air blue, yay, that's going to solve our problem." Arkham said. Her costume was the usual skintight, hardly-creased number for superheroes, colored black and a dark, slightly off green, with what appeared to be tribal markings etched across her frame. A jacket that matched the costume went over her shoulders, and her mask covered most of her face, from forehead to nose, her brown hair pulled back in a tight braid behind her. She had a strong build, albeit one that suggested casual athletics rather then constant weight-lifting. and was quite tall for a woman, around 6'2. Her chest had its own sigil, a tribal eye design that appeared as two arrows and a sharp oval in-between them. "Though considering we're down half our number and we don't know where two of that half is…that may be up for debate."

"Hey now, no need to panic. We can handle this." Portal said. He was the tallest of the group, with a rather lean body type shot through with wiry muscle. He had short brownish-black hair, a nondescript face, and a costume that looked similar to Metatron's, albeit with some brown mixed in with the black and a large P on the chest plate of the leather armor. "Aurora you take the 6,000 on the left, Arkham can take the 8,000 on the right…"

"And what do YOU plan to do, Mr. Mental Blocks?" Aurora said.

"What I do best, ruin some demon's day. No matter WHAT mental blocks Mr. Psimon supposedly stuck on me to-!" Portal said, and then thrust both his arms out, as if trying to envelop his teammates with power.

He was, but all that came to him was a drilling pain in his head. He grunted and withdrew his arms, holding his pained cranium.

"Bleep! Alright! Ruining demon's day, take two! Flying solo!" Portal said. A second later, he disappeared.

A moment later he re-appeared, about thirty feet away and directly in front of the Synder army.

"…OH CR-!" Portal yelped, and disappeared again. He re-appeared among his teammates.

"And that would be the one that keeps you attached to us." Aurora said.

"More to the point, have you guys noticed that we are remarkably un-maimed despite the legions of diluted hell opposing us?" Metatron said. "Their proper manners by letting us keep talking is a pleasant surprise. I think they might be related to the Youma. Maybe we should all start dancing and choreographing our attacks. Miniskirts are-"

With a horrendous shrieking wail, the Synder army charged forward.

"You just HAD to say something didn't you?" Aurora said, and slammed her hands together as a white beam flew from them. The line of light carved through the first Synders, but they were swiftly replaced.

"So, who's in charge?" Metatron said.

"Ah, uh…I'll handle this…" Aurora blinked, then glanced at Metatron. "Met, you're in charge! What are our orders!?"

Metatron stopped for a second, seemingly to consider it.

"Okay. I order you all to wear miniskirts!"

"NO!" Aurora yelled.

"No." Arkham said.

"Can we go over here please?" Portal called from where he'd teleported to get away from the Synders.

"Okay fine, boring noobs." Metatron said. A Synder blasted a roiling blaze of fire at the demon. He didn't even bother to dodge it, as the cursed fire struck him and was absorbed into his body. The Synder wasn't so lucky, as Metatron fired his own golden fire back into the demon and blew it apart. "I order Aurora to strip naked and go dance under the moonlight, that'll surely attract virgins whose blood we'll need for the ritual needed to get rid of these guys."

"Don't be ridiculous, that ritual takes three hours!"

"It does? Fine. I order Arkham to get bur-"

"Gruagh!" Arkham said, holding up an arm to keep another demonic fireball from hitting her face.

"Oh. Well done. I promote you to chief advisor." Metatron said, and turned back to the Synders. "And you! I ORDER YOU TO STOP ATTACKING!"

The Synders shrieked, swinging arms of flame and breathing eruptions and blasts of demonic heat. The Watch scattered, barely avoiding the attacks.

"Oh, so it's mutiny is it? I never thought I'd see the day!" Metatron said, as his face went serious. "Aurora fly above them and start bombarding them, draw their fire, fly higher to avoid their attacks! Don't bother with blinding attacks, they won't work! Portal, jump around and get them to cluster together. Arkham, when they are, do something interesting I forgot your powers again!"

"Way ahead of you." Arkham said, as she punched one fist into the other. Her body suddenly began to expand, the large woman growing even larger until she was just over twenty feet tall. The closest attacking Synders promptly met a boot the size of a car.

"Oh yeah, that! Okay. Aurora, you're fired for making ME of all people give orders. What the hell were you thinking? And why are you still wearing clothes?"

"I don't handle stress well."

"And you're still wearing clothes because?"

"Burning is a form of stress! Forget the nudity! Time to go medieval on EVIL!" Aurora yelled, as she took to the sky and rained down blasts of light.

"Yes, that's the spirit! Let us punch and kick them until the situation somehow resolves itself! When has that NOT worked?" Metatron said, and then turned and leapt, flying into the Synders as he tore them apart with clawed hands and vicious kicks. The Synders did not stand there and take it, but all their blasts were just absorbed into Metatron, and any blows they landed caused their dully glowing limbs to go completely black. Metatron exhaled a golden mist: despite the terrible situation, he looked pleased. A moment later, he spun and unleashed a storm of golden orbs, the spheres hitting Synders and erupting into golden mist explosions that tore the demons apart.

"Okay then…what's left…don't know where she is. Don't know where SHE is…know where HE is, don't know how to go after him…oh yeah! Did anyone see where Gene went when we were ambushed?"

_**------------**_

The black rock shattered as the form came tumbling down onto it, making a rather sizable crater that belied the weight of the human-sized maker of it.

Well, human size was relative. The man who began crawling out of the crater was big for humans, being around 6'5 with a powerful, football player's build. Scorched and filthy dirty-blonde hair briefly covered his ruggedly handsome face before he pushed said hair aside. Strangely, unlike the others seen, he was not wearing any apparent costume. He was dressed simply in jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, or rather what was left of one. Ugly, unpleasant markings were carved across his flesh, and one of his eye's whiteness had seemingly turned red with blood.

If you looked closely, you might have seen the metal underneath the wounds. The figure grunted as light, mocking laughter reached his ears.

"Mm, mm, mm Gene. Nice upgrade. How do you like mine?" Said the girl, as she strolled towards the crater. She would have made virtually all men, and even a fair number of women, do a double take and then stare. While she was short, she had an amazing body, gorgeous Asian features, and a gigantic bust that skirted the edge of being normal (and of the type that would be very hard to have without immense surgery). She wore an outfit that fully showed off her assets, that being a tight sleeveless tank-top with a bared midriff and tight short shorts. The man who had come out of the hole he'd made did not seem impressed.

"Upgrade? Looks like the same old trash to me." 'Gene' said. The girl laughed again, and then thrust out her hand. Red arcs of energy exploded from her palm and struck Gene, and he screamed as he was thrown backwards, slamming against the edge of the crater and carving a groove outward from it.

"Okay…that burned…that's not right, I can't be burned-AUUUUUAAAAAAGH!" Gene screamed as the woman suddenly dropped down from the sky on top of him, having leapt over the crater in one massive bound to bury her foot in Gene's chest.

"Alter Red, Alter Red, Alter Red…" The girl said, leaning down as her hand traced his chin. "You stupid little tin soldier."

The girl blasted Gene/Alter Red point-blank in the face, and stepped off with another laugh as he writhed on the ground.

"All these years and you still don't get it. I am your superior. I was made as your better. I chose to be like this. I _chose_ my name. I am Alter Black. You? You're my puppet that I get to play with, until I'm bored. Then I just cut your st-"

The spinning kick Alter Red threw was easily avoided, as Alter Black easily and gracefully leapt back.

"You talk too much Jean…" Alter Red said. Alter Black sniggered and then stomped her foot. More demonic energy exploded beneath Alter Red and hurled him into the air, before Alter Back jumped up and smashed him back into the ground.

"You know who else talked too much? That little hot-bleep you've chased around like a puppy all these years. The one who couldn't stop pitying you." Alter Black said. Gene stiffened. "What, you were wondering why your team's leader wasn't here?"

"What are you talking about?"

"She was the first stop I made when O'Brainy recruited my services. A great deal, by the way." Alter Black said, her hand glowing with crimson power. "Maybe when I get bored beating the life out of your inferior husk, I'll drag you where I left her. Hell, you can even dig her up. Where I buried her alive."

Alter Red stared for a moment…as in his vision, a man in a nice suit suddenly appeared, standing behind his female enemy. If Alter Black noticed him, she gave no sign.

"Remember. Her joints are her weak spot." The Man In The Suit said.

Gene did not reply, as he charged towards his enemy. Alter Black just laughed.

"You're already too late." Alter Black said, and unleashed more burning power.

* * *

_Gotham City._ _The Museum of Natural History._

In the end, all Isaiah Boyle was guilty of was guilt by association. He was the nephew of Ferris Boyle.

As a result of that, his exhibit had come under attack by Dr. Victor Fries, aka Mr. Freeze. Freeze's rough plan had been to steal a frozen mammoth that was the centerpiece of the display. Exactly what Freeze planned to do with the mammoth, even he didn't know. He was too much of a scientist to destroy it, and after what had happened in his deal with Nyssa Al'Ghul, any excuse to hurt anyone was good enough for Freeze. Having the head of the exhibit be related to the man who had made him how he was was all it took.

He had attempted to commit his robbery when he believed that Gotham's resident protectors were occupied. He was wrong.

"You cannot steal that antediluvian object, please!"

Freeze turned towards the voice and unleashed his cryonic gun. He caught an orange blur out of the corner of his eye moving away as he coated the wall he'd hit with ice. A moment later a lithe form slammed into him, almost knocking him off his feet.  
Freeze showed surprising speed though, as he knocked his attacker away and regained his feet. The voice was female. He was not used to hearing female voices when it came to those who would oppose him.

"Fall silent." Mr. Freeze said, as he fired at the black and orange form. It dodged out of the way again…going straight up. It could fly.

It could also kick, as the black outfit'd and metal helmed and masked Starfire dropped down from the museum's roof.

Again, Freeze showed surprising speed, his arm lancing up and seizing Starfire by her ankle. The villain spun and hurled Starfire through the air, this time getting a better lead on his shot as he aimed at the alien. Her dodge was not as effective this time, and she fell to the ground, her left side frozen.

"Now the dark knight sends freaks. I shall send them back to him. In pieces." Mr. Freeze said, aiming his cannon again.

He briefly saw the steam shoot off the ice on the girl before it shattered, as Starfire stood up, emerald power erupting on her hands.

Freeze fired. Starfire fired in turn. The beams met in mid-air, and an intense hissing noise filled the museum as the heat and cold canceled each other out. Freeze's eyes narrowed, but he held his stance.

"My weapon has enough charge to last forty minutes at maximum capacity fool. How long can you possibly hold your end?"

"Long enough."

Mr. Freeze didn't get the chance to respond to the familiar voice, as the Batarang flew out of the shadows and slashed across the back of Freeze's suit, destroying vital components. A second later a red Birdarang slammed into Freeze's gun and cut the cold beam off entirely.

"Batm…!" Was all Freeze got out, turning around as Robin's red and black suited form dropped down from the roof and smashed Freeze over the head with his staff, shattering the protective dome and exposing Freeze to the normal temperature of the museum. Freeze staggered back, gasping, and then another Batarang flew through the air, catching Freeze upside the head. He collapsed with a loud thud.

"Robin! Er…" Starfire said, lowering her head as Batman and Robin entered from the shadows. "I attempted to end it swiftly…he moved faster than I expected…"

"You should have expected it." Batman said. Starfire lowered her head more.

"Oh don't let him get to you. Letting us take Freeze down in thirty seconds is good no matter what the small details are." Robin said.

"Robin…" Batman said in a mild warning tone.

"Well, it is." Robin said.

"Maybe so. It is still something that could have been ten seconds."

"I will try harder." Starfire said.

"Don't try harder. Fight smarter." Batman said, as he carefully inspected Mr. Freeze. "That's what makes you get home alive."

"Yes sir." Starfire said, and then shuddered briefly.

"Starfire?" Batman said, looking at her. "Something wrong?"

"No…I just had an odd sensation. Like we should be…somewhere else? Hard to say."

"…well, unless you have spontaneously manifested psychic abilities, I would chalk it up to nerves. Come now. Night's not over yet."

Robin glanced at Batman, whose mask betrayed nothing. Well, almost nothing. Robin was able to glean one thought.

_She has potential Robin. It's why I trained her and let her come along. But please, it would be best if you didn't bring back any more…strays._

Robin's returning look said all that was needed.

_Oh don't worry about that Bruce. I think this one's a keeper.

* * *

_

To Yin, hitting the corner of a wall so hard he was bent in half was nowhere near as bad as it would be for a normal person. It still hurt like hell, and hitting the ground nearly face-first after such an impact didn't feel too great either.

"Beginning to grasp the futility of it yet, fool?" Psimon said. "You barely had a chance when your stolen artifact briefly interfered with the commands of the master's legions. Now you once again have none. A lesson you will learn the hard way."

"Blah blah blah, God there really is no new material amongst your types, is there? As for lessons…" Yin said, pushing himself up before he coiled himself in a screw and launched himself at Psimon in a spinning missile. Psimon cackled and lashed out with his hand, and Yin was smashed into another wall by an immense telekinetic attack.

"Hopeless-" Was all Psimon got out before Yin immediately sprang off the wall and lanced out with his fist. Psimon waved another hand and the fist was deflected once more…as Yin vanished from Psimon's sight. The elastic hero had shot out his legs even as he'd punched, wrapping his ankles around a protruding object on the floor and pulling himself downward. He recalled his arm as he headed to the floor, ricocheting off the ground from his impact and up against another wall. Psimon turned around to find Yin heading his way once more, lashing out with another fist that Psimon didn't have time to deflect.

The deep sense of satisfaction Yin felt fell as his fist smashed into Psimon's face was quickly dispelled as Psimon snarled in rage and smashed Yin into the ground with another telekinetic impact, said impact being so hard he nearly went straight through the floor.

"Very well, you idiot. I am done playing."

Yin got up in time for another impact to smash into his chin, knocking him up into the air. He flipped as he went and lashed out with another punch. Psimon pointed, and forces seized Yin's arm and directed his punch right back into his own face. Yin hit the ground again, bouncing to his feet, as multiple Psimons appeared around Yin, laughing and spiraling around his form. Yin watched a second, and then spun and lashed out with a roundhouse, his leg sweeping through multiple illusions before another force push smashed into his back. No sooner had Yin landed on his face, again, before Psimon buried him beneath a pile of rubble yanked down from the ceiling.

"I wasn't bothering using my telepathy before, hero. It seemed too easy already." Psimon said. "Now? Now I know every plan you have the moment you think of it."

The rubble shattered as Yin emerged, but he was not the one freeing himself. Psimon was yanking him up with his mind.

"I was going to hurt you before, hero, but now…the forces of hell will be impressed with what I do." Psimon said, and hurled Yin backwards. He slammed into Raven's cage so hard that he warped the bars.

"Davis…" Raven said.

"…right." Yin said, coughing violently as blood spilled over his lower lip. "Still got a few breaths in me."

"…why?"

"You know." Yin said, briefly turning his head to look at Raven. "Remember. Reme…"

Yin's body was yanked off the cage, hovering in the air as Psimon floated over.

"Now, let's see just what I can DO with this." Psimon said, holding up the Eye of Azarath. Dark energies bloomed from the gem, and then formed into tearing claws that lashed out towards Yin.

Raven felt his scream in her soul as much as her ears.

_**------------**_

Alter Red did not scream as the blast hurled him through the rock face. Even though he wanted to. He would not give Jean the satisfaction.

It was not going well for him. Not only was Alter Black manifesting energy abilities that not only burned him, but burned him without destroying his flesh (which, while painful, made him more effective as the nerves died), but she had seemingly negated his greater strength had well. The few blows he had landed had been ignored. Considering strength was one of the few advantages he had over Alter Black…

"Magnificent power, isn't it?" Alter Black said, walking forward, the crimson energy crackling up her arm. "I can feel it coursing through me. Makes me feel…alive. More alive then I was when I was just pathetic flesh and bone."

"I'm sure it does." Alter Red said, seizing a piece of the rock face he'd shattered and hurling it at Alter Black like a bullet. She blew the projectile out of the air, and as Gene followed it up with a charge she spun and kicked him across the landscape again.

"Better than what your little bleep was made of. It broke so easily." Alter Black said. "With this power…I might just live forever. While I bet her last moments were wishing to die. And hating you for being so idiotic to love her."

"Yes yes, keep talking, keep trying to distract me, keep not noticing what I've been…doing!" Alter Red said, before he slammed his foot down on the ground. Alter Black once again learned the hard way she should pay attention during a battle, as instead of a direct crack in the ground she found the ground directly beneath her exploding up. Unlike Jean, Alter Red didn't have new demonic powers, but he hadn't just been tossing his power around willy-nilly either. He'd been hitting the ground in precise spots and waiting for the right opening to present itself to steal her trick.

He'd found it, as Alter Black was hurled backwards onto her rear from the eruption of rock. Alter Red was already charging in, holding another piece of rock as a combined shield and battering ram.

It didn't work, as Alter Black merely glanced at her inferior predecessor, and more of the red power shot from her eyes, shattering the rock and seizing Gene in place. Smirking, Jean stood up and thrust out her hands, and even more burning energies flashed out and tore into Gene, the overwhelming pain driving him to his knees.

"Yes, very good. Try to use a rock to beat a high tech machine. That's not stupid at all." Alter Black said, running a hand through her hair. "Let me remind you just what you're dealing with…"

Jean's hands lit up, before red lasers flashed out from her fingers and over her own body. The noise of the battlefield covered the sizzling noise, and Alter Red didn't have the nose that would have been needed to catch the horrific smell of the process, as Alter Black literally flash-fried her own skin off.

Revealed in her true robot form, Alter Black came off as smaller, though that mostly had to do with the fact she no longer had breasts. Her body still had a feminine design, with normally-white lines glowing red on her blueish-black metal form. Her robot head was bald, her eyes having turned dull blue and sunken into her head, and an armored guard had appeared over her mouth. It did not, however, stop her from talking.

"What are you trying to do, Gene? Really." Alter Black said. "Look at where we are. Look at what you've become. Even if you live past this fight, even if, by some MIRACLE, she survives, and you reunite…you will still outlive her. Just give in. It's the best you'll ever get. It's the best you'll ever be. Dead. It's all you deserve."

"Right…and I'm going to listen to you why?" Alter Red said, and attacked once more.

_**------------**_

"This is RIDICULOUS!" Aurora cursed, holding out her hands as she fended off multiple blows with a force field of light. "I feel like I'm trying to bail out the ocean with a bucket!"

"Makes you wish we hadn't turned down Replicator for membership." Portal said, before warping away from more attacking Synders.

"He was a pervert!"

"Yeah that doesn't seem like such a bad downside now." Portal said, and warped away again. A shadow fell over the Synders a moment before Arkham smashed the large piece of landscape she'd collected down on them. No sooner had she done that then more Synders swarmed on her, a hundred fire ants from hell (literally) that forced her to slap and thrash around like she was having a seizure.

"You know, we can just go our separate ways and you can tell Trigon you beat me in an epic battle where I barely managed to escape with my life, if you wan--no? Ah, well, okay then." Metatron said, as more Synders blasted fiery streams at him. Metatron absorbed the heat once more and spun around, firing the energy back off his leg in a bladed golden crescent that carved through several dozen of the Synders. He would have commented about how awesome it was, had they not immediately been replaced by more Synders.

One thing he did not want to comment about was the ache he was beginning to feel in his muscles. He could absorb heat, in large quantities, but he couldn't keep doing it forever. The process had a gradual wear and tear effect, and Metatron was beginning to feel the wear.

"Sigh." Metatron said, and then leapt back to the attack. "One day I'll encounter a full-fledged Heat Demon who will mock my human body's inability to keep up with the power and I will say 'Yep. You're absolutely right.' Of course then I'll beat him or her in an impressive display of cleverness and quick-fire repartee, possibly involving unicorns, and then I'll be able to say '…no, ya, you are still right. Human bodies kinda put a damper on things…'…I'm sure I had an uplifting point in here somewhere. I think I may have forgotten it."

* * *

_Hollywood, California._

"Okay look Murray, I don't care. Either we get 5.75 percent of the gross or we don't do the _Space Trek 2022 _special." Garfield Logan said, lounging in the makeup chair of the trailer he was in. "Right, we're playing hardball. You _KNOW_ I don't like playing hardball, and you know _WHY_ I learned to play hardball anyway. I've come a long way since I was playing Tork, and if I'm going to risk having people ONLY remember me as Tork, they're going to pay for it."

An assistant brought Gar a soft drink: he turned into a monkey to pop it open with his feet, turning back into his human self and sipping.

"Ah, perfect! Keep it up!" Gar said, flashing the assistant a thumbs up. "What? No Murray, real life person. So, what else is up?"

Gar listened as his agent gave him a rundown, even as the makeup girl tried to work around his phone.

"Guest spot on the _Simpsons_? What am I playing? Homer's new neighbor Leroy? Sold! Yeah, I know it's dumb, but it's the _Simpsons_. Don't worry so much about the payday. I'll do scale if I have to, as long as they play it up in the advertising. Because it's name recognition, Murray. You taught me that's worth its weight in gold, remember? Especially since I have to share my name with that cat. What else? How's the album sales?"

Gar listened as the makeup girl continued to try to do her work.

"That bad? Is Sugar Pop still in the Top 40? Number 39? Well figure something out. Maybe I could do my song on the Simpsons? Yeah, I know I can't sing. That never stopped half the pop stars out there."

Another assistant brought Gar a small pen-like object. Gar looked it over and nodded, tucking it away in his shirt.

"Okay, how about the Tork action figures? Really? Wow, thank you JJ Abrams and Doug Walker. Maybe I WILL be able to afford that new hot tub. Thanks Murray. Anyway, the makeup girl's giving me the stinkeye, so I guess I should sit still and let her work. Later. Remember, 5.75 or NOTHING."

Garfield Logan hung up his phone and let the makeup girl finish her job. When she was done he tipped her a hundred and stood up.

"All right then-Ugh!" Gar said, shuddering.

"Something wrong sir?"

"Ugh…think someone just walked over my grave or something. Weird." Gar said, dismissing the weird tingle. A quick adjustment to the device in his clothing, and Gar Logan looked like any average handsome Hollywood actor (if he did say so himself).

"Well then, back to the grind." Gar said, stepping out of the trailer as yet another assistant handed him a script. "Let's see, _On the Revolution of the Spheres _Episode 309..._On The Revolution Of The Spears._ Oh ha ha, I see what you did there. I swear I could write these scripts myself, lazy titles…ha. That is a good line. Okay, I forgive the title based on that line."

* * *

"…unbelievable." Psimon said, looking at the shredded, bloodsoaked, and still-standing figure in front of him. Even though his head felt like it was one blow away from being knocked off, Yin felt he still managed a decent defiant glare.

"I could just invade your mind and crush it, like that…but that would just be too easy. You just continue to insist on this pointless resistance…"

"Shut UP." Yin groaned. "You are JUST like the Lord. On and ON, the same spiel OVER AND OVER. No wonder you villains are such bastards. It's probably to compensate for being so dreadfully BORING."

"…boring, you say." Psimon said. "You wish to experience BORING?"

The searing agony slammed into Yin's head, and he crumpled to the ground, screaming as the black energy drills tried to carve through his rubber cranium.

Raven watched as Psimon tortured Yin. So much pain, endured for her

…And deep within her something began to spark. It had taken a while to carve through the barriers Psimon had implanted in Raven's mind after he'd beaten her, but Psimon's sadism was finally beginning to outstrip his abilities.

The spark became a flame…

"How's THAT for BORING, idiotic HERO?" Psimon hissed. "Your love has already surrendered. Your teammates are being overwhelmed and will be eaten alive. You will WISH that was your fate, Yin. You will wish it MANY A TIME."

"I wish…you'd say something NEW." Yin rasped. Psimon's eyes blazed, and he thrust out a hand…

Only to find his path blocked. Yin's brain had been sealed off.

"…what?…YOU!" Psimon said, looking up at Raven. She was not crumpled in her cage any more. She was standing up.

"Me." Raven said. "I also want you to produce some original repartee."

"You can't do this!" Psimon yelled. "I beat you! Poisoned your mind with inescapable despair! Stole all your power! You can't…!"

"Can't is just a word, Psimon. Here's three more. AZARATH METRION ZINTHOS!" Raven yelled, thrusting out a hand. Psimon recoiled.

Only for nothing to happen.

"…heh. I hope you feel your last chance was used well, Raven. I may yet decide to convince my liege to use your treacherous flesh as breeding stock-"

"Nah." Yin said, suddenly right in front of Psimon. "Who wants an idiot for a father?"

Psimon could not pull away before Yin reached out and seized Psimon, wrapping his limbs around the mentalist's body. Psimon almost laughed again: his brain could crush the elastic hero long before Yin's limbs could, why would…

Then Yin seized the Eye of Azarath, and Psimon realized he'd been out-maneuvered twice in a row.

"NO!" Psimon roared, as Yin tried to yank the gem out of where it was embedded in Psimon's palm. "You will not do this! I will flay you down to NOTHING!"

Terrible forces, both cutting and burning, slammed into Yin's body. A normal human would have immediate been reduced to hamburger, and even Yin felt like someone had thrown him in a blender and then thrown the blender into a fire.

But he kept going. He didn't know what was driving him, or how much more of it he had left. All he knew was that if he was going to die, he was going to wipe that smirk off Dr. Simon Jones' face first. Or at the very least…

He was going to get Raven the last piece of home she had back.

He did.

Psimon screamed again as Yin finally wrenched the gem free from his hand, a brief spurt of black blood spraying on Yin before another pulse of energy blew both him and Psimon apart. He hit the ground, his body dragging a line on the floor for several feet before stopping.

The gem flew through the air. Yin hadn't aimed it, but it landed in the best spot it could.

Psimon got up just in time for Raven's cage to explode. He snarled in seething fury, as Raven re-appeared, her outfit repaired and white, the demonic runes on her body gone and the Eye of Azarath within her hands.

"You have failed Psimon." Raven said, her eyes glowing black. "Father would say the same, except that he will not come to this world to tell you in person."

"LIES! HIS CURSE EXISTS STILL, AS LONG AS I WILL IT! YOU CAN DO NOTHING!" Psimon screamed.

"You are right. And you are wrong." Raven intoned. "_I _cannot do anything to you or your forces…but _I _will not have to."

A sphere of blackness pulsed out from Raven's floating form. Psimon held up a hand, but the wave of energies passed harmlessly over him.

It did not do the same for Yin.

Psimon's eyes flicked down towards the Watch member, who had partially gotten up, the rubber man bent at the knees, one fist on the ground.  
The power had not passed over him. It had gone _into_ him. His skin seemed to glow pink, white mist rising off his body like a fog.

"Right then." Yin said. "Got my second gear. I mean, wind."

"…this changes nothing." Psimon snarled. "I am the avatar of Trigon The Terrible! I embody his power, his will! Even IF I no longer have the Eye, it merely means your death will be all the more slower and agoniz-"

Psimon didn't see the punch, in two fashions. He could no longer read Yin's mind. Raven had blocked his access.

The other fashion was the punch moved too fast to be seen, a sonic boom cracking the air before Yin's empowered fist cracked Psimon's face and skull dome. The impact threw him backwards, and he crashed with another scream against a wall.

"Wow, that was neat." Yin said.

Psimon flew back with a roar of fury, and a hammer blow smashed into Yin and sent him flying backwards into another wall.

_**------------**_

"You ever get the feeling you're just the drums in a heavy metal song?" Portal was saying, when he suddenly felt Raven's empowering wave sweep over him. "WHOO! HELLO NELLY!"

"Geeeeeech!" Aurora gasped, feeling the power sweep back down into her as well.

"…heh." Arkham said, as the entity that dwelled within her made a slight unpleasant response about the foreign power that had just been introduced into its host. "Well if you have a problem, PICK UP THE SLACK."

"…huh. Haki is to blame for this. I just know it." Metatron said. "Or Raven. Raven works. Well then, may as well go whole hog with the cliche! Quick cavalry, ride in to save the day and our bacon!"

Metatron pointed into the distance…but all that came were more shrieking Synders.

"What is it with the mutinies today? I swear if they took an early break..."

"Stop talking and FIGHT!" Aurora yelled, flying past Metatron as she raked across the ground with a laser ray, an explosion following in her attack's wake.

"Hey no fair, I was told to give ord-!" Metatron yelled, before a legion of Synders all attacked Metatron at once, his form disappearing beneath them. "Hey, quit it! It tickles…!"

"No cavalry?" Arkham said. "Right then, let's make do…"

_**------------**_

If Gene knew the, or any cavalry, was coming, he gave no sign, as Alter Black pounded repeated fists into his stomach before seizing his face and slashing across it. Alter Red staggered backwards before Alter Black kicked him a few dozen feet away. He crashed back down to the ground, half of his true metal face now exposed like a more famous robot.

"You know, I thought you would have gotten a clue by now. After getting that upgrade you wanted so badly, do you bug off and quit this martyr bleep? No, you just keep right on trying to save the world! Do you think the world cares? No. The world either looks at you as something to take apart or something to hate. So of course, you want to sacrifice yourself for it! Then again, that's right in line for your usual brilliant thinking."

"You haven't gotten anything new to say either." Alter Red said. Alter Black laughed and fired another burning ray, blowing Gene backwards several more feet.

"There you go, trying to put on the brave front. I know it's bullbleep, Gene." Alter Black said. "You're screaming inside. Well, keep doing it. It's good practice."

"…you still don't understand karma, do you?" Gene said.

"Why would-IYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Alter Black screamed as the katana slashed out and carved a line across Jean's metal face. Alter Black staggered back a step, her hand flying to the mark as a black form flipped away from her and came to a stop.

Even without her helmet, even with her costume sliced to ribbons and stained with dirt, even with her face crusted with blood and her hair stained with even more blood and dirt, Nightwalker cut a magnificent form, as what was left of her shoulder capes fluttered in the battle wind.

"Turning and turning in the widening gyre." Nightwalker said. "But this falcon has returned to her falconer."

"…NO! MY FACE! BLEEP! BLEEP BLEEP! I KILLED YOU! I _KILLED YOU!"_ Alter Black shrieked.

"You didn't kill me hard enough." Nightwalker said

"Oh, she did survive. Well there goes that experiment to see if we can revive corpses." The Man In The Suit said, indicating with his head towards the sword-wielding heroine. Gene had no reply, as he pulled himself up and stepped up next to Nightwalker.  
"Ready to put her down?" Alter Red asked.

"Hard, fast, and vicious." Nightwalker replied, giving her sword a brief twirl before she stepped into battle position.

"YOU BLEEP! YOU BLEEEEEEEEEEEEP!" Alter Black screamed. "I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL BURN YOU DOWN TO NOTHING AND SUFFOCATE HIM WITH YOUR ASHES! YOU BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!" The robot shrieked, and thrust out her arms as more arcs of incarnadine power tore along the ground towards them.

Raven's power boost had actually hit the two Watch members when they were getting blasted across the ground and when they had been silently running towards the occupied robot to get a good close shot. Neither had really noticed.

They still didn't, as they dodged out of the way of the attacks and ran in to return their own, Alter Black shrieking all the while.

* * *

_Somewhere in the United States._

"So, how are things in the itty bitty titty committee?" Rose Wilson said, rather nastily, to the blonde girl sitting in a chair.

"Oh, about as can be expected." Terra replied, tilting her head so her blonde hair fell over her eye. "Though I'm getting sick of your jealousy. Just because you can't sleep to the top of this organization…"

"Well, you've already got THAT locked in." Rose replied. Terra glared intensely, as Rose gave her a wicked smile.

"How'd you like to be two feet tall, cyclops?" Terra said. Rose Wilson, the Ravager, did not get to reply, mainly due to Slade's third and final apprentice, Shiro Kurai, suddenly vomiting very loudly and violently.

"…I told you eating raw fish would come to no good." Terra said, crossing one leg and feeling the metallic mesh of her outfit rub together.

"HOW?! WHY?!" Kurai rasped. "HE'S AS OLD AS YOUR GRANDFATHER!"

"I just see something in him." Terra said, and she was speaking the truth.

"You…ugh, you may see sushi on the ground, but what was really ejected was my respect for you." Kurai said.

"I don't need it. We do what Slade says, and that's what matters. Besides, you Japanese are all crazy to begin with." Terra said.

"No see, the CRAZY Japanese would have asked for photos and the rights to turn that into a hentai game."

Terra was about to reply, when she felt a strange twinge run through her. She cocked her head, wondering what it was, and swiftly dismissing it when she couldn't figure it out.

"He's got you there." Rose said, figuring Terra's silence as her having no answer.

"Maybe, but I ask, when was the last time either of YOU got laid?"

"Well, I'll have you know that last week…" Kurai said, before all the air left his lungs, due to Rose viciously elbowing him in the stomach. Terra stared a moment at this, and then it clicked.

"…no…NO! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!" Terra laughed, as she realized just who her other two allies/rivals were seeing.

"God DAMN it Kurai, that was supposed to be a secret!" Rose cursed.

"I…I think you aren't in a position to rag on me anymore." Terra said. "Ha! Ha ha! You don't even have a horror movie plot curse to blame it on this time! Oh god my ribs!"

"Can I be held responsible if those rumors about Japanese men turned out to be utterly false?" Rose said.

"I…ow, believe you ruptured something…but I appreciate the compliment." Kurai said.

_Meanwhile, in the command room._

"Wintergreen?" Slade Wilson said, looking at the screens before him and what had just played out.

"Yes sir?"

"When did my evil empire become _Dawson's Creek?_"

"Around the same time you started schtupping a seventeen year old girl who looked like a ten year old girl sir."

"…Wintergreen, do you know why you only appear in one episode?"

Wintergreen didn't have time to respond as Slade hurled his tea cup, catching Wintergreen on the forehead and sending him crashing to the ground. Slade ignored his valet's moaning, and went back to contemplating his plans.

* * *

"Great! I got a boost…so I can run away faster! Hoo-bleepin'-rah!" Portal sarcastically cheered, before he teleported away from more Synders.

"SorryIcan'treallyhelp! AndnowI'mincrediblyfastfornoreason…!" Metatron said, having freed himself easily as he dashed around the Synders. When one tried to strike him, he struck it first. Much to his surprise, where he could once throw two punches, he could now throw seven. "Hey, I'mthat…unfathonablymuscularanimeguy--Ken…something!"

"Good for you! I don't care!" Portal said.

"How'sthatgo…I know!" Metatron said, as he ran up to a group of Synders, blitzing them with punches. "MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA!…Waitnothat'snotright."

The Synders Metatron had punched apart were replaced swiftly, and in greater numbers.

"Imaynotrecalltheguy'sname, butI'mprettysurethis...!" Metatron said, dodging attacks. "Neverhappenedtohim! Whydoallthe _freakishly _muscularmengetthebreaks?…Well, Igotaboost, doIhaveanyothernew inexplicable powers? HeyIknow. ZA WARUDO!" Metatron yelled.

Nothing happened.

"…_Toki wa juusoku dewa arimasen_." Metatron said, and dodged away from another attack.

"Really, I got the feeling of a third wheel a while ago, but…uh oh." Portal said, turning around as more Synders approached. "Well then, shall I 'port to the left, or to…"

Portal's musing was cut off as a fist the size of a bus smashed down on the Synders. Portal looked up, wondering how he had missed Arkham coming. Especially since she'd grown up to her maximum 80+ foot height.

"Don't suppose I can ride up there and give directions?" Portal asked.

"I think those mental attacks are scrambling your usually quick mind, Portal. Think for a second." Arkham rumbled, before turning away and smashing aside another group of Synder with her hand.

"Right, think, think…quantum manipulation, semi-corporal beings, a sensation that I could run a marathon…" Portal said. "…wait, if I can still manipulate energy…!"

Portal reared up and swung out his fist, aiming at the nearest Synder. Amazingly, it did not get him third-degree burns. Instead, the Synder turned jet black, and then crumbled apart, a massive thunder crack of sound accompanying the blow.

"Ha! Punched the energy right out of the bleep!" Portal said. "I wonder what else I can do to them?"

Jets of fire flew at Portal, and he took the opportunity to disappear before they could hit him. Instead of just running away this time, however, he re-appeared behind the Synders and kicked one of them in the back. It produced the same result, and the same massive noise as Portal converted their animating energies into acoustic ones.

"All right, now all I have to do is not accidentally melt my limbs off and…!" Portal said, before vanishing again, as he rapidly blinked around the battlefield, hitting every single Synder he could find.

"Oh look I'm talking normally again! And you are still here." Metatron said, kicking another Synder away. "Okay now, things are just getting silly. This is NOT part of the list of things I would rather be doing on a Tuesday! And I'll have you know that is a remarkably thorough list!"

Multiple Synders slammed flaming limbs into Metatron, and more tossed explosive fireballs against his back. Metatron flipped off the impact, landing on his feet.

"Honestly, I could be watching Roseanne on Nick at Nite by now!" Metatron said, even as more Synders continued to attack him. "I could be sneaking into Yin's room and moving all his things half an inch to the left, thereby causing much exasperation and confusion while slowly driving him crazy! I could be watching _Star Wars _and wondering what the heck that bump on Mark Hamill's face is! I could be taking pictures of Sine during her workout and selling them to her fan clubs in the local high schools, thereby ensuring another vast increase in our income! I could be walking in on Heather and Collin for the third time this week and amusing myself by their combined embarrassment! I could be baking a chocolate cake! I could be entering an unknown dark tournament of hidden despair in which the demons congregate from all over the world and fight against an underdog spirit detective and his ragtag team of unlikely allies in an epic battle of epicness in which an old lady gets the axe until She Gets Better and the older-looking but ironically-younger sibling of pure power dies in a somewhat implausible series of events that didn't honestly live up to its hype--though don't get me wrong, it was good nonetheless! I could be being hurled across dimensions (again) by another random accident and enjoy some time with some Titans who never knew me despite the fact that I had technically died there while fighting them-I bet the Almighty is going to have a hell of a time figuring out how to fix THAT bit of continuity--and spend Christmas with them there until Noel emoes onto the roof and VERY conveniently stumbles into a random nigh-deity that rips off a nice 1946 movie by pretending to be clever and adding a twist, and then watch it all from a bird's eye viewpoint over THERE!" Metatron said, pointing to a random point in the sky. "I could be KNITTING! Yes, knitting! Around the hoop, into the loop, one to three stitches, and I gotta tell you, my doilies are just darling, so you better have a DAMN good reason why I'm here instead of not there, KNITTING!"

The Synder's answer was to slam Metatron was a massive combined fire attack. He slid backwards across the ground, his feet carving more marks in the stone.

"…actually, wait. I have a reason." Metatron said. "I'M IN CHARGE OF MALAYSIA! BLAAAAAARGGGHHHHHH!!!" Metatron erupted as he emitted a massive golden beam from his mouth. The explosion from the blast consumed all the Synders in front of him.

"WRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!" Metatron cried, throwing back his arms. "………..What the heck was that? Is the 'Almighty Creator' STILL putting memes in my mouth because he finds them amusing? That's what Rob's for."

* * *

"_I really hate that guy sometimes."_

"_**I doubt you will like this much more."

* * *

**_

_New York, New York._

Molly Bloom, the bartender of the _Twinged Nerve,_ had just started becoming interested in the charming stranger when someone kicked down the door of her place of employment.

"Now what's thi…" The stranger said before a weird projectile slammed into him and knocked him right off his stool. He hit the ground and rolled up, his bandanna falling off. Molly found herself staring at his hair, an almost perfect white.

"Now what is…"

The attacker ran and leapt, lashing out with a kick and sending the stranger through the door leading to the kitchen.

"Bleeps, leave." The Red Hood said, as he produced a rather large gun and headed towards the kitchen door. He stepped aside just before the chef flew out with a scream, and kicked the door open the other way, gun out.

"Oh look, the corpse walked over here." Noel "Christmas" Collins said, holding the dishwasher in front of him as a shield, white and red lines having sprouted from his hand and formed into blades' against the young man's whimpering throat. "Maybe I should reward you with another corpse."

"No thanks Senor Navidad." Red Hood said, and opened fire on the nearby fry pit. The grease exploded outward in a spray, burning the poor dishwasher, but also Christmas , who recoiled enough for the Red Hood to charge in and shoulder ram him away. Another kick smashed him through the door leading out into the alleyway.

"Call the police." The Red Hood said, stepping through the door. White and red lines tore at him, but he avoided them by cart-wheeling down the alleyway.

"Now! I am pretty sure you are the bleephole who has been killing women across several states, women who could be making sweet love with me down by the fire!" Red Hood said.

"Perhaps. What do you plan to do about it?" Christmas said. The Red Hood responded by pulling out another gun.

"End your wasteful reign of terror. Caio!"

Bullets filled the alleyway…and every single one of them was deflected by Christmas' whirling dervish of red and white energy lines.

"No, I don't think you'll be doing that." Christmas said, as the lines lanced out, seizing Red Hood and smashing him into the alley wall. "I still have a lot of…mother issues to work out. If getting rid of Jack taught me anything, it was that."

"Here's your last lesson then." Red Hood rasped, as he twisted his arm and two batarangs fell into his hand. He hurled them at Christmas, who snapped his head to the side.

As one Batarang hit the other in mid-flight, changing its flight path to match Christmas' dodge. The bladed weapon promptly went straight through his throat.

The lines fell away from the Red Hood, as Christmas staggered back, gurgling and clutching his throat. Red Hood brushed off his jacket and turned towards the corrupted teenager and mass murderer.

"I've been watching you. You always dodge right." The Red Hood said, as he drew yet another gun and lined up a shot on Christmas' head. "G'nite."

BLAM!

"And because I have lots of bullets." Red Hood said, picking up his earlier gun and emptying it into Christmas' corpse. "And because I saw what you did to Mad Dog when HE left you for dead…" The Red Hood said, pulling out a canister of napalm. "You get to meet my old friend fire."

After dumping the immensely volatile sludge on Christmas' body, ignoring the terrible smell of it all, the Red Hood walked away, pulling out a bottle of alcohol and shoving a rag into it.

"Lovely fire, to burn you away." The Red Hood said, as he lit the rag. "Enjoy!"

The Red Hood tossed his makeshift bomb, and the alleyway quickly swelled into an inferno of flames.

"Oh Molotov, you Russian genius you." The Red Hood said. "Hope that's a good warmup for the fires that wait your eternal…sleep…"

The Red Hood trailed off, his eyes widening behind his mask. Something was crawling from the flames. A hideous, thrashing mass of crimson and white.

A thrashing mass that reared up, forming into a crude face. A face that spoke.

"_IIIIIIIIIIIIIII…DONNNNNNNNNN'TTTT…SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPP!"_

"…bleep." The Red Hood said, and yanked up his last gun and opened fire. It did not stop the deadly leap.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

* * *

"_Go back to the battle. Battle is good."

* * *

_

"God…it just never ends…" Aurora gasped, her throat beginning to get raw from all the dust she'd inhaled. She thrust out her hands and fired a spray of light orbs, but the Synders she cut down were quickly replaced by new ones.

"Is there such a thing as an IKEA Battle? Yeesh." Metatron said, kicking a Synder's head off. "Why are endless legions of faceless mooks thrown our way so many times? Haven't the self-proclaimed rulers of darkness realized there's no market profit in that beyond the first few minutes yet? It gets boring and repetitive! Hell, take the orc battle during _The Two Towers_. The army of Smiths in the _Matrix_…oh wow Keanu Reeves can kick ass, hooray…hooray…are you done yet? Why did that fight drag out so much?"

"Met! Keep hitting stuff!" Portal yelled, before kicking another Synder and vanishing again.

"And NARUTO!" Metatron continued, though he picked up the pace as requested, trying to ignore the burning in his muscles. "Stop solving all your problems by making legions of you! And stop it with the Sasuke crap, Danzo is the first Hokage who does the REASONABLE thing and has Sasuke put on the Death-roll--you know, the CRIMINAL that deserted and tried to kill you on numerous occasions?-- and you all WHINE endlessly about it? You are all retards! KILL Sasuke already! And put Naruto on eternal guard duty! Someone with that kind of 5-year old idealistic mentality has no business wanting to rule a freakin' NINJA country. Jeez that manga had gone downhill. Good thing there's still One Piece, or else I wouldn't bother. What do you think?" Metatron said, turning to look at the most recent Synder legions.

A second later a green slash carved through every one of them, and they vanished in emerald flames. Metatron blinked.

"…you're late Sophie!"

Sophie Mathews stepped forward from the dust her slash had thrown up, her full-body costume sliced up in several places and half her full-face mask ripped off. However, that was barely noticeable next to the glowing-green broadsword she carried with her.

The spirit of blades.

"Sorry. The traffic was terrible. And I prefer Full Metal Alchemist myself, Adam." Sophie said. Metatron was about to reply, when a shadow fell over him.

"MET LOOK OUT!" Aurora yelled.

Metatron dodged out of the way as Arkham's massive form crashed down where he had been standing, endless Synders swarming on her.

"A LITTLE HELP HERE!" Arkham yelled.

"You heard the woman Sophie!" Metatron said.

"YOU CAN HELP TOO MET!" Aurora yelled, flying in and blasting Synders off.

"I'm helping…with the power of my heart!" Metatron said. "Oh, and with my actual powers." Metatron said, and dashed over as he fired rapid blasts at the Synders.

"I call to you…" Sophie said, seemingly ignoring Arkham's plight as she held up her sword. The green glow on it intensified. "I am Sepulcher…the chosen bearer of the Magnus Flareium…the Mistress of the Dead…"

"Can we hurry it up a little Livingdead Girl!" Arkham said.

"Trigon has violated the natural order. The barriers have broken down. So many lost and wronged, their peace disturbed…their anger calls out to me. Their need to avenge themselves…"

A white mist spilled out from around Sepulcher, and those of the Watch that could look suddenly saw myriad forms appearing in it. Normally, Sophie Mathews could animate corpses, and had several donated bodies in their base that she used for battle. But with what Trigon's avatar had wrought, she had found that, just once, she could do a lot more.

"Blast, Sophie's mind has been taken over by Cybermen. Or we finally just got the push needed to end this. This is a horrible day. Unless it isn't." Metatron said, and blasted another Synder.

"Ghost-martyrs of the legions of the Terrible…ATTACK!" Sepulcher yelled, pointing with her sword, and her own army of spirits streamed forth, meeting the Synders in pitched, intense battle.

"…you know, I think that means you're the only one who didn't do something awesome Aurora." Metatron said.

"You want something awesome?" Aurora said, and rocketed into the sky, her whole costume glowing gold. Ever since she'd gotten her boost, she'd been waiting for the right time to do this, and that time was now. "Let-there-be-LIGHT!"

Aurora thrust up her hands, and a building sized golden orb appeared above her, raining down a storm of lasers all over the battlefield, slicing holes in the ranks of the Synders that Sophie's ghost-army charged into.

"…Impressive, I admit. But it pales in comparison to Sophie overcoming Cyberman brainwashing and somehow taking control over them to do her bidding. I can only imagine how terribly traumatic the whole ordeal was to her." Metatron said, suddenly next to Sepulcher as he hugged her. "There there, Sophie. You are with friends now. Now the healing can begin!"

"Yes Adam. Where's Sine?"

"Oh, somewhere handling something else, I wager. Else she'd have shown up by now. Kind of surprised you showed up alone."

"Why?"

"Well…half-expected you to bring a friend."

* * *

_Metropolis_.

"Christmas Christmas time is here…" The Toyman sang, as he inserted the small gas grenade into the doll in front of him. "Time for toys and time for cheer…"

Some of the thugs that Winslow Schott Jr. had recruited cast a wary glance at their boss, but the forever-smiling mask the Toyman wore betrayed nothing. True, they may have been going along with this plan to rig children's toy to emit a powerful disfiguring gas…but hey, it wasn't THEIR kids who were going to get hurt. As for those who did, well…all of the thugs hated Superman. And this would hurt him plenty, in a way none of them ever could.

"Want a plane that loops the loop…me, I want a hula hoop…" Toyman said, before giggling and beginning to insert another gas grenade. "We can hardly stand the wait. Please Christmas, don't be…"

The clawed hand came out of the darkness, catching Toyman and hurling him across the warehouse with a scream. The thugs jerked up from their work, their hearts all leaping into their chests. It was him. The alien. They were…

The figure then leapt up onto the table, and their shock was replaced by confusion. It WAS an alien…just not the alien they expected.

"How can it be late?" The female Blacktrinian said as she crouched on the table. "Isn't it still November?"

"What the…who?" One of the thugs said, looking at the alien. She was very large, for a woman anyway, with wide hips and broad cords of muscle in her shoulders and legs. She wore a long sleeve jacket with two rows of buttons, one on either side, that ended just below the bust, a white shirt beneath the jacket and trousers the same color as said jacket, a deep crimson. She lifted her twin-clawed hand and adjusted the crimson sloop hat on her head.

"It figures. So much time around this city and they still don't know me." The Blacktrinian said. "But I know you. You're the ones who've been testing those accursed chemicals on the homeless."

"Broken toys. No one misses them. Not even Superman." Toyman said as he got up, a long scratch across his never-changing mask. "But he will soon have lots to miss. No one will miss you. Boys!"

Toyman's thugs began pulling out what looked to be pop guns. The female Blacktrinian sighed, knowing they were anything but.

"I'd like to hope they miss me." The Blacktrinian said, as she pulled out a long staff. "Oh yes, my name. IT'S SCARLET!"

The guns fired, and indeed, instead of firing light plastic balls, they fired shots of burning energy. Despite this predicted variance in ammo, it didn't help the thugs, as Scarlet leapt over said shots.

"AND I DON'T MISS!" Scarlet yelled, as she swept her staff out in a long arc and knocked half a dozen guns from as many hands. She quickly attacked the ones who still had guns, disarming them…and giving time for the originally disarmed thugs to dog-pile on her.

They all went flying after several seconds, Scarlet seizing one and slamming him into the ground with one hand. She'd dropped her staff during the mass attack, and she quickly kicked it back up into her hand and swung it around, knocking another thug senseless.

"Just because-!" WHACK! "Superman can't be-!" WHAM! "Everywhere at once should you-!" WHACK! "Think that Metropolis is not-!" POW! "Being watched!" WHAM! "Because let me assure-!" WHACK! "You, in Suicide Slum and any other corner that-!" WHACK! "Has a shadow, you may just-!" WHACK! "Find me!"

Scarlet spun around, looking at her handiwork around her, every last thug laid out and not getting back up.

"Any of that you didn't catch?"

"You bully! You interrupted my play time!" Toyman yelled, and Scarlet turned around to find a yo-yo being thrown at her.

Specifically, a yo-yo with blades attached, spinning at around 1000 RPM.

"AAARRRRGGGHHH!" Scarlet yelled, as the deadly weapon hit her chest and began to saw into it.

"I'll show you dis…ci…HUH?" Toyman whined in fear, as Scarlet seized the yo-yo head and yanked it out. Toyman pulled the weapon away, only to find it had started to melt. More hissing blood dripped on the ground from Scarlet's wound.

"…Now. That. Was. Uncalled. For." Scarlet said. Toyman began backing up, fumbling for another weapon.

Scarlet didn't give him a chance, as she hurled her staff through the air. It spun across the distance between the two like a windmill, one end impacting against Toyman's mask and throwing him off his feet. He hit the ground hard, his mask cracked and his body not moving.

"…argh. Blouse, ruined. Bra also ruined. Damnation." Scarlet said, touching at her chest, the wound already having stopped bleeding. "How does the Kryptonian not go through a fortune in suits?"

The alien paused, her ears cocking up, half-expecting a rich baritone voice to speak up and answer her question. Superman had done it before, appearing out of nowhere when she least expected it. He could be as good at it as Batman, albeit due to his superhuman speed and hearing.

This time, however, there was nothing. Scarlet sighed again. Being tasked to try and keep an eye on Metropolis' shadows could be a hassle at times, but Superman had taken her in after she'd crash-landed (a troublesome landing too, she'd had a last second error in her escape pod and ended up hundreds of miles away from her original planned landing site, but better Metropolis than in the ocean and all its bloody water), and it was better than the war her empire had been forever raging. She got to put her nursing skills to the test here as well. She'd even started to find human males attractive, though she had a feeling it would be a long time before one reciprocated.

That was a problem for another time though…

Scarlet felt an odd twinge, out of the blue. Like she was missing something. But even as Scarlet took notice of it, it passed.

Strange. Well, she could ponder it later. For now, she had better contact the police. Maybe even the big cheese himself, since Toyman was an enemy of his. Of course, this meant she had to stand around.

Oh well, it was a living. Natalya 'Scarlet' Hastings preceded to activate her signal watch and then hunted for her phone. What was the special number for Metropolis SCU again…?

* * *

It was amazing the other Watch members couldn't hear Jean's screaming, it was so loud. The amount of noise was the lesser of her opponent's concerns though, as they charged in towards her.

Alter Black fired an arcing blast at Nightwalker, only for Nightwalker to hold up her katana. The energy struck it instead of her, and Nightwalker slashed the blade, deflecting the energy away. Alter Red glanced at Nightwalker, who didn't say anything in regards to this ability. Alter Red chalked it up to Nightwalker's blade being made a 'sister in steel' to Sophie's own super-magic weapon, and closed in to Alter Black before she could fire again.

Alter Black caught Nightwalker's sword when she swung it, but that occupied her left hand. Gene promptly grabbed her right arm, and the three struggled for a bit, Gene trying to attack her joints. He failed, and Alter Black shoved the pair away and leveled Alter Red with a punch. Nightwalker stepped in immediately, kicking Jean in the side: it did no damage, but it distracted the robot, and as she turned towards Nightwalker Gene leapt on her back and tried to rip her arm off via the shoulder.

"YOU'RE DEAD! YOU'RE ALL DEAD!" Alter Black screamed, throwing Gene off and then firing multiple blasts at Nightwalker. She did repeated back-handsprings to avoid them, and once again Alter Red used Jean's distraction to his advantage, running in, grabbing Alter Black's arm, spinning her around, and hammering a punch into her sternum.

"GUH!" Jean gasped, staggering back. Alter Red also looked surprised (well, what was left of his face made a game effort to): while he WAS supposed to be able to damage her, as he was tougher than his later-developed enemy, she had seemingly been modified to a state that disallowed that. Now the damage was back…and better: he'd never left a made a dent in her hide like he had before.

Alter Black looked down for a moment, and her cold blue eyes blazed as she realized she was damaged.

"HOW DID…YOU BLEEP!" Jean screamed as she charged forward, grappling Gene before she head-butted him, having completely forgotten her newly-acquired powers in her rage.

Gene staggered back…as Nightwalker leapt over Alter Black with a flip and slammed her foot backwards, kicking Jean in the chest. Alter Red followed it up by amazing himself with his own (enhanced) agility, as he leapt up and delivered a leaping elbows to Alter Black's chest, smashing another dent.

"NO! MY POWER! YOU CAN'T HURT ME ANY MORE!" Alter Black screamed.

"I think you should have read the contact better." Gene said, and charged in, Nightwalker at his side as they threw more punches and kicks. Alter Black finally recalled that she _did_ have new abilities and fired off more of the demonic energies she had been imbued with, but her aim was sloppy and the two Watch members stepped aside to dodge it. She staggered forward with said sloppy attack, losing her balance, and Nightwalker and Alter Red closed in and seized both her arms, each grappling to try and dismember the vainglorious robot.

"ARRGGGHHHHHH!" Jean screamed, and the energies erupted off her, tearing through Nightwalker and Alter Red.

Their response was to take it, before each lashed up a leg and kicked Jean in the chest, Alter Red smashing another dent in her before the pair grabbed Alter Black and hurled her through another outcropping of rock.

"Would you terribly mind quitting the recreation and getting with the head smashing?" The Man In The Suit suddenly piped up. "She's only distracted for now, kiddo. She starts thinkin', you're gonna start hurtin', and neither of us want that. Or she'll really be taking a dirt nap..." The Man In The Suit said, laying his hand on Sine's shoulder. The fact she didn't react at all was a pretty clear indication of his nature when it came to the robot.

"I know this." Gene said.

"You're also not using that damaged little brain of yours."

"Shut up!"

"THINK kid. Why can you hurt her now? She's not any weaker…pissed off, MAYBE…but she's not weaker. You're stronger. How can you be stronger?"

"The power of friendship and/or love?"

"I don't think I need to tell you how retarded that is."

"Fine. Someone else on the outside is empowering me. Why?"

"Hell if I know. Use it. Also, Sine is looking at you like you're crazy again."

"Heh, as always." Gene said, looking at Sine. "Let's end this. Cover me."

"Right." Nightwalker said, as Alter Black finally ripped her way free of the rock. Nightwalker charged ahead.

"YOU ARE _**DEADDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!"**_ Jean screamed, a dome of incandescent power appearing over here before a barrage of red blasts flew at Nightwalker. Nightwalker did not slow her step, even as Gene ran rapidly through his options.

The blasts closed in on Nightwalker, who twirled out her sword and deflected them away from her, the symbols on it glowing. Behind her, Alter Red knelt down, summoned all his granted and gifted power…

And jumped. Considering his great weight, Gene rarely did, or COULD do, aerial attacks. Which was exactly what Gene was counting on in regards to what Alter Black expected of him.

"AIIYEAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" Alter Black screamed in pure rage, and punched at Nightwalker as she drew to melee range.

Nightwalker dodged aside, and with one quick slash of her sword, gave Jean another scar on her face to match the previous one.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Jean screamed, her hand flying to her face.

Then she saw Gene coming. Specifically, coming straight down towards her. Foot first.

_**RIDER KICCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

The blow impacted Alter Black right at the neck, and with a sizzling metallic shriek her head flew off her shoulders. Gene crashed to the ground, rock spraying everywhere as he carved another scar on the landscape.

Jean's body fell down behind them, and as Gene stood up, Sine slid her sword back into her sheath.

"…such a waste of a pretty head." The Man In The Suit said.

"I'm going to smack you as soon as I'm able."

* * *

_Uberton._

"Born on a Monday!" Solomon Grundy yelled as he tossed the car across the road. The carefully concealed police officers watched it crash back down on the road, hoping that the owner was insured and that whatever Uberton heroes that were on the way would get here soon.

"Hold it you!"

Solomon Grundy stopped, looking up as the green and gold-suited woman dropped down, holographic wings fluttering behind her.

"Enough of this pointless destruction! Now you face…Gauntlet and Paragon!" Paragon said.

There was a pause. Grundy stared at the female hero.

"…GAUNTLET AND PARAG-!" Paragon started again before Gauntlet dropped down beside her.

"Sorry. Freshly tarred roof." Gauntlet said, lifting a foot and scraping the last of the black adhesive off. "Also had a weird sense I was wanted somewhere else, but I think that might have just been the tandoori I ate last night. Who's troubling our fair city this day?"

"Solomon Grundy! Born on a Monday!" Grundy yelled, hammering his fists on his chest like a gorilla.

"Okay Rob, let's make this one for the scrapbook!"

"BORN ON A MONDAY!" Grundy bellowed.

"…actually Grundy, I tracked down your medical records. It's not true." Gauntlet said.

"…Monday?" Grundy said.

"Nope. You were born on a Wednesday."

"…not true? Then…all this time…Solomon Grundy has been living a lie?!" Grundy said.

"Seems like it."

"Grundy…Grundy not sure where to go with this…Grundy need to go, think about Grundy's life and what's Grundy's doing with it…"

Paragon stared as Grundy shuffled off. Witnesses later mentioned him mumbling something about 'community college'.

"…you did it again you silly head." Paragon said. "Did you really look him up?"

"Psht. No." Gauntlet said.

"Well there goes another chance to prove ourselves in the glorious heat of battle." Paragon said. "I could swear you almost hate getting sweaty."

"Consider it revenge for not letting me come up with a cooler team name than 'Gauntlet and Paragon'." Gauntlet said.

"Rob, you know why I shot your ideas down. People respect Gauntlet and Paragon. It's not like Batman and Robin have a team name. Besides, nobody would take 'The B-Team' seriously. Or the Justice 8."

"I was thinking we could register that name and expand later…" Gauntlet said. Paragon shook her head.

"Ah well, we saved the day in record time without throwing a punch. I'd say that's win-win." Paragon said

"I think of it more as win/lose, but if you're happy, I'm happy." Gauntlet said.

* * *

Yin didn't know how much blood he had left in hi

* * *

"Um, ex…excuse me? I don't mean to complain. I…I think I've been pretty good natured." Amy said.

_**Huh?**_

"I mean, Bobcat drops his story before he can introduce me, Jedi-And's story also gets dropped due to real life before he can write his chapter with me, Bobcat keeps tinkering with my character (and I sometimes worry about that. I think he should just stick with the original idea), but I've appreciated you giving me cameos." Amy said.

_**Um I kind of have a Christmas story to finish here…**_

"DON'T interrupt me!" Amy said. "Now, you're on record as saying that Rob doesn't have a high enough angst quotient to have a good relationship. For writing purposes. That makes me a tad upset. AND…and you're the author, so I can live with that. But this is an alternate universe story…and it's one of the few alternate universes where I wind up with a relationship with Rob, WHO I LOVE."

…_**.your poin**_

"WHY THE BLEEP DIDN'T YOU MENTION IT? WHY NOT A MOMENT OF TENDERNESS, OR HIM CALLING ME HONEY! A HAND SQUEEZE? A MAKEOUT SCENE? A SWEET TOUCH, LIKE YOU GAVE MOTHERBLEEPING SAVIOR? THROW ME A MOTHERBLEEPING BONE HERE! If I don't get a scene right now, RIGHT NOW, I will SMASH that fourth wall and I will COME FOR YOU, BUDDY!"

…………………….

**Bobcat**: Nice work Amy. You made the author run away in terror.

"I can be scary when I want to be. It just doesn't come up here very often." Amy said. "…WHILE WE'RE ON THAT SUBJECT, LAZY-CAT."

**Bobcat**: Oh look at the time, my cat's done in the wash!

The forth wall disintegrated in a hail of causality and physics as Amy flew through it at top speed. What happened next cannot be adequately related, as for a few moments the line between real and fictional was blurred, almost irreparably.

* * *

And so Amy, who is most definitely cuter than anybody Bobcat or Legend Maker contemplated setting Rob up with, made her way back home after almost triggering another comic book crossover of crisis proportions. As she flew in through the open window, Rob looked up from his game of _Super Paper Mario _and immediately shut down the game system to sweep her off her feet.

"…well hi." Amy said. She was still surprised by how much Rob tended to miss her when she was gone. 'You know darned well that my legs work fine."

"Yes, but you fit so perfectly…it's hard to resist sweeping you off your feet. You're the best, period."

"Better than Starfire?"

"WAY better than Starfire."

Amy snuggled closer. "If only this wasn't a C-ploy in a questionably canon holiday fic."

"What was that, honey?"

"Nothing. Let's just enjoy it while it la-"

_**THAT IS DONE AND OVER. I HAVE A CLIMAX TO WRITE.

* * *

**_

Yin didn't know how much blood he had left in him, but every last bit of it was boiling, as his fists lanced down and crashed onto Psimon's mental shield in an axe-handle. Psimon retaliated with another telekinetic blast that blew Yin into the floor, but Yin bounced right back up, ignoring the pain he was in.

"All for…" Psimon said, shuddering as a lighting-fast fist of Yin's ricocheted off his telekinetic shield. "Naught, fool! All you have, and it still isn't enough!"

Yin's response was to leap up and throw his arms behind him before blurring them forward, another sonic boom exploding through the air as both fists smashed into Psimon's shield. It held, but Psimon's brain crackled with excess energy Yin hadn't been seeing before.

"ENOUGH OF THIS!" Psimon yelled, blurring over towards Yin before another psychic blast smashed him into the floor. Psimon followed him down, hammering Yin with more mental blows as the rubber hero got up and swept out a leg at Psimon. Psimon blurred into the air to avoid it, flashing around as Yin fired off several more mach-speed punches.

"So much determination, so much hate, so much pathetic defiance." Psimon said. "So certain you can win."

Yin threw another punch, Psimon blurring away.

In front of Yin.

"You are wrong."

Psimon thrust out a hand, and Yin felt like someone had set off a grenade in every cell in his body. Raven's eyes widened before she felt the residual pulse of the telekinetic impact Psimon had unleashed on Yin, her head slamming back before blood gushed from her nose. The wall behind Yin exploded, and then the wall after that one.

Yin stood there, somehow, held in place by Psimon so his blow could achieve maximum impact. He grinned wickedly at Yin's blood-filled eyes, and let go.

Raven crashed to the ground, unable to hold herself up any more, as Psimon turned and walked away. Yin said nothing, his body just barely staggering as fresh streams of blood flowed from his mouth.

"This world is ours now." Psimon said, as Yin began to fall over. "You will all learn the folly…"

A hand tapped on Psimon's shoulder.

Psimon blinked, and turned around to see Yin.

Still standing. Somehow still standing. His eyes clear. Raven felt his whole body tense up.

"Just…shut up." Yin said.

Psimon saw the attack coming, and thrust out a hand as Yin reared back.

Psimon did _not _see the punch, again. However, this time he didn't see the other punch just behind it, or the several dozen that came just behind IT in the split second they took to land before several more dozen arrived, as Yin threw open the throttle to every bit of himself and Raven he had and unleashed it all in an overwhelming storm.

"No." Psimon said, his body being pushed back as his brain crackled with power. His shield held however, and he added more power to it, holding out both hands. "This is nothing!"

Raven couldn't even see Yin's arms: all she saw was a massive blurry field of white and black, and Yin's body tearing itself apart as he wailed on Psimon with insane speed.

"This is _nothing!"_ Psimon snarled, as he tried to increase the power of his shield even more and found he could not. He'd peaked.

Yin had not, as Psimon felt his protection begin to crack, all his mental and granted powers tied up in maintaining it, unable to do anything else.

"THIS IS NOTHING!" Psimon screamed. "THIS IS NOTHING! THIS IS…_**NO!"**_

The shield exploded, and Psimon was obliterated beneath a unrelenting onslaught of bloody fists. He smashed into the wall for the second it took Yin to hammer him right through it.

Yin's arms finally blurred back into normal view, the Watch member falling forward onto his face as the wall in front of him exploded, Psimon smashed through every single wall behind it before his body flew out of the silo outright.

Raven felt the shriek of rage thunder in her head.

Then all went black.

* * *

"I swear if I have to hit one more of these things…" Aurora coughed as she aimed at a Synder, before the blackness washed over here.

When it was gone, Aurora blinked. There were no more Synders.

The world was back to normal.

"…well. Someone listened to me…thanks, I guess." Aurora said, lowering her arms as she floated down to the ground, looking around herself. The city had returned to its natural state, as had the missile silo the Watch worked out of and that Psimon had lead his attack on and seized for himself.

No more.

"…Trigon's link to the world has been severed. The day is won." Sepulcher said.

"…so what, we hit enough of these things to beat him?" Portal said.

"No…but our efforts ensured other efforts elsewhere succeeded."

"So basically we ran on a treadmill until we generated enough power for someone else to flip a switch. Figures." Portal said. "Next time, can we run on a treadmill in a Miami condo or a casino somewhere?"

"For once, I agree with what Jason said." Arkham said, as she shrank down to her normal size and relaxed her shoulders.

Metatron crouched down where he was, examining what he had found. Which happened to be Psimon's unconscious, ruined body.

"…Have you guys noticed that's there's NO being in the universe with their brain exposed that's NOT a villain? We could have saved ourselves a lot of time if we had gone with my proposition to preemptively beat up people like that. You know, the one I gave last year?" Metatron said, as he began poking Psimon's limp form. "You all thought I was being extreme and crazy and needlessly cruel. And I was! Still, totally right as you can see. So, I'll just deliver those 'told you so's' now and then we can go back to our knitting circle."

"Don't poke Dr. Jones." Sepulcher said.

"Why, can he transfer his mind into mine by touch?" Metatron said.

"No, it's just…tacky."

_**------------**_

"…This isn't…this isn't fair! THIS ISN'T FAIR!" Jean screamed. More specifically, her head screamed, as it lay limp on the ground. Normally, being decapitated would have killed even her, but the deal she'd made with Psimon to serve as Trigon's greatest warrior had apparently made her more alive with power than even she realized. She couldn't access said power any more, but she was still alive.

"Yeah…funny how that works out." Nightwalker said, as her shadow fell over Jean. Alter Black looked up at the vigilante woman as best she could, and an incomprehensible stream of venom poured out of her. Nightwalker couldn't even make out any details in the mindless, overwhelming rage.

So instead she just kicked Jean's head off the Silo of Justice's island and into the ocean below. Her agonized, furious screams were swallowed by the waters.

"Alas." Nightwalker said, and turned back towards Gene, who, without Raven's extra power to hold him up, had collapsed on the ground.

"Every part of me burns for reasons I do not want to speculate on." Gene said.

"Don't expect me to play nursemaid." Sine said, dropping down on her knees beside Gene. "I had to dig my way out of my own makeshift grave."

"I WAS coming to save you…you know, once I was getting the crap beat out of me. And figured out where you could possibly be…and am really happy you're alright. Sorry about the face." Gene said, indicating his shredded features.

"I didn't much notice." Sine said, taking Gene's chin.

Despite lacking much in the way of lips, Gene thought he managed the kiss quite well.

_**------------**_

"…okay…okay. I think…that should do it." Yin whispered to himself. He lay on his back, having expended the last bit of psychical effort he had to actually turn himself over to do so.

Raven watched from where she lay, barely able to believe it. Her team, her friends had done it. They'd turned back her father.

When she'd given up, Yin had refused to.

"Raven…" Yin said. Raven stared, not knowing what to say.

"Ravvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeennnnnnn!" Yin called. His voice echoed across the island, causing his other teammates to look up at it's sound. "Never stop fighting! Never, until the fight is done! Here endeth the lesson!"

Raven's eyes grew misty, a truly rare occasion. But these people were maybe even rarer, and her gratitude was overwhelming.

"Davis…" Raven whispered.

"Ah…heh heh heh heh heh heh." Yin giggled, with a grin as wide as his face.

* * *

"…_well that was…nice, I guess. Good to see someone strong is by her side…but yes, I've had about enough of this world. Let's move on."_

"_**As you wish."**_


	6. Part 5: Mixed Nuts

No Terra: Mixed Nuts

"_**Tara Markov. You greatly helped her. Kept her from more than one terrible fate."**_

"_Now this should be interesting…"

* * *

_

_Jump City…?_

"Ha, the alarm!" Gauntlet said, leaping out of his doorway…while looking very odd. He seemed somehow…larger, all around. In fact, he was now fifteen years older than he normally was.

"Do come back soon, Robert. I do enjoy our…training sessions." Wonder Woman said in the doorway to Rob's room, a sheet wrapped around her.

"Thank you dramatic aging retcon!" Gauntlet said, and ran off.

* * *

"I hate you dramatic aging retcon." Supertot said, as he ate mashed carrots out of a bowl.

"Oh look on the bright side Clark. Not many people get to have a second stab at childhood." Aquagirl said.

"Perhaps so, but being de-aged to this form has immensely complicated my life. Even if this…city lets me continue my work." Supertot said. "Then again, I'm not the only one who drastically changed themselves, Mr. Sex Reassignment Surgery."

"Well, I figured since I already had the hair for it…" Aquagirl said, flipping back her long black locks.

"We must not keep discussing this!" A voice said from above, before a humanoid slime figure blurped down from the ceiling. "We must seek the source of this alarm!"

"I'd rather finish lunch." Supertot said.

"Do not be so indulgent! There will be time for food later!"

"I SAID…"

"No Mortimer, stop!" Gauntlet said as he ran in. "You know what happens when you disagree with…!"

A strange whirring noise sounded throughout the room, and moments later a blue phone box appeared.

"Ah 'ello 'ello!" The 10th Doctor said, stepping out. "I'm here to join your team!…I really don't know why, but it seemed important."

"…One of us." Gauntlet said. "Okay Doctor, go over there with everyone else! Before we go, roll call! Supertot!"

"Yeah."

"Aquatrans…oh right the surgery's all done, Aquagirl!"

"Hmph."

"Mortimer!"

"Let us go!"

"Danny Chase!"

"I'm awesome!"

"Animal-Vegetable-Mineral Man!"

"Can I even talk?"

_Later._

"Toph Bei Fong!"

"Let's rock!" Toph said, wiggling her toes.

_Still later._

"Dr. House!"

"Not interested." The doctor said, reading a file.

"Sorry it's in your contract!"

"Curses, foiled again."

_Even later._

"Elliot Stabler, Olivia Benson, John Munch, Fin Tutuola, Donald Cragen, George Huang, and Melinda Warner of the Special Victims Unit!"

"Why do we all get lumped in together?" Elliot asked, checking his gun.

"Also contracts!"

_Yep, it's this kind of joke again._

"Light Yagami!"

"Can't I just…?"

"NO DEATH NOTE! You CAN, however, take a potato chip…AND EAT IT!"

"Hooray!"

_Hey, it's later again._

"Spirit Song!"

"My life is awesome!" Spirit Song said, as she hugged Flay.

"I am yet undecided exactly what this means for the state of my own life." Flay said, before Spirit Song huggled him tighter.

_How many laters must a writer jot down, before the reader can say they're annoyed?_

"Chester A. Bum!"

"OH MY GOD THIS IS THE GREATEST FAUX-SUGAH HIGH WRITING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!"

_Later. Surprised?_

"Kamen Rider Amazon!"

"AMAAAAAZOOONNNNNNNNNNNNN!" The Rider crowed, and then turned and bit Piccolo's arm off.

"OW! I HAVE NO LUCK WITH THOSE LIMBS!"

_Am I on the Sideshow Bob rake edge yet?_

"Senile Shawn Michaels!"

"Oh god this might be the most obscure, ridiculous reference ever made in any of these stories!"

"Hooray?" Chester said.

"And The Doctor! And considering we just spent nearly two hours reading off our 300+ membership list, we need his time machine! Damn it Mortimer, we have to have less arguments!" Gauntlet said. "Titans, GO!"

* * *

"Ha ha ha ha!" The kitten laughed, a little green cape tied around it's neck and a tiny mask on its face. "Soon the Titans will be here! And they will face the terrible fury of…The Evil Kitten Titans!"

"Mew!" Kitten Starfire, Beast Boy, Cyborg, Raven, Terra, Savior, Gauntlet, Scalpel, and Morgue mewed.

"With our new ally, Doctor Insano!" Evil Kitten Robin said.

"SCIENCEEEEEEEEEEE…!" Doctor Insano cackled. "Now, let us dance!"

"DUM DADI DOO, DUM DUM DI DO DI DA, DUM DADI DOO, DUM DUM DI DO DI DA…" A nearby radio played, as Dr. Insano and the Evil Kitten Titans danced…

* * *

"_Argh, gah, enough, ENOUGH! STOP!"_

"_**You are displeased with this world?"**_

"_What the HELL is going on? This world doesn't make any sense at all! It's like I'm looking into Gar's dreamscape after he ate some old pizza that may or may not be on the verge of spawning brand new microscopic life forms! This CAN'T be an alternate world, no matter WHO you take out!"_

"_**Despite your belief, it is, Noel Collins."**_

"_How? How can this be another world of ours? It makes no sense at ALL!"_

"_**The universe, Noel Collins, has a set balance of humor and drama. Tara Markov introduces a certain amount of drama. Without her to 'bring things down', the humor/drama balance is thrown into chaos, and in this particular case, it causes a massive overbalance."**_

"…_really?"_

"_**Really."**_

"……………_REALLY?"_

"_**Haven't you ever noticed that lives that beget drama keep getting more and more dramatic, while lives that are light and whimsical keep getting lighter and more whimsical, unless something of an opposing nature is introduced?"**_

"_So you're saying that all you have to do to get THIS is for Terra to never be born."_

"_**Yes."**_

"…_no."_

"_**Pardon?"**_

"_NO. I refuse to see more or even BELIEVE in this world. It cannot be. The absence of Terra cannot explain that much. I call bull bleep and wash my hands. Next world."_

"_**You did ask me to show you all these worlds, and…"**_

"_NEXT. WORLD."_

"…_**as you wish, Noel Collins."**_


	7. Part 6: Black Christmas

No Raven: Black Christmas

"_**Raven. The love of your life."**_

"…_let's get this over with."

* * *

_

_Jump City, Florida._

Marissa Mori really wished that she'd taken her father somewhere for Christmas.

It probably would have been better. Jump City _had _seen better days, FAR better days. But finances were hardly glowing all around, and besides, part of what made Mitch Mori proud (besides her) was that he'd toughed out all the trials that the city had been faced with, ever since that fateful day, and he'd stuck around.

Hadn't prevented him from sending her to MIT, though. Sometimes Marissa wondered if the distance had anything to do with it.

"I tried to call a cab, dad. They wouldn't come out here." Marissa said, walking down the street, her cell phone pressed to her ear. Despite her divided attention, any observer would have noticed that Marissa expertly stepped around any icy or dirty patches that had managed to get a grip on the downtown street.

The lone observer, however, didn't notice these sorts of things.

"Look, it's not my fault my bus broke down…yes I know…no, I didn't…no. Who knows when he would show up?" Marissa said, stopping to brush some dirt off her long skirt. "I'm just going to walk a few more blocks to another bus line. I'll be fine."

Marissa cocked her head, trying to hear her father talk over the wind that was whipping up. If it continued, her peacoat wasn't going to prove to be warm enough.

"He tried to take me to Atlantis. It took me an hour and a half to convince him that leaving the breathing-underwater part up to luck was NOT a good idea." Marissa said. "When I finally did, he was all pouty and disappointed. I don't think he'll ever get used to having someone keeping him grounded. But by the time I'd talked him out of it, we had somehow walked into downtown New York. I don't even remember how, though I think I vaguely recall boarding a bullet train while explaining basic physics to him. If I didn't know him better than that, I'd be certain it was planned-"

The sound of a can being kicked caught Marissa's attention, and she looked around.

Nothing leapt out at her, and she quickly glanced up to be on the safe side. Finding nothing there either, she turned her attention back to her phone.

"Then again, with Adam you can't tell what he has planned and what he's just reacting to…I'm near the 201, that's one that would take me home ri-"

Marissa stopped, looking carefully into the alleyway she was passing.

Which allowed the thug to plow into her from behind and push her into the alleyway. Her cell phone clattered to the ground as the thug followed his prey into the shadows.

The first thing that popped into Marissa's head, strangely enough, was to admonish her attacker for not watching where he was going. The second was that maybe her dad had been right.

She really didn't get to have any others, as the thug grabbed her up and smashed her against the alleyway wall, back first, the impact slamming through Marissa as her purse fell to the ground.

"Lovely." The thug said, popping a switchblade.

Said lovely thing should have been the last clear sight he had, as Marissa jerked up her arm and violently twisted her wrist. The attachment on her arm activated, and Marissa sprayed a cloud of mace right into her attacker's eyes.

Unfortunately, the swiftness of his attack had kept Marissa from seeing he was wearing goggles.

"Sorry babe. Not new." The thug said, seizing Marissa by the throat by his free arm and shoving her backwards again, the back of her head slamming against the bricks behind her. Stars exploded in her vision, even as her lungs began to cry for air.

However, Marissa was not 'new' either. The thug found this out the hard way as she lashed out with her boot and kicked him in the side of the knee as hard as she could.

"OW!" The thug yelled, loosening his grip as he stumbled to the side. As a result, he was caught completely off guard when Marissa shoved him backwards. Scrambling away, Marissa tried to catch her breath.

"YOU BLEEP!" The thug yelled, recovering quicker than Marissa expected as he grabbed for her again. This time, however, she knew he was coming.

The thug found his grip being turned against him, as Marissa shifted her weight in it and shoved him again. The thug tripped, falling to the ground with a 'whup!' Marissa made a half-hearted kick at his knife hand before turning to run.

The thug seized her ankle, and Marissa lost her own balance and fell. The thug immediately jumped on her, pinning her to the ground.

"Bleeping…" Was all he got out. He hadn't managed to pin Marissa's arms.

Which allowed her to yank off his goggles. And mace him again.

The thug screamed, rearing back and releasing his grip. Marissa pulled herself free and shoved with her foot, pushing her attacker away. She managed to crawl a few feet to grab her purse and get herself out of her attacker's range, the thug snarling and screaming curses behind her. Standing up and starting to run, Marissa mused in the back of her mind that her dad _had _been more right than she'd realized. Well, she was getting out while the…

The form dropped down into the alleyway, cutting off her escape. Marissa drew up short at the sight.

Then she sprayed mace into the newcomer's face as well. Unfortunately, he didn't react at all.

"BLEEPING BLEEP! I'LL RIP YOUR BLEEPING…!" The thug screamed, tears running from his burning eyes as his sight began to return.

He turned right into the hand seizing him, yanking him in close to a black-masked face. The thug could barely make out details at the close range with his distorted vision, only seeing a wall of black with two blank white marks where the eyes were.

"No matter what I do, your kind just refuse to leave." The figure said. "Always crawling out of the woodwork. You'd think you'd learn."

Marissa stared in shock, as the black costumed figure held the thug out, white energy lines springing out of his arm. She knew who this was, knew he was real…but actually seeing him in action was something else.

Backlash. Jump City's guardian.

"So all I can do is make sure you don't come back. Ever."

Noel smashed the thug into the wall, preceding to drag the hapless criminal through several feet of weakened brick before he let go, the would-be ambusher buried under who-knew how many pounds of stone.

"Now you won't." Noel said.

Marissa, still where she had been when Noel had ignored her mace to push past her and 'deal' with her attacker, stared in the mild puzzled alarm that briefly ruled people's heads when something truly unexpected happened. Noel looked back at Marissa, all black cape and body armor, a costume and mask cut from the same cloth as his mentor. Marissa vaguely noticed the mask/headpiece was open at the top, and the upper black part of said costume was actually black pointy hair (heavily dyed daily).

"…so…you're just partly an idiot then?" Noel said.

"…huh?" Marissa said.

"Smart enough to have mace up your sleeve. Have enough of a grip on yourself to use it properly." Noel said, stalking towards Marissa. "Yet you walk through this part of town, at this time of night, talking on a cell phone?"

Marissa realized that Noel was offering her said cell phone.

"…okay, stop it." Marissa said, taking the cell phone: her composure had finally returned. "I get the whole creature of the night performance, but I'd have gotten away anyway. Unlike you, he didn't ignore my mace when it counted. So you can stop trying to turn me into a quivering puddle of goo via your eyes."

"…call the police, woman." Noel said. "And don't do this again. The world doesn't have many smart people left, and we really can't afford to have them lost to flashes of stupidity."

"Right. Don't trip over your capes. You have enough of them."

"…just call the police, woman. I have bigger fish to fry tonight." Noel said, firing a Shimmer line up to the alleyway roof. Within a few seconds he had vanished from sight.

Marissa glanced at her phone and sighed. Her father was going to hit the roof. Honestly, Marissa wondered if she could just not tell him at all and not just blame it on a technical error of her phone. If he knew, he might run right down to the city and try and beat the bleep out of the thug himself. Considering there wasn't much left of the thug after Backlash got ahold of him, that was really saying something.

* * *

_December 21__st__. The Winter Solstice. The darkest evening of the year._

_The state of Denmark has nothing compared to what is rotten in my city. Oh, maybe I say that too often, but there's always been an unfortunate grain of truth in it. No matter what I do, the damn'd spot just won't come out._

_It doesn't change anything. Maybe I can't eradicate crime and human evil (or any other evil), but I can still keep fighting. Maybe eventually I'll make a difference. The pendulum is due to swing back._

_I spare myself such optimism because I doubt I'll find much of it during this night._

_There's a whisper, a rumor. I don't even know if it's true. For all I know, I'm running around chasing phantoms while someone commits their crimes elsewhere._

_If that is the case…well, I'll just have to forgive myself later. I'd be less prone to forgive myself if I didn't confirm what I have heard might be making its way through my city._

_I don't know why they'd try to move it through Jump. Trying to understand why villains think the way they do is something I gave up on a long time ago. It doesn't matter. They shouldn't be trying the bleep I've heard whispers of, as much as there shouldn't be any human vermin running around and attacking girls, no matter what part of the city you're in. I would think my efforts would have done something about that._

_If not, I'll keep working at it. One drop of water may do nothing to a boulder, but a million will crack it in half._

_The usual suspects have dealt out no useful information tonight though. Either the people running this are better at being quiet than the norm, or good at strangling any offshoot of the underworld grapevine that comes near them. Neither bodes well. At least I happened along that attack in the process. I'll take the fact she could have escaped without me in stride: her attacker won't be victimizing anyone else with what I did._

_When I'm done, if what I have heard is true…whoever's running this won't be doing it in my city any more either.

* * *

_

"…liver weight appears normal. Have collected appropriate samples for testing." Sophie Mathews said into her tape recorder, before placing it down and putting on a fresh glove. She bent back over her current assignment, containing the unpleasant business of examining the deceased's innards. Well, unpleasant for some. For Sophie, it was her living.

"Current cause of death is a single puncture mark in the greater valve of the heart…" Sophie murmured, refreshing her mental notes for later dictation. "If this man hadn't been stabbed, he would have died in a month anyway: he has a large tumor in his left lung…"

Sophie paused for a moment, glancing up. Finding nothing, she returned to the corpse.

"He seems to be missing some mass in some of his organs, likely due to drug…use…" Sophie said, reaching out and hunting for her bone-saw, her hand locating and lifting it after a few seconds. "Atrophy is almost a certainty with some medication if it is used incorrectly-"

Sophie spun on her heels, lashing out with her makeshift weapon.

The hand seized her wrist, and the bone-saw clattered to the ground.

"Not bad, mortician. Not good enough, but you're getting there." Backlash said, releasing Sophie's wrist.

"Grah." Sophie murmured, turning off the microphone with a sigh. "What can I do for you tonight, or do you just want to startle me?"

"Something's brewing, but the usual scum don't have a clue."

"Then how do you know something _is _happening?"

"Just a feeling. Trust me on that." Backlash said, peering down at the corpse Sophie was working on. "Another one down. A few thousand to go."

"Don't forget, they're always some mother's son, some father's daughter." Sophie said.

"A nice assessment. Unfortunately, not worth much." Backlash said. "I need you to call in your bats. See if they've spotted anything."

"What, ALL of them?"

"It would be best."

"That's not like flicking a switch, Backlash. It takes time and effort."

"You will be compensated." Backlash said, as he placed a paper bag on a nearby table. Sophie looked with some distaste at it.

"Did you leave any of them alive?"

"Not all of them deserve…the most severe punishments."

"Do any of them?"

"Yes." Backlash said, fixing Sophie with eyes of ice. Despite herself, she trembled. She was probably the closest thing Backlash had to a friend, and considering how he treated her, it really didn't speak well for his enemies.

"…your teacher would be disappointed."

"My teacher can't do much of anything these days. They saw to that." Backlash said. "The bats, if you would please."

Sophie sighed and sat down. The process took nearly forty minutes, and Sophie felt like she'd run a marathon by the time it was over. Backlash stood there the whole time, occasionally drawing on the wall with a finger when she told him something.

"…so that's it?" Backlash said.

"Pretty much."

"…damn. Still nothing jumping out at me."

"I called in all the bats…!"

"This isn't you. This is just…careful planning." Backlash said. "…Chalice."

"Dr. Acqua?" Sophie said.

"I'd wager money. He's good at keeping it off the grid. And he's so arrogant about his intelligence that he'd probably try and pull something like this just for the sake of it getting under my skin." Backlash said. "However…he's not perfect."

"So what are you going to do?"

"Go see someone who knows well the weaknesses of the flesh." Backlash said. "Good day, Miss Mathews. Oh yes, how is your father doing?"

"How does anyone deal with the ennui of life?"

"I pass it out to others." Backlash said. Sophie turned around to raise a counter-point, only to find herself alone.

A moment later, a roofing tile crashed down to the ground. Sophie jumped a bit, and then looked up at the ceiling.

"I TOLD you to stop leaving through the air ducts!"

"Sorry." Came the muffled reply.

* * *

_Part of me still doesn't understand why Dr. Chalice would dirty his hands the way something like this does. He could make far more money doing considerably less vile things._

_Of course, I suspect this isn't about the money. I suspect it's about rankling me, as said. Once upon a time, I showed him mercy. He's hated me for it ever since, and it shows. Unfortunately, it doesn't get in the way of his intellect enough, like some people I've brought down._

_It's not a mistake I plan to ever make again. This is a war. There's no place for mercy._

_Some people would say that my mindset is wrong. It's not. I'm not facing other people who have been told roughly the same thing I have about why they're fighting, after being forcibly broken down and rebuilt mentally and fed propaganda to dehumanize the people I'm killing, to make it easier. I don't have to dehumanize these creatures, they __**have **__no humanity. They see people as prey, as food. The only thing they understand is violence. If violence is their sole language, then I will speak to them in it, and end all conversation._

_Why can't they understand that?

* * *

_

"Jesus Christ. What a mess." Detective Jonathon Chesbro said, as the CSI unit tried to work around the paramedics, who were in turn trying to extract the shattered body of the thug that had attacked Marissa in the alleyway. Marissa herself was sitting in the ambulance, being examined by another paramedic for the slight head injury she'd suffered when she'd been slammed against the wall.

"You'll have a lump, miss, but besides that I think you'll be okay." The paramedic said, putting away his small flashlight.

"Then I want to talk to her." Detective Athena Jones said, gesturing the paramedic aside. "Miss Mori, is it?"

"Um, yeah." Marissa said.

"Tell me what happened. In your own words. Yes, it may seem obvious, but paperwork." Jones said. "Bleeping Backlash."

"…I was walking to the bus stop down the street and he pushed me into the alley. We fought briefly, I maced him and was running away when that guy came…"

"Backlash." Athena said, her tone cold.

"…yeah. He…did that."

"…bleeping nutcase." Athena said. "The vigilante. Did he make any threatening gestures to you?"

"No."

"Try to intimidate you?"

"Well, he was rude and insulting that I was walking alone in this area, but no, he didn't threaten or do anything."

"Pardon my partner. She doesn't like our resident 'hero'." Chesbro said, walking up to the ambulance.

"He's NUTS, John. He's been nuts ever since the Titans were killed."

"Yeah…the same deaths that brought all the deviants and opportunity seekers to our city. Which he's spent several years fighting."

"HE TURNED THAT GUY INTO A SACK OF MEAT! He probably won't walk or eat solid food for the rest of his life! There's a reason we have laws against excessive force, and he breaks them every damn time he steps out!"

"…and yet I still think the alternative is worse." Chesbro said. Jones growled low in her throat.

"We can't keep condoning his actions, John. Look at the means he already applies to get at his ends. It's just going to go downhill from there. It's already started, as far as I can tell."

"Well…I'm not the one you have to convince." Chesbro said. "Miss Mori, do you have any idea what your attacker planned to do?"

"Well…he had a knife…and wasn't interested in my purse. And he called me 'lovely'." Marissa said, and shuddered.

"…I know my job. I know what's right and wrong." Chesbro said, speaking far more to his partner than Marissa. "Tell me I'm wrong that I really don't care."

"When you start, it might be too late." Jones replied.

That was the last thing she said, as there was a sudden commotion on the outskirts of the crime scene. The detectives looked over, as did Marissa, who felt relief and a little apprehension at the same time. She'd been more right than she'd realized: her dad HAD shown up. That brought the relief, except he was now fighting to get past the police officers restraining him. Apparently they hadn't liked his entrance of 'just walk onto the crime scene without saying a word'.

"Your father?" Chesbro said.

"Yeah. Can't he come in?"

"Not if he tries to just march in like he owns the place and get in a fight with the people who are actually supposed to be here." Jones said, heading over.

"We'll try to keep him from being arrested." Chesbro said, also heading over.

Marissa watched the scene. Even if she had been more alert, she likely would have never seen the dark figure hanging off a rooftop. A few moments later, Backlash was gone, his observation complete. She'd been on his new route: no harm in taking a few seconds to make sure she'd done as said. With that done, he vanished without Marissa ever having a clue he was there.

Marissa Mori had, however, correctly guessed that her father would try to beat the crap out of the thug who'd tried to attack her. Despite there being virtually nothing to beat. He was that kind of guy.

* * *

Clad in a red silk bathrobe with black trim, Robert Candide strolled out of one of the several bedrooms in his penthouse apartment.

"Ah, another wonderful evening. Hi Charlene."

"Evening Rob." The woman in the bunny suit said, turning the page of the tome she was perusing. "Can you wait a minute? I'm just about done re-reading War and Peace. You pick up so much the sixth time!"

"Sure thing." Rob said, heading onward, whistling a happy tune. "Peggy, Yolanda. How's that probe you sent to Venus doing?"

"Oh, it's already melted. But it lasted three hours longer than we'd thought. We've got enough data to keep us busy for a year!" Peggy said, adjusting her unique lingerie as she spoke.

"Great! Betty, now…how goes the science stuff?"

"You forgot what we were doing again, didn't you?" Betty said.

"It's just so complicated…"

"What's so complicated about stable, cold nuclear fission?"

"Pretty much everything." Rob said. Betty giggled and poked Rob on the nose.

"Man oh man. Volunteering for that pheromone research experiment was the best thing I ever did." Rob said. "Maybe some men would be intimidated living in an apartment full of beautiful women smarter than they are, I just like to think of it as mixing education and pleasure. Life is good!"

The overhead window shattered, the black form falling through it and landing in a whirl of ebony capes. Strangely, Rob seemed somewhat unconcerned, although all the girls had bolted up, staring in alarm.

"Funny, I don't recall an appointment at…" Rob said, checking his pocket watch. "9:54."

"Ladies, leave." Backlash said, standing up.

"Ah, Backlash. Can I help you?" Rob said.

White lines flew out of Noel's hand, seizing Rob by his robe and yanking him forward into his grip, as the girls fled the room in a panic.

"I rather liked that window, you know." Rob said. A moment later Backlash slammed him against the nearest wall.

"DON'T start with your cute-playing, Candide. We had a deal, and you are not living up to your end of the bargain."

"Oh, that." Rob said. "…no, wait. I'm still honestly ignorant of your purpose here, so please state your paranoid ramblings in the form of a specific request for information."

Rob suddenly found his feet had moved several more inches off the ground.

"Something is happening, Candide. Whispers of the worst sort. You have told me NOTHING."

"Has it occurred to you I might just KNOW nothing then?"

"…do you know just why I'm expressing such intense displeasure here, Candide?" Backlash said.

"Because you think I'm a degenerate do-nothing?"

"No, if I thought that I would have tossed you in jail and seen what interesting things your pheromones do there."

"I hadn't realized that degenerate do-nothingness is a crime, but please, enlighten me."

Backlash did.

"Ah. That IS a good reason. Well then, I'll have my crack team have a go at it."

"No time. I suspect whatever is happening is happening now, but I can't pin down WHERE. My other sources are exhausted and you have a habit of coming into interesting information. Since you weren't passing ANYTHING along at all, even in terms of 'I have not heard anything interesting' I paid this house call to make sure you were actually doing your job instead of constantly fooling around. So if you don't want to require the usual provider of a house call, start talking." Backlash said, letting Rob down.

"How large do you think this operation is?"

"Small enough to keep themselves concealed, big enough to get me to wreck your property." Backlash said.

"Hm. That doesn't narrow it down much. Any idea where the shipments are coming or going?"

"No and no."

"I see why you needed some help." Rob said. "The obvious spot is by the docks, especially from Pier 30 down, since those are run down and the inspectors don't go there much. Tell me what you do know."

"Chalice is likely involved somehow."

"Okay, that helps. I had heard some rumors he was in town…let's step into my office." Rob said, walking into said office without waiting. He sat down on his computer and typed for a moment.

"Okay, the chief of police mentioned that Chalice was in town, and that some of his old associates were repeatedly seen at a part near Pier 41. Pull up the property maps for that area (I love you, Google Earth)…checking the ownership on them…Three of the warehouses are owned by Weyerhaeuser, though they're not in operation, one by a French shipping company and another one by a mister H. Randolf. Weyerhaeuser is a respectable company, but nobody's used those facilities for years. The French company maintains operations, so if I were Chalice I'd want to stay away from them, so that eliminates the next door neighbors. Which leaves one of the Weyerhaeusers and the Randolf." Rob said, printing off the map.

"…Candide, I KNOW this. It was the first thing I checked."

"Ah, but you don't have access to Chalice's BULWARK profile."

"Yes I do."

"You just think that." Rob said. "Remind me to thank my father for the security clearance. Chalice's known aliases are…Peter Stone…Boris N. Kerensky…and H Dot Rand."

Noel grabbed the computer monitor with a Shimmer line and spun it around, eyes narrowed.

"…he's too smart to be this obvious. What is he trying to pull?"

"Could be an old fashioned trap. Or maybe he figures you'll reject the obvious?"

"…you better be right about that." Backlash said, leaving. "Otherwise you will have worse problems then a broken window."

"Do you want my printout? And you have my cell phone number, right? I'll stay handy in case you…he's run off, hasn't he."

"He has." The voice in the shadows said, and then Cassandra Cain emerged, bedecked in her own dragon patterned robe.

"Why is he such an ass?"

"What happened to B…Batman affected so many. Combined with what befell the Titans, it is really not hard to understand." Cassandra said. "Are you…okay?"

"Nothing the usual treatment won't make better." Rob said, typing at his computer. "Shame Oracle passed away. Not a shame I managed to turn her operation into a profitable business. Speaking of which…" Rob said, and pressed a button. His computer screen filled up with a video monitor, before Power Girl, Wonder Girl, and Empress appeared on the screen.

"Good morning Birds of Prey."

"Good morning Rob!" The three chirped.

"How goes the prison break at Arkham?"

"Just fine sir." Wonder Girl said.

"Splendid. I look forward to seeing you all soon." Rob said, and turned off the monitor. "Shame the rest of them are all also on missions, Cassandra, but I suppose we will have to make do. Fortunately, you are the One who is All."

"Tee hee!" Cassandra giggled. Rob reached into his bathrobe and extracted a pipe, putting his feet up on his desk.

"Ahhh…it's good to be the King!"

* * *

_I really hope Chalice hasn't manipulated me to the level that my visit with Candide had suggested. The area he laid out was one of my first suspicions, but I dismissed it as being too simple. Chalice may hate me, but he's still a genius. Surely he'd have something more complicated than that._

_Unless he wanted me to outsmart myself. To get so focused on what he's pulling I miss the forest for the trees. I wouldn't put it past him._

_This is why Bruce always needed a Robin, to help him with certain details he might have missed. I would have gladly been that Robin._

_There won't be any more Robins._

_Soon, there might not be any more superheroes. What Killjoy did started a chain reaction that had far greater repercussions that anyone expected. When the greatest man in the world falls to the flaws of man…_

_The worst part is, I care less and less as time goes on. I can't do anything. All I can do is protect my city. Or at the very least, make sure any human waste I find in it never comes back._

_Maybe Bruce would have disapproved. Might have even stopped me, thrown me in jail._

_But his ways and choices drove him mad. Maybe we're all mad now._

_I'll do what I think is right._

_Any fallout from that, is beyond my concern._

_Somewhere in the United States.

* * *

_

The truck driver never knew what happened to his vehicle. He'd left it idling on the street while he went into the supermarket for the manager to sign something, and when he came back out a massive sinkhole had consumed it. When road and construction workers finally got around in their repairs to pulling the truck out, they found to their surprise that virtually all the food was gone.

Some time later, in a nearby national park, inside a large series of caves, Tara Markov sat and cooked herself her a Christmas dinner.

It was easier than one would think, cooking a Christmas dinner in a cave. It wasn't exactly building a miniature nuclear engine with a box of scraps, but when you could manipulate earth and stone, it wasn't too hard. The hardest part was maintaining the fires, but most other things could be make out of rock: pots, utensils, even ovens. If you spilled something, well, you just separated the dirt from the food, or just make the rock floor so clean that you could eat off it. Anything Tara couldn't improvise with her talent, she could steal. She'd become good at it.

Even so, she had vowed this would be the last Christmas she spent in a cave.

Her life had been hell. Waking up as a teenager with no memories, wandering the streets, sleeping in alleyways, eating out of garbage cans…and of course, whenever she found anything good, she rapidly lost it. That was the problem with having uncontrollable powers that could cause earthquakes: all it took was you getting upset and suddenly something hit the house harder than any wolf could huff or puff.

It was right around when a group of two hobos had tried to rape her and she'd beaten them to death with a rock that she realized she had stopped caring. After that, she'd devoted herself to learning her powers, no matter the collateral damage. One would think that the superhero world would have done something about it, but by the time Tara had begun her experiments it was in no shape to interfere. When all the world had gone to hell, one tended not to notice the details.

So Tara had learned. Once she had, she stopped letting the world take what it wanted from her and took what she wanted instead. Her original dream of finding a place to accept her had long disappeared from her mind. This world had no more kindness in it. Just eat, or be eaten.

That had been before Tara had stumbled into that superhero fracas. Been zapped by that alien ray. Woken up from medical treatment to find that, after years of darkness, she finally remembered when she came from, and why she was here.

This would be her last Christmas in a cave.

She was going to go back home.

And she was going to punish her country. She would show them just what a terrible mistake they had made. And once she was done, she'd move onto the world.

She'd eaten enough excrement in her life. All she had left was her desire to feed it to the world.

And so, as carefully constructed rock creations cooked her turkey and the rest of the Christmas dinner, Tara sat in her stolen clothes and blankets, and plotted for the day when she'd break the world.

It would be a hell of a time.

* * *

In the end, it was the remaining Weyerhaeuser warehouse that held what Backlash had sought. It was well guarded, with multiple men armed with various weapons, mostly heavy guns.

Normally, Backlash would have initiated a quick, rapid offense, taking each target down one at a time in order to prevent suspicion. Two things stopped him.

One was the massive man barking orders. Dressed in a deep purple and red suit that completely covered his body, said suit twitching like an animal, Backlash swiftly recognized who had been left in charge of the operation. He'd fought him once before, and circumstances at the time had prevented anything more than brief fisticuffs.

Not this time.

The other was that after careful scouting, both with his eyes and with the small floating cameras he'd cannibalized using Cyborg's tech, Noel had swiftly realized that Chalice was nowhere to be found. Backlash supposed there was a small chance he was there, just very well hidden, but he figured there was a greater chance that he was keeping himself hands off in this case. After all, if he was absent, than Backlash couldn't bring him in, and he could continue exploiting human misery for profit and to anger his enemy.

Noel really should have looked past this and gone by the book.

Instead, he just located where every single thug was, dropped down to the ground, and slammed his hands into it.

It was far from perfect, the way he fired the Shimmer into the ground and up around the thugs. Had he been able to pinpoint such an offense, he would have been able to disarm and disable all the thugs without them getting more than a few bruises. As it was, his massive eruption of thrashing, thrusting lines probably crippled several of Chalice's minions, some of them likely for life.

Noel didn't care. They were scum, and if they were working for Chalice on an operation like this, they deserved it. The rest were details he didn't want to or care to know.

"WHAT THE BLEEP!" The man in the alien tech suit yelled, watching as his minions were stepped on like the insects they were. The suit on his arm shifted, forming several blades that he slashed at one of the Shimmer protrusions, but it withdrew back into the ground before he could get it. The leader growled and spun around, his eyes scanning the darkness.

"All right, bleephead. Come on out, so I can rip you a few new ones." The man said. The fact that he got no immediate answer made him even angrier, and he slammed his arm against the massive packing crate he and his men had dragged into the warehouse. They'd taken it off a ship, and had been awaiting a truck when Noel made his presence felt. Noel had found the truck too. At least he was pretty sure it was the truck. If not, well…the drivers would recover from their broken bones.

The echo from the leader's blow rang through the warehouse, before silence descended back onto the location, occasionally interrupted by a groaning thug.

In a whirl of massive cloaks, Backlash dropped down from the ceiling, landing a dozen feet from the leader. Said leader did not seem impressed.

"About bleeping time." The leader said, crossing his arms,

"Matthew Prince." Backlash said.

"Bleep you. It's Jugular." Matthew Prince/Jugular said, jerking a thumb in his direction.

"No. Jugular was what the alien who once wore your suit's battle name translated to. You're just an imposter with a toy you barely understand."

"Oh yeah? Why don't I show you just how well my toy plays, bleephead." Jugular said, holding out an arm. The amorphous material shifted on the limb, claws hardening on his fingertips as several blades extended on his forearm. "I know just what your bleeping power doesn't like, and I've got it to spare. Not to mention I'm twenty times stronger and tougher than the toughest man on Earth."

"Right. How many times did Chalice have you read that so that you could memorize it?"

"Bleep you bleep hole. Let's go." Jugular said, his other hand becoming a large ball covered with pointed spikes.

"Jugular, do you have any idea how that costume works?"

"I know how well it's gonna bleep you up." Jugular said.

"It's a fluctuating gel-based protective system, capable of manifesting weapons, optimizing the wearer's abilities far above their limit, and, perhaps the most important detail, offering considerable protection via the utilization of its permutable mass to deflect and absorb offensive efforts of many sorts."

"…what?" Jugular said.

"Your suit isn't designed to complete negate impacts, it's designed to try and keep them away from you as best it can. Being alien technology, it's better than the average bullet proof vest." Backlash said. "But it's not metal or any other solid. It's a malleable material. Now, I'm guessing it could stop one or even a dozen normal bullets, provided they were all lucky enough to hit you…"

The Shimmer lines exploded from the ground behind Jugular, seizing him by the legs. Jugular yelled, looking down at the energy talent immobilizing him, Noel having made his speech to make sure Jugular didn't notice that he was sending his power through the floor via his feet. All idiots were the same: they assumed everyone else knew the same tricks they did and little else. Backlash had gambled that despite all of Jugular's costume being able to manifest weapons, he would have little idea how to do it on his legs.

In time anyway, as Noel produced the machine gun he had taken off one of the thugs.

"This has a 78 round clip of hollow points. And you can't move." Backlash said.

"NO!"

Backlash just opened fire, holding the gun out with one arm and Shimmer braces as he fired into the prone, unable to dodge or defend Jugular.

His alien armor actually held up better than Noel had guesstimated. It was, however, not a solid-based fortification, and hence when Noel stopped firing and withdrew his Shimmer strands Jugular collapsed to the ground, his body a mess of shattered bones and extensive hematomas.

"Augggggghhhhh…" Jugular groaned, as Backlash headed over. Shimmer lines lashed out, piercing into Jugular's armor and ripping out its power centers. They might not have had much time to interact the first time Backlash had met Matthew Prince, but that didn't matter considering Noel had more extensive experience with the first wearer of the armor.

"Do you know what you were transporting?" Backlash asked. Jugular just groaned.

Backlash grabbed his enemy, yanking him up and peeling his mask off with a Shimmer blade. Underneath the covering, Prince had boney, weak features, with a large nose, wide lips, and short, dark hair.

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WERE DOING YOU IDIOT?!!"

"…huh?" Prince whimpered.

Backlash dragged him over to the cargo crate. One Shimmer lash tore off the lock.

Until he opened it, part of Noel hoped he had been wrong. That he'd been overestimating Chalice's capacity for cruelty.

As the light fell on the dirty faces and the ragged clothing of the children inside, Noel was reminded why he hated the world so much.

"…it's okay." Backlash said, holding up a hand. "You'll be all right. All right now."

The children didn't reply. Noel looked into the eyes of the nearest one, the glassy blank stare of a long-dead soul, devoured by human deviance so wretched Noel honestly wished he could throw all the people who suffered or reveled in it in an oven. It was the 21st century. Slavery should be dead. Child slavery should be abhorrent to the entire human race. Child sex slavery…

The world was going to hell. But if that was the case, Noel was going to hand out as much of his own hell as he could before it all burned.

Closing the door, Noel turned back towards Jugular, noting that one of his eyes was swelling shut. He'd still seen what he'd been hired to transport.

"…I…"

"Didn't know. Didn't care." Backlash figured, dropping Jugular with a thud and an agonized groan.

Jugular didn't stay still long. Noel started walking away, even as a Shimmer line seized Jugular by his ankle and dragged him along behind him

"What-argh, ow, are you AHHHH doing?!" Jugular cried. Backlash didn't answer, as he dragged Jugular out of the warehouse and to the nearby docks.

"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." Noel said, heading down to the water. "I am that reaction. I am the backlash to your crimes. And I do not suffer anything gladly."

"What are you doing! Hey! Hey!' Jugular yelled in panic as Noel yanked him up and turned him over. Jugular found himself looking at the ocean water, as dark as the night. "NO! NO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS! YOU CAN'T…!"

"Bleep you." Backlash said, seizing Prince by the hair. "Merry Christmas."

Despite his shattered body, Jugular managed a decent struggle as Noel shoved his face into the water. Noel ignored it, feeling the body thrash beneath his grip before it finally started fading.

With a quick yank, Noel pulled Jugular up, the Shimmer flowing into his lungs and expelling the water. Jugular started sucking in a desperate breath.

"You think we're done?" Noel said, and shoved Backlash back under the water. He waited ten seconds longer this time before yanking Jugular's limp form up. It took a little more effort the second time to clear his lungs and get him to start breathing again.

Jugular rasped air in, barely comprehending what was happening, before he heard the low whisper in his ear, a voice of icy venom and bottomless hate.

"Don't. Come. Back. Here."

Jugular didn't get to reply before Noel shoved his head back under the water.

* * *

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING!?!?!" Mitch Mori yelled at the young man sitting in his window.

"Calm, Mitch, calm. You need to watch your blood pressure." Adam Matthews said, picking at the hem of the black jeans he wore with his white T-shirt and heavy winter trench coat.

"I do! You're the only one who raises it! Where were you?!"

Adam opened his mouth for a moment, before closing it again and looking at Marissa, who was sitting on a nearby couch.

"What time did this happen again?" Adam asked.

"About an hour and a half ago." Marissa replied.

"I was walking past Michelton and Kennedy, with a spring in my step and a new day on the horizon. Eight birds flew by in the night sky, and the temperature was about forty degrees Fahrenheit. I considered going into Denny's and getting a nice dinner." Adam said with absolute certainty, tilting his head and looking up at the ceiling as he stuck his lower lip out. "I think I was looking forward to the soup special. Or maybe it was chowder…"

"That doesn't excuse you Adam. If it hadn't been for Backlash, she could have been killed. Considering all the danger you drag her into, you would think you could at least be there when…ARGH!" Mitch snapped, before he popped a cigarette into his mouth and lit up. Adam turned away from the man, looking once more at his partner in 'crime'.

"This guy who attacked you, was he wearing welding gear?"

"What? No." Marissa said.

"Was he scarred all over the face?"

"No. Why do you ask?"

"Just confirming it wasn't one of my many enemies, whom have sworn upon their very souls to get back at me. Now, assuming he didn't have big glowing yellow eyes, an exposed brain, or was secretly a girl in disguise, then I can say with almost all certainty that there's no way this is my fault…wow, this is such a rare moment." Adam said, stifling a giggle. "Hear that, Marissa? And you said everything is my fault when we were facing certain death against laser-pointed energy spears."

"That WAS your fault. And Dad, I thought you tried to quit."

"I try to keep my weekly sessions with Dr. Sarda and drink a glass of milk every day too. Strangely, dealing with your friend does not send me running to the hospital or the fridge." Mitch said, drawing a few breaths before stubbing the cigarette out.

"Relax Mitch. Marissa's not made of glass." Adam said. "In fact, I'm not entirely sure who saves the other most often during our roadtrips. Like that one time when we encountered that Bear Cavalry. I honestly considered abandoning all hope, what with the snowstorm and the FREAKIN' BEAR CAVALRY, so when one of them managed to pin me down, I thought it was over. Then Marissa showed up, though I'm STILL not sure how she got out of that cabin I left her in, and attacked the thing with an AXE. Right into its open mouth! It was incredible! And now that I think about it, I bet that axe had something to do with her escape--" Adam said, before trailing off as he noticed Marissa's frantic gestures to stop.

"BEAR CAVALRY?!" Mitch yelled.

"…Oh, did he not know that?"

_[Some time later.]_

"You know Adam, considering how much you like having me around, it doesn't help that you not only tell my dad about the dangerous parts of what we do, but add in events like me hitting bears with axes! Which didn't happen!" Marissa said, her arms crossed and her breathing misting from the cold of the outdoors, the two having left the house to give Mitch Mori some space.

"It didn't?" Adam said, now sitting on the hood of his jeep. "Didn't think I was THAT delirious back then."

"It was a stick!"

"…well, that's kinda boring Marissa."

"Excuse me for not being a violent psychopath." Marissa said.

"Given that my experience with violent psychopaths usually has them raising me from the dead to use my body as a vessel for Trigon The Terrible, I guess I have no choice." Adam said, smirking in friendly teasing.

"Wait, how do I remind you of THAT?" Marissa said.

"Well, the look on your face right now sorta mirrors Psimon when he realized the 'powerful demon' the Titans fought and 'killed' was in fact a chaosling. Right before the explosions and the shrieks and the dimensional rending and the poof no more Trigon. Though…not quite right…" Adam said, reaching over and moving Marissa's mouth, cheeks and eyebrows around a bit. "And…yep. There it is. That IS a fun memory."

Marissa shoved Adam off his jeep, hmphing as he hit the ground.

"…so you're okay then?" Adam said, perfectly comfortable with lying on the asphalt.

"I've been fine, but thanks to your blabbing, I'm not allowed to go on any trips." Marissa said.

"He'll ease up. He likes making you happy too much not to." Adam said. "He'll be okay too."

"You told him I went after a bunch of bears with an axe."

"Yeah…….You should probably set him straight. And tell him about how I'm a filthy liar, and all we did was camp out and watch the snow fall. With hot chocolate. Everyone loves hot chocolate!"

"That'd be lying, Adam." Marissa said.

"…any chance to overlook your no-lying policy for the next 30 minutes?"

"No Adam. _No lying_. My dad had enough lying to deal with when all that stuff with my mom happened. Just tell him the truth that you were trying to find a cub to bring back as a pet and the mom chased you down." Marissa said. "And it was ONE bear. Cavalries ride on horseback."

Adam opened his mouth to speak, before a slightly bewildered look crossed his face.

"…wait, are you telling me the other bears and the dwarves riding on them were ALSO part of my delirious hallucinations? I really hate snow, with its interesting lies."

"It was below freezing and you were convinced you could heat yourself to deal with it anyway." Marissa said, rolling her eyes.

"..huh. Surprised I survived." Adam said, tilting his head again. "Okay, I'll talk to him. Though you should probably be there to make sure I don't stray to Wonderland again when talking about it. I'm beginning to suspect that there might be a slim chance those leprechauns I saw were, in fact, not actually there."

"Adam, just tell him what you are 100 percent sure _won't_ make him angrier. Leave everything else OUT. I'd rather not be cooped up in my house all break if he goes back to being as paranoid as he used to be."

"I can DO it!…does this mean I should keep quiet about our other questionably-safe adventures? Like the time I took you to Shangri-lah?"

Marissa glared.

"My dad's gone through enough crap with that divorce and the city going to hell since the Titans died. Especially since he couldn't afford to move. You don't help by making him freak out whenever I'm out of sight. Cut it out."

"…maybe he'll like my golden kitty?" Adam said, forming a kitten out of gold mist. Despite his nodding smile, Marissa did not look very cheerful.

"Not right now."

Adam tilted his hand, the kitten vanishing.

"Sorry for, you know, all the therapy bills I've cost your dad since we met. Did he start going because of me?"

"What? No, that was a while back." Marissa said. "After the divorce. He thought I needed help after, but then he did it himself, too."

"He needed help?" Adam said, tilting his head again. "Did he say why?"

"Well, she just ditched us once the city went to crap. I doubt anyone would take that well. He kept going for a while after though. I think something else happened too."

"Man. That was years before you met me. That's humbling."

"Yeah. I don't know why he still goes though. We both got over mom leaving already, so it's not that."

"What is it then? Living with our resident Emo Boy? Mitch seemed like the kind that'd approve of him."

"I think my dad would probably invite him over for dinner, considering that he rammed the guy who attacked me through a brick wall. It's probably not stress from the city either: he likes it here, even with all the problems. I'd say it's probably family issues, but I've never met any of my relatives from his side of the family. He doesn't talk about them."

"Ha. Backlash as a dinner guest. That'll be something." Adam said, musing. "Met him a few times, you know. Like during the second Aberration mess, actually met him proper there. I don't think he liked me much. Got REALLY agitated when I asked him if he knew the Titans."

"Didn't they get killed by that hitman?" Marissa said.

"Yeah. But the way he froze up on certain topics, his outlook at the world, his 'style' that screams Bat-protégé (probably Bat's last, actually)…He knew them. That's what drives him."

"Revenge? Then why not go after the hitman? Kill-whatever."

"The legendary Killjoy? Who hasn't been seen since?" Adam said. "That's the thing about legends though, isn't it. If they disappear, that could just mean they went back into seclusion…or it could just mean they went somewhere else entirely."

"Yeah, well, it's not my concern. I'm just here to visit Dad." Marissa said.

"And have fun with me, right?" Adam said, giving big puppy-dog eyes.

"Not now, since my dad thinks I chased a bunch of bears with an AXE." Marissa said, giving Adam another glare. In an incredible moment, he actually looked properly scolded.

"…sorry about that. Don't worry, I-we'll talk to him. We'll figure it out. We always do, right?"

"Yeah, I guess. He's probably calmed down by now. We should head in, it's cold." Marissa said.

Adam smiled, hopping off the jeep and giving Marissa a one armed hug. "…Don't worry so much. I'm here. So I'll make you smile."

"Get off me. Last thing I need is a lecture because he thinks we're TOGETHER. We've had enough drama today, and I doubt Richard would be happy about you 'claiming' me either. "

"We ARE together! No matter what! Let the games begin! No matter what!" Adam sang. "As for that boy, never liked him. Too possessive. Sooo, about that trip to Atlantis…"

* * *

The wind had returned, whistling low across the ground and causing Noel's capes to flutter as he laid the flowers down on the grave. He did this nightly, always replacing the past night's flowers with fresh ones.

"…this is the way the world is now." Noel said, standing up and looking at the grave. Above him, the statue of the four Titans stood, overlooking where two of them were buried. Robin was buried back in Gotham, and Beast Boy was buried with his parents, but Cyborg and Starfire had been laid to rest here, as well as symbolic objects of Tim Drake and Gar Logan. Noel was sure they didn't mind.

"I'll keep fighting until I drop, or until it changes. And in this world, only the rules of Machiavelli apply." Noel said. "Maybe you would tell me I've turned from your path…but the path you walk doesn't exist any more. Without people like you…it all fell apart. The center couldn't hold. Without people like me now, this world has no future. Just a long slow demise."

Noel turned around, his hand clutching the flowers from yesterday.

"Hell, maybe you never belonged to begin with."

Noel walked away, pausing a moment to toss the flowers into the nearby deep, deep pit he'd carved out some distance from the graves. He never said anything to _that _chasm, and he never planned to.

That was where the garbage went. Not jail, not the insane asylum. The pit. It held the worst of the lost. The assassin who'd struck shortly after Noel had joined the team, while he was recovering from the injuries of his first encounter with the Troika. The lunatic killer who'd called himself the Lord of the Night. A fair number of HIVE members (at least that Flay guy had realized what a losing proposition being on the HIVE was and switched sides). The strange alien with the burning blood who'd crashed here one night and made the stupid mistake of attacking Backlash. Others; Noel's memory was beginning to fade on them all. They were all the same. Scum who would be forgotten and left to rot down there, their bodies slowly wasting away. Pieces of crap who would never again darken the door of his city.

He'd fill it a hundred times over if he had to. Eventually, he'd fix things.

Noel slipped into the hidden elevator beyond that, heading down into his secret base, deep below the ruins of the T-Tower, long abandoned and left to seed. Hiding in plain sight. Once he arrived, he spent a few minutes activating the defenses, before he stripped off his mask and cloaks and headed into his room.

"Evening Athos. Porthos." Noel said, the Shimmer reaching up and cleaning the black dye from his hair as he filled the food dishes of two tabby kittens. Said kittens seemed to be too interested in fighting with each other to eat. Such was often the case: they fought to play, and they played a lot. Noel peered under the bed to see another cat, this one full-grown and orange, dozing. "And Aramis. Sleep the sleep of the content."

With his cats fed, Noel briefly recorded the night's events, added a few notes on where to look for Chalice next, and then went to his nightly project.

Sometimes, Noel blamed himself for what had happened to Batman. Losing Tim to Killjoy had been bad enough, but then Noel had failed to live up to being a worthy successor. Having lost another Robin, who in the end may as well have been his soul, and unable to replace him this time, Bruce Wayne finally completed his decades-long process of going mad. The world had never recovered from what he'd unleashed.

It might never, at all. Certainly not the heroes. Noel got away with what he did because there was not much left to stop him. The bright ages were dead, gone, and never coming back, and most of the world accepted that he was the best they were going to get. Sometimes, Noel felt that it was all his fault.

Most of the time though, Noel knew where the real blame lay. Batman could never have handled the reality of the truth: the world was changing, and with Tim's death, it was informing him he was being left behind. Batman's decision on the grave of his parents had ultimately strangled him. Noel was determined not to let the same thing happen to him.

He knew who had killed his best, and only friends. The last sane thing Batman had done was capture him. In all the carnage that followed, Slade Wilson had tried to escape.

He had gravely underestimated just what he had done in murdering the Titans. Sometimes, Noel thought that Slade himself hadn't expected Killjoy to succeed. It was just another test that had gone horribly wrong.

Something Slade Wilson probably thought of every time the lights came on in his room. He looked up from the rack he was imprisoned on, his lone remaining eye glaring fiercely. It was pretty much the only movement he COULD make: the null field around him completely shut down his motor system's ability to transfer electrical impulses. Cyborg's notes had said he had hoped it would help with future prisons. Noel had found his own use for it.

"Hello Slade." Noel said, heading over to a table. "Recovered from that infection yet? I'm sure your system fought it off. Hell, as long as I keep pumping nutrients in you, you might outlive me. Though I doubt it."

Slade kept glaring. It was, as said, all he could do. Anything that was cut or burned off Slade grew back, in time. The medical treatments that had turned him into a super-soldier and king of mercenaries had had a greater effect than anyone had realized. It had also given him a healing factor that rendered Slade virtually immortal.

So Noel, who had tired of the screams produced by Slade's nightly punishment a long time ago, had carved out his vocal cords and replaced him with a plastic piece to prevent them from growing back. It made concentrating on his work easier.

"It's getting near Christmas." Noel said, looking at the various unpleasant tools laid out before him. "What should I get you this year? Hard to top last year's present of your daughter's head. Her own fault. I warned her."

Slade wanted to grit his teeth. He wanted to scream. He wanted to know how he had been brought so low by a half-mad vigilante who had been a Titan for about a minute before the Killjoy incident.

He'd be asking that question for many nights in the future.

"Tis better to give than to receive, after all." Noel said, selecting a barbed circular saw. "I'd also say peace on earth and good will towards men, but you deserve neither."

The saw started up, the whirring noise filling Slade's ears. He knew the blade was dulled. For extra 'effect'.

"Merry Christmas, Wilson." Backlash said, and sent the Shimmer out with the tool. Unlike the body, the Shimmer had no electricity in it for the field to cut off.

The field that made sure Slade's nervous system still worked enough to feel pain. Pain Noel would be repaying to Slade until his dying day, if he could.

To Slade and to the world. For what they'd done to his city.

"Men are more ready to repay an injury than a benefit." Noel said. "Because gratitude is a burden."

Blood sprayed on Noel's face, even from across the room. He did not bother wiping it off.

"And revenge a pleasure."

* * *

"……………………_.next world. Just……………next world."_

"_**I gathered."**_


	8. Part 7: Don't Open

No Morgue: Don't Open

"_**Sophie Mathews. Morgue. Your most recent member."**_

"_Yeah. Some people would wonder why. They're steeped in convention though, and convention isn't always what it's cracked up to be…for better or for worse."_

"_**How true."

* * *

**_

_I think a lot about Jason these days. How his fleeting moments drove him. How it might have brought about his death._

_I think about my own fleeting moments. Why I left Gotham to found this team. Why I tried to screw with time to undo what I thought was a mistake. Why I acted out of anger instead of the reasons Bruce taught me._

_I think about that poem, how a kingdom fell for the want of a nail, and realize how true it is._

_I wonder if my life will become defined solely by my mistakes, just like Jason.

* * *

_

"Hey. Robin. Snap out of it." The unit on Robin's tech suit said. Robin blinked his eyes open, his thoughts returning to the back corners of his mind. "Geez. You know, if you're not going to use that darn body of yours, Robin, you might as well hand it over to me."

"…not happening Cyborg." Robin said, turning around. He missed the feel his cape used to give him, flapping around his shoulders, but it was a luxury he could no longer afford. Even the high-tech weave it had been composed of wasn't enough armor for his nightly duties. Now he needed the heavy mechanical suit he wore, a cross between the uniform he'd worn as Slade's apprentice and the body Victor Stone had once occupied. Before things had gone so badly. Before Victor's best options had been to transfer his mind into an AI pattern before his brain completely succumbed to the damage inflicted on it. Before the Titans' whole life wasn't what happened when night fell.

Slade. He'd made his own mistakes with what had happened. Sometimes Robin didn't know if he was glad he survived it while Slade had not.

Maybe he should be. At least he was alive. That couldn't be said for everyone. Hell, not everyone even had Victor's hope that one day he'd find the proper combination of cloning technology and nano-repairs that would return him to the man, and machine, he once was. It was that hope that kept him going, and made him serve as Robin's on-board battle computer.

"Think anyone's seen anything?" Robin asked. "Haven't seen much these past few days. Either he fed well and we never found the bodies, or he's taunting us."

"Not really sure if he has the mental capacity to still do that." Cyborg said. He didn't add that said lack of mental capacity was probably why the Titans still had a chance, after what had occurred.

"Do you think he could re-develop it?"

"God help us if he did."

"I doubt God is going to start caring about us any time soon." Robin said, and activated his communicator.

* * *

"I have seen nothing, Robin." Starfire said. She looked up at the moon, longing for the night to end. Then she could take all this purple armor off. Be free under the sun. Let herself hope that the next time night fell, things would finally be better.

Starfire had learned enough about humanity to wonder if she was lying to herself about such things. She had not, however, lost enough of herself to _know _that. Nor to think it was best.

"You know what else to look for, don't you?" Robin asked.

"Yes Robin. Nothing…on that…X'hal." Starfire breathed, flying down to the nearly-empty street. The key word was nearly: directly below a flickering streetlamp, a human body lay.

Most of it. It's head was gone, and parts of its torso and limbs had had ragged bites taken out of it. It was a sight Starfire had seen before. Too many times.

It didn't stop her from vowing that it would be the last.

She'd meant that the many times she'd taken that vow before, too.

* * *

_As far as we've been able to re-construct what happened from the data we have, Blacktrinians have a period in their lives which, translated into English, means 'Trial of The Monster'. The supposed spiritual reason for this occurrence had something to do with Blacktrinians supposedly being made in the image of war gods and said gods leaving the world or being banished or whatnot, and the Trials involved a god trying to pass back into our world by possessing a Blacktrinian. Whether this is in any way true or the Blacktrinian equivalent of people once thinking epileptics were possessed by demons, I really can't say. The scientific side is equally vague: apparently Blacktrinians devote most of their logical and creative thinking towards being better warriors instead of figuring out the real basis for a supposed curse from the gods. Considering how volatile Blacktrinian tissue is (I have yet to meet another species whose blood could be used as an explosive), it wouldn't surprise me that their DNA could sometimes line up in such a fashion to trigger such mutation without outside factors being in play. Starfire's DNA is more stable, and her species goes through something much like it. I don't know what that says of alien life forms: I'm not a doctor._

_Whatever the reason, the Trial causes the Blacktrinian's body to severely alter itself: sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. Based on the theological beliefs, the Blacktrinian is supposed to 'fight back' against the 'invading god', and if it succeeds, the Blacktrinian is lauded as being strong among its kin. This success seems to manifest by the mutation proving temporary, like a disease. For others, it seems to be permanent, and they are said to have 'failed' and are put to death. Exactly what factors involve success and failure, I have been unable to classify. The primary factor here, though, is that this is a natural occurrence in most Blacktrinian's lives._

_What happened to Nigel was not natural._

_We think he was captured by some scientists, after I threw him out. A Dr. Nickelson had come up in the fragments of records as being the type to do this. He performed experiments on Nigel, apparently just for the sake of seeing what came out._

_Human DNA has been theorized to have all sorts of interesting loose ends in it. Remnants of the species that we passed through to become upright mammals, untaken biological paths that were closed off during our billions of years of design. Part of what makes Beast Boy's powers work is how his parents inadvertently opened up some of those paths. Beast Boy was lucky this did not affect his mind._

_Nigel was not so lucky. Nickelson, we think, forcibly unlocked the lurking changes within Blacktrinian DNA, that come out when the Trial emerges. Much like trying to force a round shape through a square peg, this caused severe damage. The creature, the person we knew as Nigel…disappeared. What remained was a savage, prowling animal, driven only to hunt and to feed._

_If only we'd known that when we found him._

_If only.

* * *

_

Beast Boy missed having a pinkie and ring finger sometimes. Then again, he probably should have been grateful he hadn't lost something else. Like an arm, though his right arm had definitely seen better days. They'd manage to arrest the nerve damage as best they could, but one could definitely see the muscle atrophy that had occurred to the limb. It worked…but somewhere down the line, Beast Boy was going to have problems.

If he even made it somewhere down the line. The heavy scars criss-crossing his face showing where he'd nearly lost his eyes and his jaw, not to mention the limp he walked with when he wasn't injecting himself with specialized painkillers didn't exactly speak well of what the future held.

But there were worse things. Even if Beast Boy lamented he knew what those were.

"…I'm not getting anything over here." Beast Boy said. Anyone who would have stumbled over the sight might have found it comically absurd: a giant green ankylosaurus crouching low on the ground speaking on the communicator laid down on the street. But the scars Beast Boy wore had taught him a harsh lesson in never underestimating when the monster might strike. If he did…Beast Boy wasn't losing any more of himself to it. "I don't think he came this way after what Star found. I'll keep looking. His scent's pretty unique…"

* * *

"Roger B. It's also clear this way, Robin." Terra said, sitting on her rock platform. The hundreds upon hundreds of interlocking diamonds that covered her body made an odd crinkling noise as she shifted her weight. "I know. Don't worry, we have eagle eye over here. Anything we can't see, she will. Isn't that right, Speedy?"

"One would hope." Mia 'Speedy' Deardon said, as she shifted the arrow she had aimed at Terra, the geokinetic floating near the edge of the building where Speedy and Gauntlet were stationed.

"Nice suit Terra. Must have set you back some." Gauntlet said.

"Well, diamonds _are _a girl's best friend." Terra said, allowing herself to primp for a moment.

"Not really. I see at least four areas where I could get through. Two would be fatal. And I just have human strength." Speedy said. Terra groaned. She hated homework. "Hey, you asked me to check. Don't shoot the messenger."

"Hey Mia, don't diss the awesome. It's a SUIT. Made out of DIAMONDS." Gauntlet said.

"That's not as good as it seems, Gauntlet. Yeah, diamonds are hard as hell, but that's in terms of cutting. Apply the right pressure the right way, and you can break a diamond by stepping on it." Terra said.

"You and your _science._" Gauntlet groaned.

"Hey Rob, you should know the risks of everything you do. Considering who you're dating and all." Terra said. "No offense Speedy."

"None taken." Speedy said, though her voice was a tad gruff. She jogged over to the other side of the roof, scouting the area below for any trace of the former Titan all the other Titans had to hunt.

"…so. How's that working out for you anyway, Gauntlet?" Terra asked.

"We keep things strictly PG. And I still get regular screenings." Gauntlet said.

"Isn't that overdoing it a bit, Rob? You pretty much need blood or sexual contact to get HIV."

"Hey Tara, I love her. But I'm gonna be careful about it." Gauntlet said.

"Right. Probably more likely that thing will kill us long before AIDS can." Terra said bleakly.

"That's the spirit!" Gauntlet said. Terra flipped her teammate off, and Gauntlet was about to say something else when Speedy yelled.

That was all she got the chance to do, as the form crashed down from the sky onto the roof. The building reacted like a bomb had hit it, and Gauntlet found himself being consumed by rubble. A shield kept him from being crushed, and a few dozen frantic seconds later he had punched and clawed his way out of the ruined upper floors of the building.

"MIA! TARA!"

"We're here, Rob." Terra said, lowering herself down on a new stone platform torn off the wrecked building, Speedy crouched down on one end. "Jesus Christ. Didn't see anything at all. Just boom, and gone the next second."

"Guess he felt you were all skin and bones." Speedy said. Terra flipped Speedy off in turn.

Gauntlet pulled himself up on the platform, putting one arm around Mia, though more for his own comfort than for anything else. With his artifact's energy, he fished out his communicator.

"Hey Robin, it's Rob. We just encountered you know who. He didn't even notice us. I'm not sure whether I'm insulted or relieved."

"Don't be either. He probably didn't notice you because he's on the move. Must be looking for a fresh hunting ground. Did you see which way he went?"

"No, none of us did. Too much chaos."

"Bleep. Find another vantage point. And Speedy, remember the…issues with him and us."

"Affirmative." Speedy said. Gauntlet closed the communicator shut.

* * *

The white blur came to a halt as its communicator rang. Menos removed his hand from inside the pouch on his belt and picked up the buzzing circle.

"_Menos __aquí__. Nada que desir."_ The speedster said.

"That might change soon Menos. He could be heading in your direction."

"_Dejalo que venga. Mi venganza __ará cualquier infierno que ha endurado parecer nada."_ The speedster growled, his once white-costume now covered with scars of red.

"Don't get focused on revenge, Menos. That's the only way you can properly fight him. Revenge is what got Gnarrk killed, and Argent. We have to think with our heads, or we'll…"

A crashing eruption sounded nearby, and Menos snapped his head towards the noise.

"_Creo que tengo la __localización. Sigan mi señal. ¡Rápido!"_ Menos said, closing his communicator and placing it on his belt, before reaching into the belt's main container and seizing what was in there before blurring towards the noise.

The crater was belching smoke as Menos arrived: apparently a car had been caught in the landing and exploded. Menos kept a tight grip on the preserved hand in the pouch.

A shadowy form appeared in the choking vapors, and Menos narrowed his eyes as he drew a narrow object with his free hand. A quick press of a button, and a small laser blade erupted from the end of it.

"_Mi nombre es Menos. Usted mató a mi hermano. Prepárese a morir!"_

The monster leapt forth from the smoke, and the scariest thing was that he never made a sound.

* * *

_We all make mistakes in grief. Mine was banishing Nigel to begin with._

_Raven's was seeking revenge. Our initial encounter with what had once been our teammate quickly revealed that the monster he'd become was far stronger than before. Direct combat seemed unwise. Raven was too maddened and grieving to consider another option. The worst part was, so were the rest of us._

_The spell should have worked. It would be quick and painless. Raven would channel all our negative emotions and detonate them in Nigel's brain. He would be freed from what he would become. We…like to think he would have wanted it that way._

_To this day, we don't know why it went wrong. Maybe Raven overestimated herself. Maybe she channeled the wrong emotions. Maybe what Nigel was was just too strong to be slain so easily._

_The backfire destroyed Victor's body, but the consequences were farther reaching than even that. We found that out when we called in help to deal with our former teammate. _

_When Superboy punched Nigel and all of us spontaneously broke our shoulders._

_We're linked now. Anything that befalls Nigel befalls us. The only exception is any damage we ourselves inflict on Nigel. Which is now easier said than done. The door does not swing the other way either: we cannot harm ourselves to do harm to Nigel._

_We have legions of help, but we can't access any of it. It would be far too easy for them to kill most of us without even slowing Nigel down. Some people have stayed, to try and aid us anyway. _

_We've gotten most of them killed. _

_Our mistake has become a blight on so many lives._

_My mistake. Raven's mistake. The mistakes of the human animal._

_It may define us. Or destroy us. _

_I fear in the end, it will do both.

* * *

_

Robin felt the burning line as a seared wound opened up on his forearm beneath his outfit. The sudden pain almost screwed up his landing, as he arrived in the subway repair yard that he'd tracked the signal to.

Damn it. Menos hadn't listened. He hoped none of the other Titans had been doing something where a sudden wound out of nowhere would cause problems.

…the fact that it was just one injury, and that none had followed, also did not bode well. For Menos, that is.

Robin started his search. He did not call out for Meno: that would be far too easily tracked back to him. Instead, he silently made his way through the train yard. Cyborg was quiet too. He knew what needed to be done.

He discovered Menos' bloodstained helmet after two minutes of searching. Kneeling down to assess, Robin found the only thing he could tell for certain was that Menos had lost it in a fight. There wasn't enough blood to tell if he was alive or dead.

"Damn." Robin said, standing up.

"ROBIN LOOK OUT!" Cyborg yelled.

Robin was turning around before Cyborg had finished his cry, as Nigel leapt towards the Teen Wonder. The only thing that saved Robin was that even as he started turning around, he had bent his knees. This allowed him to immediately and deliberately fall backwards as Nigel leapt at him, and hence instead of directly ramming into him, Nigel was reduced to flying over Robin and grabbing him along the way. The tumble the two went into drove Robin's computer systems crazy, but it was better than the alternative. If Nigel had hit him head on, he'd have likely cut him in half.

Robin tried to return the favor, as the two came to a stop, Nigel on top of Robin. Before the alien could act, the mechanical gauntlet on Robin's right arm opened up, and Robin shoved the mini-gatling gun into the alien's torso and opened fire at point-blank range.

The fact that he didn't even drive Nigel back a step had been prepared for: after two seconds of firing Robin slammed his boot down on the ground heel-first, a jet rocket igniting and blowing Robin along the ground and out of Nigel's grip. Robin flipped to his feet as his gun weapon shifted, and as Nigel moved to follow Robin let him have it with a full blast of Cyborg's latest sonic cannon.

That succeeded in knocking Nigel back. A few steps.

"…he hasn't gotten any weaker." Cyborg said, as the alien took a moment to recover his balance. Robin said nothing, looking at the creature he'd blamed and exiled, for something that wasn't even his fault.

There wasn't much left of the original Nigel Hastings. Already large and muscular, his body's mass had grown even greater: he was nearly eight feet tall when he stood up. A patchwork mess of stolen clothes dangled on Nigel's frame, his black eyes sunk so far back into his head they were virtually non-existent. The experiment had damaged his vision, Robin had been able to assess. It was why Nigel always hunted at night. His hair had grown wild, going nearly down to his feet, and a few shards of metal hung off Nigel's hands and feet, where his metal claw bindings had broken off as said appendages had grown. His light gray hide had shifted to a sickly pallid tone, black veins evident beneath the skin.

The skin. The damned skin. Normally, Blacktrinians biology had a weakness: their evolution had caused them to be weak against projectile weapons, like bullets. You could run a Blacktrinian through with a blade, twist their guts into spaghetti, and then pull said blade out from the other end, and the Blacktrinian would be ready to fight again after a week's rest. Shoot them once, and they sometimes died even easier than humans did.

That no longer applied to Nigel. His skin had mutated and eliminated the weakness, said epidermis now laughing off even explosive-tipped ammo. It wasn't the only new power he'd gotten, as Robin braced himself.

Nigel thrust out an arm, and black blood sprayed out from his hand. Robin had never gotten close enough to the alien to tell if Nigel now had the biological means to shoot the liquid or if he just cut his hand and let pressure do the rest. That was not the problem.

The problem was the sheet of flame the blood ignited into, in mid-air. Somehow, Nigel could now control the potent energies within his own blood, and ignite them at will. It was the reason Beast Boy's back was a mass of scar tissue. Robin would end up worse if he let the fire hit him.

He didn't, as the jets ignited in his boots and he leapt into the air, the fire just missing his feet as he went up. He thrust out his arms, and the machinery on his shoulders and legs opened up, silver Birdarangs flying out and smashing into Nigel. The stinging projectiles kept Nigel from jumping into the air after Robin, who landed in a crouch and immediately sprang back up. The Titans were coming, they could be here in seconds, but Nigel could be on him in fewer seconds. Running was pointless: Nigel could move frighteningly fast, much like a bear, and would run Robin down even with his suit.

So Robin went forward instead of back, charging towards Nigel, his left arm opening and a laser sword forming from within. If he could get in close, maybe cut or damage a muscle, he might be able to slow Nigel down long enough for his team to arrive. Maybe. Maybe…

Had Robin not been surprised in turn by the last thing that had changed about Nigel, who reached over, seized onto the side of one of the subway cars, and lifted it up like it was made out of air and swung it out as a makeshift weapon.

Nigel had been strong before. The experiment had sent said strength rocketing into the stratosphere. Robin sometimes theorized it had surpassed White Hole levels. It all combined to make a nigh-unkillable monster.

The only benefit to Nigel's change was that normal crime at night had dwindled to virtually nothing. Nigel did not discriminate between prey, and the super-villains who had tried to get him to stop wrecking their operations had quickly ended up as such. Even Slade Wilson, the legendary assassin, had ended his career as just another meal.

During the day, robot clones of Cyborg, based on the setup Brother Blood had once developed, patrolled Jump City and dealt with crime. At nightfall, the Titans went out to hunt. Hoping that night was the last.

The swinging subway car almost made it Robin's last. The vehicle just grazed him, but that was enough to smash him across the open area he'd found Menos' helmet in and bury him in the side of another subway car. After swinging it, Nigel tossed the subway car away like a discarded toy, the multi-ton segment flying nearly a hundred feet through the air before it crashed into several more cars.

During the whole time, Nigel never made a sound.

"Robin, hurry! Get out of there!" Cyborg yelled, as Robin fought back the cobwebs. He had to get out, before…

Nigel tore across the open space and leapt. Too late.

For a kill, as the black energy hand tore from the ground, seized Nigel, and smashed him into another subway car, every window on the car shattering at the impact. Even as Nigel tumbled off the vehicle, another black hand seized the car, lifted it up, and smashed it down on the alien with a wrenching shriek of metal that rang across the repair yard.

Robin pulled himself free from the car that he'd been trapped in, even as Raven appeared from the shadows.

"…we better step back." Cyborg said.

"For now." Robin replied, as Raven floated over to the wreckage. Her black and white cloaks flapped in the wind, slightly obscuring the S traced onto the back of her outfit.

A clawed hand punched out through the ruins. Raven said nothing, even as she held out her own. White energy lines flowed out, forming into a cruel sword that was overlaid with black energy.

Nigel tore himself free from the crushed subway car, cocking his head as he regarded Raven. She wasn't much to look at these days.

The spell that had failed to kill Nigel had brutally scarred her face, half of it almost melted off her skull. It made the blazing, seething fury in her eyes seem even more demonic.

"_**I OWE YOU PAIN."**_ Raven whispered.

Nigel leapt towards Raven, as she swung her blade up and cried out in a tone that rattled through Robin's heart, mind, and soul.

It would not be the last time he heard it.

* * *

"_No, stop it. Stop! I don't want to see any more. No more!"_

"_**Understandable."**_

"_If the rest of the worlds are like this, you can leave right now Stranger. I don't want to see them."_

"_**The worlds are simply what they are. I cannot control what…"**_

"_Move on. But like I said, I get any inkling this is going to keep repeating and I quit. Sorry, I don't want to seem ungrateful. But I mean it."_

"_**Well then, let us cast aside the mists and see what comes next…"**_


	9. Part 8: Different Wings

No Gauntlet: Different Wings

"_**Robert Candide…"**_

"_Oh god, no. Skip it. I don't even want to know how bad this is going to be."_

"_**You may be surprised."

* * *

**_

_Uberton._

"Prithee wait, milady!" The Bard protested, waving his hands around frantically. "I hath come up with a bargain most just!"

"Uh huh." Amy "Paragon" Erickson said. She wasn't paying much attention to The Bard: she'd brought him in at least 10 times and his story and gimmick never changed. How he thought he could get ahead in his ridiculous (albeit true to life) costume and a gimmicked lute was beyond her.

"In days of yore, a song well sung and a story well told were worth a night's lodging!" Surely though must concede that a tale well spun here and now wouldst be worth the price of mine ransom!"

"You really don't…"

---------

_**In a time remote, in the realm of New Jersey, a god named Pangloss granted a great boon! A weapon of terrible power and potential. He chose not a great knight, a noble king, or a wisen wizard, but instead to bestow it on a girl most humble…!**_

"_Mortal!" Pangloss thundered, wreathed in an ethereal light as he stood in front of the house. "I am Pangloss the Mighty! The ancient guardian of a power beyond mortal ken!"_

"…_the bleep?" Latrisha Dryce said._

"_Before you ask, and I __**have **__been asked before! No, you are not on drugs! No, you are not in a coma and having a hallucination! This is no dream! I, PANGLOSS THE MIGHTY…!" Pangloss declared, thunderbolts exploding behind him. "Am standing before you in reality! After a long and intensive selection process, I have decided that YOU, LATRISHA DRYCE, are the chosen one of ancient prophecy! You will wield the greatest of gifts, the staggering power of the Gauntlet! But first! Do your parents keep beer in the house?!"_

"…………_THE BLEEP!?!?!?!" Latrisha said._

---------

"Yeah yeah…" Paragon said, dragging The Bard behind her.

"Ah, but this be no mere fable! Tis the unvarnished truth, milady!" The Bard protested.

"Yeah right. If that's the case, who is this Latrisha and how do you even KNOW about it?"

"Milady Paragon, oh beauteous woman of crimson tresses, mine enchanted mandolin doth give mine eyes sight beyond mortal sight!"

"Interesting. There's still no way I'm going to let you go. Deal with it."

"Wait wait! Perhaps one story be not the price of a ransom fair, but perhaps if I tell thee a story close to thy life?"

"You really don't…"

---------

_**Once, long ago, a wicked merchant prince married a woman free of all vile urges save lust. These urges, combined with the wicked merchant's ways, drove her unto the bed of another for spite and respite of his ways! Alas, her end was bad, for he was far more wicked than she had thought! Her end was sad and tragic. However, the merchant had earned more trouble than he knew…**_

"_Roger Candide." Maxwell Collins said, sitting at his desk, his hands steepled before him. "I did suspect you might be able to track it down to me."_

"_Collins, if I couldn't, you'd have never seen the bullet coming." Roger said, his spy/battle costume having seen better days. His gun, however, worked perfectly fine. "See, you didn't just hurt me. If you'd come after me, I might have forgiven it or seen it as political maneuvering. But to go after my wife…to cost my unborn son his life…that was too damn far. See, you thought you were invincible. You aren't. Sure, you might be able to bribe some judges, or hire a high price legal team that'd see the trial end ten years after you were dead. But…you attacked the head of BULWARK. And in this day and age? That is an act of domestic terrorism which, under your friend and mine the Patriot Act, means that you are basically my bleep. I've got it all planned out. A year in Gitmo to soften you up, then we start the interrogation in a secret prison in a country you've never heard of and, more important, has never heard of you. This? All of this? You won't ever see American soul again, my friend, much less anything you've ever tried to build for yourself. Your assets are already seized. Under some obscure World War II laws that were never officially taken off the books, every asset of Collins Corp is now the property of the US government, and we don't owe you a damn cent because you're a domestic terrorist. But here's the real kicker. That son of yours? We did the tests. Turns out he's MINE, you impotent bastard. Yeah, that's right. Let it sink in. That means I'm going to raise your heir to hate you and everything you EVER stood for."_

_The silence in the room reigned for a moment._

"…_you really believe this is how the world works, don't you Candide?" Maxwell said. "You also seem to believe I would do anything without back-up plans. So allow me to inform you how it's really going to happen."_

_Maxwell leaned forward, placing his elbows on his desk, though he kept his fingers steepled._

"_Firstly, you have seized every asset in THIS country. This factor will swiftly become irrelevant as you have just lost your job. Half the Senate are personal friends of mine, and some important committee chairs went to school with me. They've already been informed of this…breech of justice. They, and the media, will crucify you. It will surprise you and every last BULWARK agent out there to know what's been done in your name these last few weeks by my…contracted employees. Trying to arrest a respected American businessman, stricken with the recent and untimely death of his wife, will just be the icing on the cake. Then, once the name Candide is a slur for tyranny, your little old parents will die. It will be relatively painless. Then, your pretty little wife will die. It won't be painless, because it's much easier to stage unpleasant incidents like a combination murder/gang rape for someone her age. Then…well, everyone up to second cousins ALSO dies. Even the family you've never met. And this, I might add, is just with the money in my Swiss accounts."_

_Maxwell paused to take a drink of water._

"_Once I'm reinstated, my powerful friends will go to work saying that BULWARK is a useless drain on the deficit and a stain on the national honor. You'll be lucky if you aren't brought before the International War Crimes Courts. Yes, that is correct, you'll still be alive. What else…ah yes. Your wife's family, those silly little 'ninjas'? I do happen to have…empowered friends, of the superhuman variety, who have already found them and can eliminate the whole clan single handedly. They'll die knowing that you killed them by association, in addition to torturing your wife."_

_Another drink. Maxwell Collins didn't speak at length often. Normally a few words served. As a result, it dried his throat easily._

"_And then I suppose, you will die. When everything you've built is reduced to ash, sitting in a prison in Switzerland, waiting for the representatives of dictators to decide whether or not you violated human rights. I haven't quite decided how I'll do it yet, but why remove all the spontaneity from one's plans? Much more interesting if there are some challenges left." Maxwell said._

_Roger was silent._

"_You do not win, Roger Candide. You are deluded, like so many of your ilk." Maxwell said. "What I enjoy most is how easily I can predict you. You never do the obvious thing. Because I know your type. Oh yes, you may threaten me with the Patriot Act and all the laws you want, but you still follow them slavishly. It's why you're in government and not business. Business has been deciding where the real power lies since Europe began slaughtering itself in its world wars. You believe the law applies to everyone. It does not. Men like myself make the laws. You dance to them. And if need be, we cut the strings. That is the way the world works, and that is how it will always work. And I know Noel isn't mine. Why do you think this hell has been brought to you?"_

_Maxwell finished his water, placing the empty glass down._

"_Or you can turn around and leave, and live with this. Which is what you will do." Maxwell said. "You will take what I have offered, and you will live knowing I will not be punished for the vindication I awarded myself for your idiocy. You will see my actions every day when you look at your wife, and know there is no recourse. Perhaps you'll even have the extra bitterness of knowing you did what you did with my wife under orders, as part of some cover or plot that likely hardly seems worth it now, while Crystal chose to do what she did thinking she could somehow use it to level a challenge against me. She could not. You can not. You will live the worthless life I give you. And you will understand then. You have nothing. You ARE nothing. And to all the agents behind you? They'll understand too. You do NOT cross the true power in this world."_

"…_I'm not as helpless as you think, Collins. I have an ironclad case against you." Roger said. The agents behind him did not share his apparent confidence, as they looked around nervously. "Everything __**you **__have is smoke and mirrors. __**I **__have a decade's worth of plots tied to you."_

"_And that's what you will make it all the better. You are factually right, Mr. Candide. That's irrelevant. It's been irrelevant ever since this country championed itself as throwing off British shackles when in reality they were torn to pieces by precise British military retaliation, which would have brought them to heel had a French blockade not saved them. The same French who they now lambaste as cowards and failures in war, I might add. The truth is not what matters. It never was." Maxwell said. "What matters is power. You have your big guns, but I control whether or not you get to keep them. I'll never see trial because you because you won't have time with defending 'BULWARK's' 'actions'. And I think…just to ensure that NOTHING you've done will have lasting importance to the world…that Noel Collins will die this week. It will be another fine emotional point when I testify about the 'big bad government agent' picking on the innocent God-fearing patriotic self-made American man. And…"_

'_And' was the last word Maxwell Collins uttered in this lifetime, as Roger drew his sidearm and emptied the clip into Maxwell's center of mass. And Roger, God help him, enjoyed the look of surprise on the downed Collins' face before he'd obliterated it with another fresh clip's worth of bullets._

"…_CONTROL THAT." Roger rasped, lowering his smoking gun. After what felt like an eternity, Roger composed himself, holstered the pistol, and turned to face the slack jawed BULWARK agents behind him._

"…_he reached for a gun." Roger's voice, cracking slightly, still carried the weight of an order. The agents nodded, understanding. "Well, STOP GAWKING. I want all the security tapes for this office deleted, I want a gun purchased in his name several years ago and with his fingerprints in this office yesterday, I want everyone in the intel division on double overtime tracking down every frameup he's done of us, and I want MY friends on Capitol Hill notified that I'll be calling in some favors. And find Noel…Candide. Tell him he's coming home."_

---------

"And so, Roger Candide slew the evil merchant prince with his trusted weapon, the famed Eagle of the Desert! However, Candide found that Prince Maxwell, like all wicked men, could not be taken as his word. The wicked merchant prince's threatened counterattack was virtually naught but trickery and deceit. While Candide was robbed of his manly and righteous satisfaction, he did succeed in saving his first and last son from Prince Maxwell's clutches! For a good warrior like Candide prizes family before all else, and would leave none behind no matter the cost!"

"………oh sure. Nice story there Bard. Its only flaw is being total nonsense!" Paragon yelled. "Everyone knows Noel was Roger's son from his first marriage and that he met and married Miho after his first wife died of ovarian cancer! And Miho's sterile because she was in a car accident, not because some businessman attacked her! Did you really think that your stupid plan to tell stories to get free was going to be HELPED by you making up stuff about my boyfriend?! Jeeze. Thank god the paddy wagon's here." Paragon said, as she began dragging the Bard towards it.

"Nay milady, I speak truthfully! Though must…another story! Yes! One more should earn me freedom!" The Bard babbled, even as Amy opened the doors on the holding vehicle. "It is the ballad of a warrior princess who sought the hand of a prince in marriage! But the prince's heart was hard to her, although she tried for nearly two and twenty months! At last, the wise King gave her a challenge: she could have the prince's hand if she could best his greatest enemies in a public joust! But this is no mere story of the past, I cannot finish it yet as it is still coming to pass! Lady Paragon, if thou wishest to hear the end, though must let me stay free! I…"

The door slammed close, finally cutting the Bard's voice off completely.

"Makes me miss the Riddler. At least his nonsense made sense if you thought about it long enough." Paragon said, and flew off into the sky.

* * *

_Jump City, California._

It had been right in the middle of a debate over the greater merits of pepperoni or sausage when the bomb with the comically large fuse landed in the middle of the table.

"…is this part of the meal?" Scalpel asked.

"DUDE, NO! RUN!" Beast Boy yelled, leaping up as he spilled his soft drink all over himself.

In the end, it wasn't necessary, as a yellow force hand lanced out and clamped over the bomb, hence ensuring it just destroyed the table and the meal.

"…I swear, I think my life was less troublesome before I joined your bleeps." Latrisha Dryce said, checking her golden shirt and armored pants for any stains.

"…my Meat Lord. Whoever did this will pa-!" Was all Cyborg got out before an unseen assailant slammed a blow against the back of his head. The attacker, dressed in a complete ninja suit, leapt off and went for Starfire, only for Raven to throw up a protective black wall first. The ninja slammed into said wall, falling down as the Titans dog-piled onto him or her.

It took them several seconds to realize they were now pounding on a log.

"Brushogun?" Starfire asked.

"Whoever it is is quite rude to interrupt a meal!" Pantha said, slamming a fist into her other hand.

"Not Brushogun. Someone new." Raven said. "Whoever it was, I have a lock on her aura now. I'm tracing her to…"

---------

"This warehouse." Raven said a few minutes later, pointing at the building in front of her.

"This smells an awful lot like a trap." Cyborg said.

"Shall we call Robin?" Starfire asked.

"He would have contacted us if he felt it was needed." Morgue said, drawing a gun. "Until then, if our mystery attacker went to all this trouble…"

"It'd be rude not to take her up on it!" Latrisha yelled, charging forward as a yellow energy shield formed in front of her.

"Trish be careful…!" Cyborg said, but Gauntlet ignored him as she bashed the door down.

The only thing Latrisha got to see before she was blasted back out the door was that she had been confronted with a cannon. Not a generic large gun, a literal 18th century style cannon. Had she had another half-second, she would have seen the quick moving figure in what appeared to be an old style military uniform.

She didn't, and hence said figure darted back into the warehouse. Gauntlet, meanwhile, crashed to the ground near the Titans, the iron ball that had slammed into her rolling off and past the rather surprised group.

"Oh, she did NOT JUST SHOOT MY GIRLFRIEND IN THE FACE WITH A CANNON!" Cyborg raged, converting his arm to sonic cannon mode.

"Uh, I'm alright…" Gauntlet said, dazed.

"IT'S THE PRINCIPLE OF THE THING!" Cyborg yelled, charging towards the warehouse.

"Bleep. Who's in charge when Robin's not here?" Beast Boy asked.

"I'll assume command." Raven said. "Okay, follow him in. We can't afford to let him get cut off until we know what we're dealing with."

The Titans listened, making their way into the warehouse after Cyborg. Much to most of their lack-of-surprise, it was now largely empty save for whatever crates it held. Even the cannon had disappeared.

"Okay, who are you?" Cyborg snapped, his shoulder flashlight snapping up as he panned it around the building, his teammates gathered around him. "I wanna know who's getting a sonic blast up their…"

The sudden spotlight blinded the Titans for several seconds. By the time their vision had recovered, the figure had moved in front of it, her form silhouetted in the illumination.

"Who am I?"

The Titans stared, as they realized the girl was dressed, in all things…in a paramilitary uniform. With a beret. She snapped a salute at them.

"At times, the bomb chucking revolutionary, Anarchist Fuji!"

Only Raven was able to follow the girl as she moved: the rest of the Titans had to follow her lead as the girl vanished and Raven swung around. The girl was now on the catwalks on the other side of the warehouse, and was once again in the ninja costume.

"At times, the dark warrior of the night, Kunoichi Fuji!"

The girl performed another warping shift, right down in front of the Titans. This time, she was dressed…like Napoleon. Complete with the hand in her shirt.

"At times, the general whose reach exceeds her grasp, Napoleon Fuji!"

This time, the Titans had had enough, and those with projectiles blasted them at the girl. She leapt over the attacks, and the Titans, with immense grace and speed, landing down onto the other side of them.

"But my true form is…!"

In a whirl of clothing, the Japanese girl was revealed in a black sailor fuku with white trim. She had long black hair, a modest figure, and a childish face. She smiled gleefully as she struck a dramatic pose.

"THE WARRIOR OF LOVE, MAGICAL GIRL FUJIKO!" Fujiko declared, as fireworks and a radiance of rainbow colors appeared behind her.

"…bleep. I must be high." Latrisha said.

"…she has very nice legs, but I question her mental state." Starfire said.

"I'm questioning MINE." Morgue groaned to herself.

"AND NOW…NOW…now…um…oh, what was that line…" Fujiko said, as the fireworks and rainbow colors abruptly disappeared. "Oh pooh! I'd gotten everything right up to now!"

"Actually everything went completely wrong when you blew up my lunch, and THEN my PMSing girlfriend! TITANS GO!" Cyborg yelled, and the group charged in. Well, except Gauntlet, who whacked Cyborg over the head.

"OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?"

"Do I blurt out YOUR personal problems, jackbleep?" Latrisha cursed, and joined the charge.

"Ack! Eek! Rude! I must-ack!" Fujiko babbled as the Titans split up and closed on her from all sides. "FUJIIIIIIIIII HENSHIN!"

"What?" Scalpel said, as with a flash of light, Fujiko's outfit abruptly altered into a generic blue boiler suit lookalike. Beast Boy, however, recognized it.

"Oh no."

"_Omae wa mo shinderu."_ Fujiko said.

"GET HER!" Gauntlet yelled.

"WAAAA-TATATATATATATATA! WAAAAA-TATATATATATA! WAAAAAAAAA-TATATATATATA! WAHHHH-TAAAAAAAA!" Fujiko cried, as the Titans found themselves walking into a blur of fists and feet that sent them all flying to every corner of the warehouse.

_**FIST OF THE NORTH STAR! HUNDRED CRACK FIST!**_

"KENSHIRO FUJI!" Fujiko thundered, and struck another pose…as the energies surging around her shredded her top and left her completely exposed.

"Eeek! Fuji Flash!" Fujiko yelped, frantically covering herself.

"While they are very nicely shaped, girl of enchantment, I am afraid we still have to pound your donkey." Starfire said.

"Not like that!" Fujiko said. "I knew I should have practiced that one! FUJIIIIIIII HENSHIN!"

"Oh fun. I see what we're going to be doing here." Raven said, as Fujiko vanished in another blast of light. "Everyone get ready!"

"RAMBO FUJI!" Fujiko declared, re-appearing in camo-fatigues, camo-paint…and a chain gun that was bigger than she was. She aimed the weapon at the Titans.

"Suddenly, I prefer the cannon." Gauntlet said.

"Ol' Painress!" Fujiko yelled, and her gun began to spew bullets.

"THAT'S THE WRONG MO-ACK!" Beast Boy yelped, turning into a mouse as bullets tore over his head.

* * *

"So, are you SURE you don't want to go down there and help?" Robert Candide said.

"At the moment, I don't think it's necessary." Robin said, sitting in his chair in front of the Titans' main computer system, watching the battle via devices in Cyborg and the Titans' communicators. "She attacked nearly the whole team, and since she doesn't strike me as a tactical genius or a bloodthirsty lunatic, I think I can stay here. Besides, someone has to watch the Tower and host our visitors."

"You could do well to learn from him, Robert." Kory Anders said. Robin glanced at the girl, again marveling how much she was like Starfire. The hair, the voice, the mannerisms, everything was the same, except for the fact that she was human. Well, and also six months pregnant, but Robin tried not to hold that against her.

"Hey, I'm sure he has a reason to be so distrustful." Rob joked.

"Somewhat. Our enemy Slade tried to put a mole on our team once, an earth-controller named Terra. She caused us a lot of trouble." Robin said. "She realized where she'd gone wrong in the end, but that was after she accidentally touched off a volcano. She overloaded her powers to contain the eruption and ended up a stone statue. Since then, we tend to be very careful when we get unexpected guests. Even if they dropped out of the sky and onto our table while we were having lunch."

"Heh. Sorry about that." Rob said.

"Better then the time you landed on a fence, honey."

"Yeah, that. Ow."

"So…what exactly are you doing? Jumping from one world to the next, each time hoping to discover the world you lost forever?" Robin said.

"Psht, NO. You think I'd take my pregnant fiancé on a trip to another dimension without a sure way home?" Rob said. "I met some guys who did that once. That's where I got the idea for my machine, actually."

"…wait…" Robin said, recalling his own odd experience. "Was one sort of like Marty in _Back To The Future, _with a black guy, short haired girl, and fat guy along?"

"Those were the ones. They showed up in my dimension a couple of times, gave me some points, but they weren't quite the same after they lost the fat guy." Rob said. "So, I don't exist here, you say?"

"You're not in our records. We found your parents, but they seem to have another son. Sorry." Robin said.

"Huh, well, this is less disorientating than that one universe…"

---------

_Flashback!_

"Wow, a hole just opened up in reality! Just like in that show, Sliders!" Peter Griffin said.

---------

_Flashback!_

"Boy, this world where the dinosaurs are still around still isn't quite as bad as the last world." Marty Mcfly-type said.

---------

_Flashback!_

"We abolished money in the 1970's. Now our only currency is…FUNK!" The local said, as he began dancing.

"…I think this show isn't quite the same social commentary it used to be." Short-Haired Girl said.

"You kidding me man?" Black Guy said, dancing up a storm in the background. "In this world, I'm finally a millionaire!"

"Well at least this isn't as bad as…" Fat Guy said.

---------

"I GET IT! You can STOP now." Robin said through gritted teeth. "And no more damn Manatee jokes either."

"So…I am from another species here." Kory said, clearly looking to change the subject.

"Yeah. Is that not common for you?"

"I wouldn't know. This is only my second trip." Kory said, sipping her tea.

"Yeah. I usually don't look at where my family and friends wind up in alternate dimensions. It's…depressing. Like the Naziverse. Or the Sovietverse. Or the universe where civilization was destroyed and they rebuilt it on the basis of the _Hostel _horror films…" Rob said, shuddering.

"Well, you've seen a lot. Any advice you'd want to offer?"

"Don't base your society on bad horror movies?"

"Besides the obvious."

"Well no. I'm not omniscient, and I can only travel to the same world in different time periods. This is only world ten of the trip. If I can make it back here after, say, a hundred, ask me then."

"Well, I suppose…" Robin said, before a buzzing alerted him. He turned back to the computer, typing.

"Problem?" Rob said.

"Communicators just cut out entirely." Robin said.

"Due to the battle?"

"I don't know…it's unexpected. Maybe I better get down there after all." Robin said. "Please try not to make me regret trusting you."

"Good luck, Jason!" Rob said. This made the Teen Wonder pause.

"…Jason?"

"Oh, you aren't Jason Todd? Sorry, you reminded me of that guy. Y'know, that adopted kid who inherited Wayne Enterprises? He's backing my whole project."

"…huh." Was all Robin could say, as he resumed running off.

* * *

"Cyborg, I believe that my shots are having more trouble beyond anything on my part!" Starfire said, throwing repeated Starbolts at Fujiko even as she spoke. Her assessment was accurate, as despite her massive gun and the fact that she hadn't seem to move at all as she sprayed the warehouse with bullets, all of the energy blasts missed Fujiko.

"It's not just you!" Cyborg said: he was locking on and he was STILL missing. His latest sonic cannon blast followed the trend, even as Fujiko laughed merrily over her gigantic, fire-belching weapon.

"Dude, of course it isn't! Bullets never go anywhere near those types of heroes!" Beast Boy said, dropping down near Cyborg.

"Then we switch tactics. Scalpel, Gauntlet! Close in!"

"With PLEASURE!" Gauntlet yelled, running in with a shield ram, feeling bullets ricochet off of it. She grabbed up a crate with another strand of energy and threw it at Fujiko, who blew it out of the sky. But that gave Scalpel the time to leap out of the shadows and hack the end of the gun off.

"All right! Let's kick some bleep!" Gauntlet said, forming a giant fist. Much to her aggravation, her PUNCH missed too. Fujiko was leaping into the air, even as she dropped her wrecked gun.

"FUJIIIIIIIIIIIII HENSHIN!"

"Oh no, what now?" Scalpel said. Fujiko landed, now in white robes with a katana.

"SAMURAI FUJI!" Fujiko said, jumping forward to attack Scalpel. Scalpel blocked the slash, spun off it, and swung out with his glaive, planning to break the sword. Much to his surprise, despite his type of blow and his not-unnoticeable strength, the weapon held.

"Hah! My weapons are as limitless as my imagination!" Fujiko said, her blade becoming a blur as Scalpel was forced on the defensive.

"Odd. Considering your demeanor, they should be like balsa wood." Scalpel snarked.

"Oh, you're almost as mean as Ku-sama!"

"Oh no, we are not pulling this wanna-be anime crap!" Gauntlet cursed, running in from behind as she formed her own sword. Fujiko blocked her attack with a behind-the-back defense, before she leapt once more. Spinning, she became a whirling dervish, her sword somehow countering all the blows Scalpel and Gauntlet threw at her. By the time the pair realized Fujiko was staying in the air FAR too long, Fujiko had spun around Gauntlet and kicked her in the back, knocking her into her alien teammate as the team crashed into another group of boxes.

"Wanna-be nothing! This is real anime crap!" Fujiko said.

"I am going to hurt that girl more than I hurt those bleeping racist bleeps." Gauntlet snarled.

"Okay girl, if you wanna cosplay, you're facing someone who's on another level." Beast Boy said, landing and turning into an orangutan. "Let's see how well your sword can stay in your hands."

"And what he misses, I shall not." Pantha said, approaching from the other angle.

"I am sorry, but I am much stronger than I look." Fujiko said.

"That is MY line!" Starfire yelled.

"Oh so sorry. FUJIIIIIIIIIIIII HENSHIN!" Fujiko yelled, her body transforming in another white flash.

"I will not let her complete the transformation!" Pantha declared, charging forward. She ran right into a leather boot, which lifted her up off the ground and then smashed her back down, shattering the wood floor and sending Pantha plummeting into whatever lay below.

"RIDER FUJI!" Fujiko called, now dressed in an armored motorcycle riding outfit, before an insectile helmet appeared on her head.

"Oh no, not again." Beast Boy said.

"RIDER KICKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!" Fujiko yelled, leaping and knocking Beast Bout out of the boots he no longer had.

* * *

_Elsewhere._

"Hah! Atlas has your precious female robot! She serves me, as she should!" Atlas thundered, glaring down at the people in front of him.

Metatron motioned to yawn, briefly flicking his eyes to the spherical yellow energy cage that Viridian was trapped in, and then to his erstwhile teammates, the Elementals.

"You got a plan?" Scorcher asked.

"Hmm, I'm lost. It's times like these where I wish we had some sort of way of fighting robots made of delicate, flammable machinery. SOME strategy we could use to deal with it quickly, and effectively. Possibly with the use of massive heat. Maybe with a pyrokinetic. Or even a Heat Demon to be really wild about it!" Metatron said. The Elementals did not say anything back, awaiting to see what the strange chaosling would do. His words did not always match his actions. "Sadly, no such things are to be found here. So! I fall back to the always good plan of talking him down reasonably. That never fails!"

"No talk! The time has come for battle!" Atlas declared, as several female robot drones assembled around him. "You wish to fight me? You're not the brightest."

"You won't know what hit you! In the slightest!" Metatron said, striking a simultaneous pose with the Elementals behind him. They had not intended to do that, but when Met had done it, they had felt the compulsion to mimic, and had done so, perfectly.

"Plasma ball girls! Take these suckers out!" Atlas said, leaping up as he and his female backup formed energy balls and leapt up as well, firing them all at the same time.

"Let me tell you what it's all about!" Metatron replied, he and the Elementals standing their ground. "You and your plasma balls, and your enslaved robot chicks! You're talking the talk and it's all pretty slick!"

Metatron and the Elementals all crossed their arms in front of him, and the plasma balls struck and dissipated against a shield of rock and fire.

"You think you're so great, but you're missing the point." Metatron said, pointing his fingers at Atlas in a gun motion, all of the Elementals following suit. "You gotta have friendship, and courage, and whatever!"

"…that does not even RHYME!" Atlas yelled.

"Shut up!" Metatron replied. Gigantic plant roots erupted from the ground, seizing Atlas even as jets of water fired out and knocked away all his robotic aides.

"This is impossible! How can this be?!" Atlas bellowed.

"Open your eyes up…" Metatron said, charging forward as all the Elementals pointed at Atlas, leaping into the air. "MAYBE-YOU'LL-SEE!"

The golden-energy mist blast slash punch knocked Atlas' head clean off. Metatron landed lightly on his feet, before sprinting off beneath Viridian as her energy prison vanished. While Viridian didn't need to be caught, Metatron did it anyway.

"…ya know, you keep doing this Adam, and people are going to think you are a couple." Scorcher said.

"…we are a couple?" Viridian said, looking at Metatron.

"Sure we are! A couple of friends!" Metatron said, grinning.

"…agreed."

A moment later, Atlas inexplicably turned into money.

* * *

"Well it took you long enough! Where were you, in the can?" Gauntlet chuffed, talking to Raven as she appeared out of the shadows.

"Sorry. I was attempting to get her style of magic down. It's somewhat complex." Raven said. As she spoke, Fujiko kicked Cyborg into Pantha, and as Morgue opened fire on her afterwards she preceded to dodge all of the rotund super heroine's shots before charging. She closed in on Morgue, leapt up, clamped her ankles around Morgue's head, and spun and threw the vigilante with her legs, Morgue crashing into Starfire and sending them both down as well. "But I believe I have properly assessed it."

"Hey, I was wondering where you'd gone!" Fujiko said, looking at Raven. "I thought I'd blown you up or something!"

"Better men, and women, and THINGS than you have tried." Raven said laconically.

"So, you think you've figured me out, huh?"

"That's what I said."

"Want to explain it to me? I've never met anyone who could."

"…surrender, and I will." Raven offered.

"Nope, sorry, I made Mr. Sloan a promise, and I'm nothing if not a woman of my word!" Fujiko declared, running towards Raven. The sorceress promptly seized the Japanese girl in black energy claws.

"Fine then. I'll just peel your energies away until I find whatever magical artifact you're using to power your…"

"FUJIIIIIIII HENSHIN!"

"That won't wo-eeerrrkrkkkk!" Raven stammered as the white light broke her power, knocking her backwards into Cyborg. "God damn it, this is why I hate rushing my work."

"COWBOY FUJI!" Fujiko said, landing back down, now dressed up as a cowboy. She yanked twin revolvers out of her belt, spun them a few times (albeit in opposite directions), and aimed them at the Titans.

"…dude your old gun could shoot a thousand times more bullets than those, what are-ACK! EEK! YIKE!" Beast Boy yelped as Fujiko opened fire and found that the bullets were changing direction in mid-air to better hit the target.

"They're no-aim guns! Great idea, huh?" Fujiko said.

"NO!" Gauntlet yelled, throwing a crate at her. Fujiko jumped through the air in a sideways cartwheel, dodging the attack and firing at Gauntlet all the while. Only a few shields saved her from becoming swiss cheese.

"Everyone's a critic!" Fujiko said.

"What fresh and creative dialogue!" Gauntlet fired back.

"Thanks!"

"We're going to get killed by a shortbus magical girl." Raven muttered. "This isn't going to be one for the scrapbook."

* * *

It was a quiet street, which didn't really mean much when you lived in Uberton, but Noel Candide took them where he could.

"City of the dead…at the end of another lost highway…" Noel sang/hummed to himself, his book bag slung over his shoulder. He paused to look in a street window at his long red hair, gauging if he should cut it soon. For now though, his ponytail seemed to be working. "Signs misleading to nowhere…city of the damned, lost children with dirty faces today…no one really seems to care…"

The window in front of Noel exploded outward, glass falling on the sidewalk as he stopped.

"…well that was a nice eight minutes." Noel said. He had an odd sensation of déjà vu as he looked at the broken window, before shrugging and creeping over to where said window had been broken as carefully as he could to peer into the store.

"HA HA! I, BUZZ BOMB, shall rob this delicatessen!" The man in bee-themed armor declared, branding one of his trademark explosives. Fortunately, his bombast was too loud for him to hear Noel's groaning.

"Why? Isn't there a jewelry store RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET?!" The deli clerk said.

"Ah, but I am hungry." Buzz Bomb replied, not having an inkling Noel was there as he snuck away.

"Where'd I put that damn ski mask…" Noel said, digging through his pockets. "Damn it. Must have left it at home…sigh. Guess I'll have to use the costume Mom knit…"

"You see, it's pointless to plan to rob a jewelry store on an empty stomach! I shall sit here, and take a sandwich, AND EAT IT, while taking advantage of the free Wi-Fi your store foolishly offers! Using this, I will research the jewelry store, thus giving me the information I need to rob it efficiently!"

"Wow. I bet Fantastic Max is shaking in his boots at the threat you pose to his supremacy among robbery plotters." Noel said, now in the doorway. "Go away Buzz Bomb. I like this deli. Go mess with that place down the street, they must put rats in the meat or something."

"Ah, Scout! My one true enemy!….BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Buzz Bomb laughed. He had reason to: Noel's makeshift costume, far different from the usual BULWARK battle outfit he wore, looked like a ninja costume had mated with a superhero one, and then had someone put the wrong soap in the wash. "YOU LOOK WORSE THAN NARUTO! At least he had the sense to have his suit be half-black!"

"Yes, enjoy yourself Buzz. Pretty much the only part of this you will."

"Hark mine enemy I…!"

Noel/Scout's body disappeared, Scout reappearing behind Buzz Bomb and grabbing him. A shimmering blur later, and Buzz Bomb was stuck in the nearby brick wall. Scout re-appeared in front of him, letting a brick-shaped segment that Buzz Bomb had displaced when Noel had stuck him in the wall fall over with a loud crash.

"And we're done. I think this was a new record." Scout said. "Really, aren't you tired of this Buzz Bomb?"

"I was not after you this day, Scout! But know this; I am not as helpless as I appear!" Buzz Bomb said, jerking up his arm to fire the laser blaster on his cybernetic glove. He just hit the opposing wall, as Scout teleported around it, teleported next to Buzz Bomb, and teleported his right hand glove off of the insectile villain and onto his own arm.

"Are you done now?" Scout said, aiming the laser at Buzz Bomb.

"Very yes." Buzz Bomb squeaked.

"…you know Bomb, your expertise would serve the UBPD bomb squad much better than it being wasted in this constant vicious cycle we're in."

"But where's the fun in that? Mark my words, Scout, one of these days I shall be the victor! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"And by victor, what do you mean?" Scout said, sitting down in a nearby wooden chair.

"I shall know when I get there!"

"So what? You'd kill me? Or wound me so grievously I could never rise again? Because that's pretty much the only way you'd ever stop the cycle."

"Don't knock the cycle, man. It's fun." Buzz Bomb said.

"But how long will it be fun?"

"Ugh. I wish I had a nemesis who just went along with it." Buzz Bomb said. "I'm getting a cramp."

"The police will be here to cut you out soon. And you should know very well why I don't. Remember what happened to Dr. Mayhem?"

"Something about YOUR MOM!" Buzz Bomb said. He was lucky Noel did not break the chair over Buzz Bomb's head: instead he just stood up and used Buzz Bomb's laser to slice a leg off it before picking it up.

"Take that back right now, or this ends up inside your left lung." Scout said, his modicum of good humor gone.

"Oh right, you're one of those people who take it literally." Buzz Bomb said.

"Would YOU like it if I spoke in such a way about your mother?"

"Dude, nobody actually means it. But I apologize. Please don't introduce foreign objects into my lung."

"Right…" Scout said. "…now, getting back to the original topic…"

"Oh please, just let the police arrest me! I can't take the sanctimonious blather!" Buzz Bomb complained.

"Fine. But just…" Scout said, as he sat back down in his chair…having forgotten that he'd sliced a leg off of it. Maybe he shouldn't have put the leg down.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Buzz Bomb laughed, as Scout lay on the ground and grimaced over the embarrassment. "SCOUT FALL DOWN! ONE DAY, SCOUT GO BOOM!"

"Not on my watch." Scout said, warping back up to his feet. "Just know Buzz Bomb, I ever catch an inkling of something like that, I will stop it in its tracks. And if you ever stop me? Well, you'll have my mom, my dad, his company, my friends in school, and my girlfriend to deal with. And I don't know who would hurt you worse." Scout said, leaving the deli.

"You're no fun…" Buzz Bomb complained, shifting as best he could in the wall. "I think I'll mess around in Gauss Lad's turf next time."

* * *

"Raven! Your leadership is lacking certain qualities I would find admirable!" Starfire called from above, dodging bullets as Fujiko spun around, still firing her guns.

"I'm working on it…" Raven said quietly, blocking the shots directed at her with a shield that Scalpel had wisely chosen to hide behind.

"This CANNOT be happening! We cannot be getting our asses handed to us by Sailor Malibu!" Beast Boy said, his voice muffled as he was a turtle that had retreated into its shell. "AND WHERE THE HELL IS SHE GETTING ALL THIS AMMO!"

"It's powered by her imagination. I don't think imagination has a clip." Morgue said.

"Indeed, Titans! It doesn't run out of bullets, because I don't WANT it to run out of bullets! So…!" Fujiko said, before the spinning red Birdarang flew across her gun barrels and sliced them both clean off. "Oh pooh!"

"Robin!" Starfire said, the Titan team leader dropping down from above.

"So, break your concentration and your invincible weapons become fragile. We have a plan, team!" Robin said.

"Nuh uh, not happening!" Fujiko said. "I've waited TOO long for my reward from Ku-sama to lose! FUJIIIIIII…!"

A black blast flew from Raven as Fujiko vanished into white light.

"And that will stop the transformations." Raven said.

"HENSHIN!" Fujiko yelled, revealed in her new form.

"…after this one." Raven groaned. The Titans goggled at Fujiko's new body, which was now twice as big as her previous ones, covered her in grey-green skin that was crossed with multiple stitches, and gave her metal bolts sticking out of her neck.

"MONSTER FUJI!" Fujiko yelled. "ARGH! BRIGHT LIGHT BAD!"

"LOUD NOISE BAD TOO!" Cyborg yelled, as he hammered a sonic cannon shot home. Fujiko staggered back before roaring and slamming her wrists together, and electrical bolts fired out of her body and around the warehouse. None of them hit home though, and some Starbolts and bullets distracted Fujiko more before the rest of the Titans laid into her.

"How do you want to play this, Robin?" Scalpel yelled, hanging off Fujiko's back as he tried to use his glaive to choke her out.

"That's easy! Break the knees, then break the neck!" Gauntlet yelled.

"No Gauntlet! Being an idiot isn't a crime! Bring her down gently!" Robin said, before he threw a freezing disc at Fujiko's leg, encasing the limb in ice.

"You want to call me an idiot? Fine. Just remember, I'M STILL FIGHTING YOU ALL BY MYSELF AND WINNING!" Fujiko bellowed.

Black energy claws seized Fujiko's wrists, binding them together.

"Not any more." Raven said.

"ARGH! FUJIKO SMASH!" Fujiko raged, and brought her remaining foot down onto the ground as hard as she could.

As it turned out, that was too hard. The entire floor shattered, the shockwave of the blow slamming into the walls of the warehouse and the street below it, and before the Titans could react the entire building was collapsing, the broken ground transforming into a makeshift sinkhole.

"I wish today had been Ribs Day." Cyborg lamented, and then the rubble consumed him.

* * *

Out of her costume and in a stylish red and white jacket, jeans, and furred boots combo, Amy Erikson sat on the park bench and waited for her date.

He showed up literally the second she put her arm on the bench, phasing into existence next to her in his own jeans and jacket.

"Yatah." Noel smirked, as Amy started backwards at his sudden appearance.

"A teleporter? Holding out on me?" Amy said teasingly.

"Well you wanted to know what the powers were. Just waited for the right time." Noel said, looking up at the sky. "Can't go far though. At least I won't accidentally warp into anything, a risk a lot of teleportation powers run. I also have a sixth sense for danger. It's how I kept that paint can from falling on your head in the seventh grade."

"What paint can?"

"Exactly." Noel said, plucking a snowflake out of the air and tossing it in his mouth. "So how was your day, my dear?"

"Ohhh nothing special…" Amy said, wrapping her arms around Noel and leaning in. "Well, I wound up fighting that Bard weirdo. It was really easy, but then he started saying these weird things. First about some woman named Lafonda or something I've never heard of, then about you. Something about Mr. Candide killing your birth father. Crazy, huh?"

"…what?" Noel said. "God, I think whatever implants he got to manipulate music is frying his brain. Well, could be worse. He could have started blabbing about the 'special outfits' you sometimes wear for me."

Amy blushed deeply at the thought. "So, what's the plan?"

Noel peered into Amy's eyes, and for a moment considered telling her the truth. That however the Bard knew it, what he'd said about his father, and the bastard he'd murdered to get him, was true. And the other secrets. Like how his powers weren't normal, but the end result of an attempted coup against his father that had involved him being kidnapped and experimented on to create an empowered sleeper weapon. Or that his lineage had earned him two mortal enemies who'd tried to kill him on his 20th birthday, and how Noel really knew that all the ninja and spy training had taken when he'd phased his hand through their bodies and messily killed them, and felt nothing but dim regret that it had gone that far. Or the others, maybe not as bad but with their own particular cruelty or bitterness.

So many secrets. All lives had a price: this was his.

But he could have had it worse.

"Oh…a little song, a little dance…" Noel said, leaning into her ear. "Events that don't involve your pants…"

"You're incorrigible, Mr. Candide." Amy said.

"You're the one who wanted to try it while flying." Noel replied. Amy silenced his perversions with a kiss.

* * *

The piece of metal and the rubble on top of it crumbled to the side as Starfire pushed herself out from under it.

"Friends? Are you all right?"

"Yeah…yeah Star pretty sure we are." Beast Boy said, emerging from some more rubble as a rat. "Takes more than a collapsing building to do in the Teen Titans."

"…hey Pantha. You all right?" Cyborg said.

"Did you forget about me? I almost dig my way out, and you bury me again! This team needs to give me more respect!" Pantha complained.

"We'll put it on the itinerary, Pantha." Morgue said, re-appearing from her cluster of bats.

"I do not know what that word means!"

"That might be best."

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh…" Fujiko groaned where she lay, now back to normal. A shadow fell over her. "Uh oh."

"Are you hurt?" Robin asked.

"FUJI HENSHIN!" Fujiko called out in a panic. Nothing happened. Raven's spell was holding.

"You know, a less polite person would punch you for that stunt." Robin said.

"Um…heh heh heh. If I could, I'd be making a white flag right now." Fujiko said. "I guess I'm not getting my date with Shiro now…"

"Probably not." Robin said, as he sprayed a quick mist into Fujiko's face, causing her eyes to roll up into her head and pass out. He stood up, pocketing the neutralizing chemical. "Next time guys, maybe we should just order in. Is everyone here? Where's Gauntlet?"

"I'm trying to find her. Her artifact causes interference at times." Raven said. "But she's a tough girl. I'm sure she's fine."

* * *

Raven was correct: the collapsing building had been little more than an inconvenience to Latrisha Dryce.

The dart that had hit her neck as she'd dug her way out was not. Before she even realized what had happened, the chemical agent had paralyzed her, clouding her mind and rendering her unable to use her power. She had been vaguely aware of being dragged away from the scene of the battle, down several sewer lines before coming to a stop.

"I really must apologize, Miss Dryce. There's nothing personal in this. Yet, anyway." Slade Wilson said. "I simply feel that my reputation with the world has suffered too greatly due to my interactions with your teammates, and yourself, to let it go. Something must be done, and unfortunately for you, you are the key."

Latrisha Dryce, Gauntlet, tried to fight through the fog in her head, making sense for what was going on. She wondered where her teammates were. She wondered if she should be afraid.

"Some might say this is the cowardly way, working through that foolish, lovesick girl. I say when you can use ninety percent of your grey matter productively, you quickly figure out how to use everything to your advantage. Even something as simple as your apprentice's hanger on."

Latrisha felt herself being picked up. She tried to scream, to smash Slade into a wall, to do anything, to not be HELPLESS…

"So you can go to the great beyond knowing this, Miss Dryce." Slade whispered into Gauntlet's ear. "You were brought down by a carefully laid plan and not some random fluke."

With one quick, precise jerk, Slade broke Gauntlet's neck. The spinal cord severed instantly, death following swiftly on its wings.

Even as Latrisha's last breath left her, Slade seized the ring on her finger, the skeletal glove on his own hand oddly mirroring it, and sent his will out through it. The air buzzed and howled, and the rocks surrounding Slade all suddenly cracked, and Slade Wilson felt like someone had stabbed a knife into every cell in his body…

But the Gauntlet came off.

Slade pushed Latrisha's body into the filthy water running at his heels, looking at the ring before he put it on.

The Gauntlet. An Old One artifact. By itself, it made a mighty warrior.

But the Old Ones had made more than just rings. But for anything else to work…you needed one of said rings.

Now Slade had one.

The last part of his collection.

Slade turned around, as the multiple segments of armor in the crate he had nearby lit up in his vision. He could hear the Gauntlet calling to them, the overwhelming power.

The _**power…!**_

---------

The Titans felt the earth begin to shake, and Beast Boy vaguely wondered if Terra had somehow come back.

* * *

"…_that was a dirty trick."_

"_**It is merely what occurred. Perhaps I should remind you that Pangloss still exists here, and he would not take kindly to his 'ward' meeting the end she did."**_

"_That was still a damn, dirty…argh. Just…arggghhhh."_

"_**We have almost reached the end. Do you really wish to stop now, because of bad possibilities left unrevealed?"**_

"…_I made it this far. Let's keep slogging."_

"_**This is not a punishment, Noel Collins."**_

"_Nothing worth doing is ever without that."_


	10. Part 9: And All A Good Night

No Scalpel: To All A Good Night

"_**Nigicalnack Hastionfarlock. Nigel Hastings. Scalpel."**_

"_Right, the 'monster'. I bet all the idiots we locked up tonight would think a world without him would be a great thing."_

"_**Do you?"**_

"_Of course not. There's more to being a monster then how your visage presents itself."_

"_**How true. How true."

* * *

**_

The man was Robert "Gauntlet" Candide, but you wouldn't know it looking at him. For one, Robert Candide would never be caught in the cheap suit the man was wearing. He also lacked Rob's rich black hair, instead sporting a poor dishwasher blonde comb over. His chin was weak, his nose hairs were more obviously visible than any person would probably like, and acne had left its mark on the man's features. Anyone who was watching would have had to look very close to see where the truth lay, and Gauntlet had no intention of letting anyone get close enough to do that.

He didn't think anyone was watching the house (and Rob was good at telling these sorts of things), but the disguise would hedge his bets. Rob dragged the suitcase filled with vacuum parts up the stairs to the small apartment-based housing and rang the doorbell.

It took a long time for someone to answer, so long that Rob almost panicked and kicked the door down. Eventually, though, Rob heard multiple locks disengage before the door partially opened on a chain.

Penny Johnson had seen better days. Her brown hair looked unwashed, and her fresh face had dark circles under its eyes. At first, Rob was glad she didn't have any signs of injury, but that didn't last long.

"…I'm sorry, I'm not…"

"Are you sure young lady? These vacuum cleaners will make your house smell of elderberries!" Gauntlet said.

"…Rob. I thought it was you." Penny said. Her dull tone and lack of sparkle in her eyes immediately told Rob the best case scenario was already off the table.

"…is someone with you?" Rob asked.

"No…it doesn't matter." Penny said. "My sister's in the hospital. Some thugs took a baseball bat to her."

"Oh bleep. Is Karen okay? Wait, dumb question, you know what I…"

"Stop babbling." Penny said. "If you really cared for her, you wouldn't go around loudly declaring your real name to anyone who listened. She should recover…but we don't know how we're going to pay the bills. My dad's been fired. He was embezzling money, or so the company said. They haven't charged him yet, but it looks like they're going to."

"I…here, the JLU has a general superhuman health plan. Just give them this card and there shouldn't be any questions asked."

"I don't want it."

"But…"

"Smokey's dead, Rob. I came home last night and found him hanging off my Christmas tree. Gutted. I got a phone call ten minutes later. It said they don't know if they're done yet. Lot of 'gifts' to give out." Penny said.

"…I guess 'I'm sorry' isn't going to cover it."

"…just leave Rob. Maybe whoever you bleeped with will lose interest. Or maybe the accidents will actually start happening to you." Penny said. "Don't come back. Ever."

"I…I didn't mean for any of this."

"You wanted to be a hero, Rob." Penny said. "Hell is for heroes. The world is run by the devils who send them there. I know that now. You can't change it."

The door closed quietly. In the end, Penny didn't even have the energy to slam it. Rob heard a multitude of locks snap shut, and found himself standing on the doorstep for a long time after their noise faded.

He wasn't sure if he walked off carrying the case to keep up his disguise or if he was just in a daze. After a few blocks though, he finally disappeared into an alleyway.

Gauntlet emerged from the shadows, now dressed for business. Said business outfit was not a pair of jeans and a white T-Shirt: instead it was a loose grey full-body costume, with occasional yellow highlights, though the G symbol on his chest remained. His lower face was masked, a hood over his head hiding everything else save his eyes. Anyone who saw him would have immediately compared him to what he was.

Robert's mother had been a true ninja before his birth. Elsewhere, she had mostly given it up. Not everywhere, though. Not everywhere.

Gauntlet scampered up the wall like it wasn't there, taking to the rooftops. He had debated what he was about to do for a very long time. He no longer had any doubts.

And as he ran, he remembered.

* * *

"**Welcome to Leaps of Faith. I am your host, Terry O'Donnell. The topic tonight is Metahuman Vigilantes: Required Or Relic?" Terry O'Donnell said. Some people might have aspired to more than having a local late-night discussion show, but Terry didn't think it was too bad a life. It paid the bills, anyway. "In recent times, many events have occurred around once-beloved superhero team the Teen Titans that has once again brought this issue to the forefront. Is a superhero team who sets up shop in a city worth the downsides of their protection? Joining me in this discussion is local attorney G. Gavin Gunhold, high school principal Sean Hopper, and head of the new SCDU organization **_**Golden Silver **_**Duilio Lycus. Mr. Gunhold, since you were one of the main voices supporting the…"**

"**Hold it right there O'Donnell, don't try and sway the issue before it starts." Gunhold said. "Really, the issue is fairly clear. It can be summed up in two words: Titled Events. How many times have the Titans nearly caused our city to be destroyed? Superman has operated in Metropolis for over a decade, and you don't see any local events in history with titles like The Final Night and The End of Metal."**

"**You know what city does have Titled Events? Gotham." Hopper replied. "The Contagion. The Cataclysm. The War Games. Why is Gotham still standing, not abandoned and left to become ruins? Because Batman and his ilk insist on staying to protect it. They may not always succeed, but they are not gods. Without them, yes, one could argue that no Events would have come to their city, but one could argue at the same time that said Events might have just spread beyond one city."**

"**So now you want us to be the pawns to be sacrificed on the world stage?" Gunhold said.**

"**I did not say that. Don't put words in my mouth."**

"**No no no, no need. Here, I'll take some words out." Gunhold said. "Crime statistics have remained virtually the same ever since the Titans set up operations here. In fact, studies have shown that the Titans have not actually stopped any crime. Instead, they've forced it to adapt to their actions. Made it harder for proper law enforcement to do their jobs. And put men and women at risk who wouldn't have been before if they hadn't gotten involved."**

--------------

"_Okay, it's our bi-weekly meeting. Or tri-weekly. There's an I in there somewhere, anyway, calling roll. Is anyone NOT here?" Robin asked._

"_Nay." Starfire, Beast Boy, Raven, Cyborg, Terra, Savior, Morgue, and Gauntlet said._

"_Okay then…anyone have anything to report?"_

"_Yes, can we PLEASE do something about Rob's crazy stalker?" Terra said._

"_Hey! Hey! Noriko is not a stalker." Gauntlet said. "She's just a dedicated fan. She latched onto me after we stopped Slade from making her Apprentice Kurai 2.0. I'll get around to letting her down softly soon."_

"_Right, anything else BESIDES Rob's lack of love life?"_

"_HEY! What about Penny?"_

"_You've had two dates with her. That doesn't count." Savior said._

"_Well I got something." Cyborg said. "Maybe. I don't know."_

"_What is it?" Morgue asked._

"_Well…it seems like there's been some issues in our prisons lately. Accusations that people are turning themselves in and testifying against people who they supposedly don't know. Well, that's what some criminals in jail are complaining about: they were framed via this process. But…that doesn't make a lot of sense. The people who 'made up' these stories are still criminals. Their testimony isn't going to get them off the hook. It's like they WANT to go to jail."_

"_How did you find this out?"_

"_Well, there's this guard I know, and he was talking about how these 'rats' were coming and certain gangs were accepting them. Prisoners HATE snitches. Yet instead of mass murder via shivs, we're getting this instead. Hell, there's been reports that contraband operations in prisons have even increased lately."_

"_That IS odd. Think it involves mental manipulation? Psimon pulling some stunt?" Savior said._

"_Maybe. Might just be a string of coincidences." Cyborg said._

"_Well, why would someone lie about knowing someone to send them to prison?" Terra asked._

"_Perhaps it is a sacrificial maneuver?" Starfire said. "These so-called strangers go to prison for their crimes, but those who they testify against likely get more time. It could be a way to eliminate certain criminals."_

"_Star, these are criminals. Anyone who's smart enough to try and stunt like that isn't going to be screwing around with the riff-raff." Savior said._

_Noel Collins had been very very wrong._

--------------

"**I mean, if these children really want to help us, there are much better and safer ways to do it." Gunhold said.**

"**Oh, so send them through the army then? Beat all the spirit out of them, chain them to a rigid procedure? I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but when you can fly and walk through walls, there's a certain imagination needed that military training doesn't care for at all. It could be cutting off our noses to spite their faces."**

"**I didn't say that, Mr. Hopper. There's more ways to help with their powers than to just break things." Gunhold said. "What about the energy talent of the one called Savior? It can interact with nervous systems. He could have revolutionized neurosurgery, and instead he uses it to throw vehicles around. Hell, lawsuits had to be launched against the team primarily because of improper use of technology which did not belong to them."**

--------------

"_Whoa. Cy is TICKED." Beast Boy said, as he sat on the couch and watched his friend pour over the large amounts of paper that had arrived in the mail this morning._

"_I noticed. WHY is he ticked?" Terra said._

"_They're legal papers." Robin said, popping up behind the two. "Someone is trying to file claim on our tech. Well, the tech that Cyborg either inherited from his dad or built himself."_

"_WHAT? Can they DO that?"_

"_In straightforward terms, no. Which is why they tend to bury cases like this in endless paper and Byzantine loopholes. Try and force a settlement." Robin said. "I took a look, there are some gray areas in regards to things Silas Stone may have done while constructing some things, whether or not it applies to some agreement he had with a company that was recently bought out by another company. They claim that Silas was under contract to give them fifty percent of his designs and that they're retroactively claiming all the 'reneged' amount. There's also a mess over inheritance based on whether Cyborg is still Victor Stone due to factor this and legal nonsense that. We can hopefully make it go away, but it's the type of thing that raises blood pressure."_

"…_they can't like, steal Victor from us, right? Since he's MADE of a lot of that tech."_

"_That, Gar, is why I became a superhero and not a lawyer." Robin said. "I think fighting evil demi-gods is less painful than dealing with such nightmares like copyright law."_

--------------

"**I mean, please, can we not dance around this? These children, well they're not children any more, they have been breaking the law ever since they started. They are not licensed to enforce the law, they were not trained to enforce the law, they are taking the law into their own hands. Now, yes, so are Superman and Batman, but Superman travels all over the world, and Batman's base of operations has never been discovered. The Titans lived outside our city in a giant building shaped like a letter, and entered to arbitrarily insert themselves into the legal process where they were not invited or welcome." Gunhold said.**

"**So you're saying we should have just let the various empowered humans and creatures run roughshod over our city and have our police force die in scores trying to stop something that is out of their pay grade." Hopper replied.**

"**Of course not. I don't resent them the lives they save, the destruction they prevent…but Mr. Hopper, you should know well what happens when you allow children an inch. Our laws are in place for a reason, and children, even heroes, unrestrained by a system of checks and balances, cannot lead anywhere good when all is said and done."**

--------------

"_Put your hands up." The policeman said. Morgue's mask did not hide her confusion._

"_Wait what? No no officer. I'm Morgue. The hero. This is Billy Numerous, the member of the HIVE. With the rap sheet. You know, the criminal."_

"_I know that Morgue." The police officer said, as several others joined him, guns drawn. "However, you're also being charged. You and all the Titans."_

"_With WHAT?" Savior said, dropping down._

"_Multiple counts of reckless endangerment, trespassing, MANY counts of destruction of public property…"_

"_You must be joking." Savior said._

"_Yeah! Come on! We're the good guys! The Titans! We…save the day…" Morgue said. The police officers did not lower their guns._

"…_you're going to regret playing it this way." Savior said, and before Morgue could react he grabbed her and yanked himself out of the police's line of fire. Several shot at him anyway as he fled._

"_Noel, what the hell!"_

"_Gustavson." Savior growled._

"_What? What does the mayor have to do with this?"_

"_Come on Morgue! The cops suddenly try and arrest us after years of handing criminals over, testifying at trials, and visiting police hangouts? After we get a new mayor who ran on the typical tough on crime platform? What do you THINK caused this?" Savior snarled. "Well, if he thinks he's going to make political hay at our expense, he's got another thing coming!"_

"…_but…isn't he technically right?" Morgue said._

"…_Morgue, you're a smart cookie, well when you're not being flustered by being abruptly dragged away from crime scenes." Savior said, heading back to the Tower. "There's the letter of the law, and then there's the spirit. And the day I let some yahoo use the courts to play political games is the day I hang up my jacket and start dating Gauntlet."_

"…_you're not g-"_

"_EXACTLY!"_

--------------

"**Mr. Lycus, we apologize, we've been excluding you somewhat. How do you wish to weigh in on the issue?" O'Donnell said to his third guest.**

"**Well, as Mr. Gunhold has said, I do respect what the Titans have done for this city. However, I really found they can't do enough." Duilio Lycus said. "They can't be everywhere at once, and they're not always here either. Sometimes, they run off to involve themselves in other matters, like the incident in Light City. It leaves Jump City exposed to the possible predations of the enemies and criminals that have sought out Jump, either for their own reasons or possibly due to the presence of the Titans. I wanted to, at least, provide an alternative to their presence when they were occupied. But my company is not one to do things by half-measures, and if what has occurred is due to that…maybe it's for the best."**

--------------

"_They did WHAT?" Robin said, sounding more confused than outraged._

"_Yeah, whole Hive attacked. It was a madhouse." Beast Boy said. "But before things got really bad, the Neutralizers arrived."_

"…_so…what, these are…guys in mech suits? A bunch of second rate Cyborgs?" Gauntlet said._

"_They're not random dudes off the street. They're police, ex-military, those sorts. I thought they were going to be a bunch of red-shirts who would make things even worse. But they weren't." Beast Boy said. "They beat back the attack, and then took the Hive apart. They didn't even lose one of their members. I was amazed."_

"…_why didn't we hear about this?!" Cyborg said, oddly cross._

"_We've been occupied." Savior said, his tone grim._

"_But…this is a good thing right?" Terra said. "Yeah, we'll check them out, and if it's an evil plot we're stop them, but if it isn't…we could always use more help, right?"_

"_I've got a bad feeling about this." Robin said._

"_I'll keep an eye on the moon, Han." Gauntlet said, but even he felt the joke fell flat._

--------------

"**Indeed, once the system was properly able to express itself, didn't things start going better?" Gunhold said. "The incident with the HIVE finally showed that we don't need amateurs, sorry, **_**non-professionals**_, **running around the city and causing as much trouble as they solve."**

"**The Titans have stopped at least a hundred and fifty separate threats, and without losing a single member in any of them. I would hardly call them lacking in professionalism."**

"**But that's the thing, Mr. Hopper. By law, and by the system, they are. They were just never called to task for it." Gunhold said. "Look at what happened once the SCDU was established and a closer look could be taken at the Titans. They were operating under a mountain of buck passing, looking the other way, and taking the simpler route. In a way, it's better that official organizations uncovered how weak they were. If one of their enemies did it, the result could have been far worse."**

--------------

"_WE'RE BEING KICKED OUT OF THE TOWER?!" Terra yelled, said tower vibrating from a brief earth tremor._

"…_they cannot do this! This is our home! They cannot take our home away!" Starfire said._

"_Let me see those papers." Savior growled, snatching them from Robin. "Blah blah legal ownership of land yadda yadda failure to pay entitlement fees something something…you can't be serious. Someone couldn't have just bought this land out from under us! We OWN it! Well Cyborg does, what the hell Victor!"_

"_My attention's been too divided…couldn't keep up with everything…" Cyborg groaned._

"…_all right…crime becoming more elusive, supposedly fake criminals selling their allies out and sending them to jail, a whole new organization dedicated to fighting crime that's 'officially' a part of the police department, all THIS bull bleep, I don't have to be a genius to figure it out." Savior said._

"_We are being attacked. In a very subtle, and potent fashion." Raven said. "I would almost admire it for its ingenuity, if it wasn't causing us such trouble."_

"_What do we do?" Terra asked._

"_We do what we always do. We fight back." Robin said. "Even IF we have to move out of this Tower. It doesn't make a house a home, we do. Let's get ready to burn the midnight oil, Titans. Someone's coming after us, and we're going to meet them head-on."_

--------------

"**Heroes are not just in place to cut a colorful figure and have, regretfully, large destructive fights." Hopper said. "Their actions do more then protect a city, they can inspire it. Look at what Superman did, soon after his appearance. At how many have followed in his footsteps."**

"**But who elected Superman to do that? No one. He chose to do so himself." Gunhold replied. "I've spoken many times already of the possible troubles the Titans bring. The public was given their options when it came to the Titans and more stable options like **_**Golden Silver**_**, and they made their choice. If the Titans don't abide by that choice, then they really don't protect or inspire anything. They just do what they want."**

"**The public's will is fickle." Hopper said. "Oftentimes, it's not what they see that matters, but what they don't see."**

--------------

_At the time, Gauntlet had been reminded of an old familiar sight on the playground. The one clueless kid who, when he tried to play a game where people pretended to have powers, claimed to have all the powers that had already been listed, except better. Clueless egocentrism from a developing mind, which would hopefully develop A clue as they grew up._

_In reality, it wasn't much fun._

_They had no idea who the person was. Its costume was designed in such a fashion that they couldn't even determine gender. They'd thought they were getting somewhere in their investigation, finding the puppet master behind all this…and then the person had appeared._

_It was like that child had grown up and somehow achieved his or her dream. The person seemed to have endless powers. In no time at all, they'd wiped the floor with the Titans._

_And then they'd left. All without a word._

_At the time, Gauntlet had thought of a kid on a playground. It had struck him as comically absurd._

_The humor died rapidly, because that had been the trigger for the gloves to REALLY come off._

--------------

"**Do you honestly believe what they were accused of? Seriously?" Hopper said. "It seems strange that after trying so hard to protect us, that our heroes would end up in bed with the people they were constantly protecting us from."**

"**Who can really say if you know someone? Especially people who are superhuman." Gunhold said. "The Titans were supposedly mortal enemies of Slade Wilson, Deathstroke the Terminator, yet some accounts have seen them WORKING with him. You really can't tell what these so-called heroes are thinking, most of the time. Maybe once the ability to play things on their terms was taken out of their hands, they decided they didn't want to play by the same rules any more. Which simply demonstrates that everything that happened to them was for the best."**

"**Assuming any of it is true."**

"**Truth is not what you want, it simply is." Gunhold said. "They had a good run. Did some good deeds. But so did Hitler when he was rebuilding Germany. No one either noticed, or ignored the warning signs about that before it was too late. If they ARE innocent, then it will come out. They're too smart for it not to, aren't they?"**

"**Have we not then, tried to fix a wound to the foot by cutting off our leg?"**

"**I don't know, Mr. Hopper. All I offer is my opinion. The real judge is history." Gunhold said. **

"**And what do you think history will say?"**

"**The Titans made their choice. No one made it for them."**

--------------

"…_this can't be happening." Beast Boy said, sitting on the dirty bed in the cheap hotel room, his face in his hands._

"_Several eyewitnesses and forensic evidence. I'd say they could make a pretty strong case for the opposite." Savior said._

"_WE DIDN'T DO ANY OF THIS! CAN'T ANYONE RECOGNIZE A FRAME-UP WHEN THEY SEE IT!?" Beast Boy yelled._

"_Eyewitnesses makes it harder." Cyborg said._

"_THEY'RE LYING!"_

"_Likely. That's not what matters." Raven said. "After the way our reputations have been torn to shreds, it's far too easy to make the case that we've started being hypocrites as well."_

"_We taking this to court then?" Morgue said._

"_Not a good idea." Cyborg said. "From what Raven and I gleaned of the evidence and witnesses, it's right down to our word against theirs. The right lawyers, and it's pure Fatty Arbuckle. The truth won't matter, just who can make up the most tasty lies. We'd be ruined."_

"…_we are not being…manipulated mentally, are we Raven?" Starfire said._

"_I checked that repeatedly Star. No. This is completely out of our hands. And whoever's playing…Robin, tell them."_

"…_Blackfire was attacked in the prison she's in. She's in critical condition." Robin said._

"…_well that's bad, sorry Star, but…what does that have to do with us?"_

"_By itself, another tragedy. But the private school I once attended…just suffered a tragedy. Gas explosion. Or so they claim." Robin said._

_The Titans were silent. The dots were beginning to connect._

"_There was recently a mass shooting in a CollinsCorp facility. Done by a disgruntled ex-employee. Big mess over whether he should have been hired to begin with." Savior said._

"…_why is this happening to us?" Morgue said, sliding down on the ground and pulling off her mask. "We were their heroes."_

"_And now we're their latest fallen idols. Too bad, so sad." Savior said. "What's the plan Robin?"_

"…_we have to get out of here." Robin said. He did not sound defeated, but it was the closest most of the Titans had ever heard him to it. "Get a fresh perspective. Call in some contacts. We'll figure this out. I just hope we do it before something REALLY bad happens."_

"_What ELSE could happen?" Terra said._

"_I have learned well, this unfortunate lesson of our lives." Starfire said. "Do not ask that question. You will not like the answer."_

--------------

And Penny. Sweet, kind Penny. Who's only mistake was loving a superhero.

Gauntlet didn't have love any more.

All he had left was hate.

And a goal. The Titans had been unable to nail it down, from all the chaos that had been inflicted on them…but they'd had a possibility. A slim possibility, that had to be handled carefully.

No more caution.

Justice would fly on bloody wings tonight.

* * *

The room was lit only by the moon, the figure in the chair looking out the floor-sized window behind her desk, a wine glass in her hand. Only moonlight illuminated the room.

The woman turned around just as Rob threw the shuriken.

It hit the chair just to the side of her head. The woman had turned in such a manner that her motion caused her to inadvertently (?) dodge the projectile. The fact that she didn't react to this near-miss was indication enough that it wasn't merely due to luck.

Gauntlet began to open his mouth…and stopped, his jaw hanging open.

"…Adeline Kane?"

"You made it all the way here, Titan. With murderous intent. Maybe you should not have been so hasty in assuming you knew all the facts." Adeline said. Her dark brown/black hair fell over one eye briefly before she brushed it back, still a good looking woman despite the passage of time.

For a moment, doubt, fear, and agony crashed through Gauntlet. All their work and investigation, and the Titans still hadn't wanted to make a move on their suspect. And now Gauntlet had done so, going where he knew he'd find them…and he'd been completely wrong. No grand mystery manipulator: the enemy was the ex-wife of their greatest foe, Slade Wilson. Occam's Razor had swung down, and it had…

…no. That couldn't be it.

"…no." Gauntlet said. "You're so damn smart to bring it to this, it wouldn't be past you to have cards up your sleeve even now. The way the chair's seat adjusts doesn't match your body's proportions. What's that, some stolen variant of our holopin technology?"

"…hmmmmm. Perhaps there is a brain inside your head after all." 'Adeline Kane' said, before her image vanished.

In its place, dressed in a fancy dark suit, Sophie Mathews tilted her head at Gauntlet.

--------------

"_Where's Gauntlet?" Terra asked._

"_He went to check on Penny before we go. I don't know if anything's going to come of it…" Savior said._

"_He went to check on Penny for over an hour?" Robin said._

"…_yes?" Savior said._

"…_I have another bad feeling. Kory, Gar, Steph, head out, see if you can find him. I just hope he's not in trouble."_

"_Aye aye captain." Stephanie Brown said, before she pulled the stitched mask of Morgue down over her features and headed for the nearest building, grapple in hand._

--------------

"…Sophie Mathews. The new scion of Jump." Gauntlet said. "You know, I was there. That day at the parade. When you made that speech as you started constructing the new town hall. We all were. We thought you might be behind all the bleep that's happened to us. And look. We were right."

"Death threats can change one's perspective." Sophie said, glancing sideways at the metal star that was still sticking out of her chair.

"…you know, what really gets me is WHY. Did you really want power so badly? Or did you just decide that you wanted to hurt us? It won't change what happens, but it'll make me feel better." Gauntlet said.

"Some of both, I suppose. Lust for power crossed my mind sometimes, flashes of revenge at others. I'm not perfect, and give in to my baser desires on occasion. Wrath. Vanity. Greed. Gluttony. All long time associates of mine." Sophie said, producing a grape from somewhere and dropping it in her mouth. "My vanity, trying to make me look as good as I can, always fighting against my gluttony, while my wrath is at odds with my greed, as anger doesn't make for good business. All in all, I think after all the flowery speeches, you were an obstacle that had to be removed, for various reasons of personal health, wealth, success, and several others I could throw out."

Gauntlet was the one who cocked his head this time, as Sophie ate another grape.

"…what interesting doublethink. Is that the word?" Gauntlet said. "Well, since I expected a more traditional speech, I'll make it for you. Here we have someone clearly smart enough to make the world her oyster."

"I did."

"YOU HURT MY FRIENDS!" Gauntlet yelled. "You framed your rivals with false witnesses, used said witnesses' time in prison to actually form new businesses and connections, screwed up our lives so we can't do our jobs, helped fund a new police force you control to not just replace us but to take care of the random criminal factors you couldn't control who would surge up in the supposed boom market, which would just make you MORE popular. All while playing the great philanthropist and heart of the new Jump City. You even managed to make it look like we'd fallen in with crime because of our down-turn. Yet all that wasn't enough. You hurt my friends! You hurt my girlfriend! None of that was needed, AT ALL! What the hell is WRONG with you?!"

"Well…if you really must know. Part of me is actually concerned with the quality of Jump. I loved this city, a few years back when I was a simple mortician." Sophie said, lifting a hand. Somehow the motion caused a faint light to illuminate the room. The new light helped illuminate how stunning Sophie Mathews was: she had nearly flawless skin, pale and luminous, her long hair a dark blonde/brown made soft by expensive shampoos, and her figure a perfect hourglass, though Gauntlet could tell that it was from a corset. "Then my brother arrived on the scene, and stole everything from under me. I could say I was corrupted by it, or forced, or co-erced…but in the end the only certain thing was that I became disenfranchised with heroes. They weren't much help with the smaller, subtler problems, as proven by the difficulties you're having legally at the moment. So when I decided to take back what I wanted, and after that, anything else I wanted, I knew I'd have to deal with you. So I did. In the end, you fought the good fight…but I've shown you're not good enough. Or rather, good enough to do the worst thing possible, which is be unpredictable and stick every finger you have in everyone else's pies. THAT, as I have learned, is bad business. So that's why. You were dangerous, at the end of the day, and most of the time had no idea what you were doing until you did it. You're doing it even now, running in here and trying to kill me."

"I'm not done." Gauntlet growled, a yellow blade shooting from his arm.

"Then why are you here? You're not wearing a mike or a wire to record anything I've said, and I've not said anything that can even be remotely construed as evidence, save motive. Though it is not like anything you say could escape this building, or anything you do could do anything considering all the people I've acquired in the city. The rest of the team isn't here, you're on your own, and your opening line was to throw a star at the chair." Sophie said, sighing as she picked up the letter opener from her desk and pried it loose, taking care not to touch it. "So yes, you are. You don't have the stomach for getting blood on your hands. That's why you tried to kill me before I could supposedly see you. So you could try and avoid the messy part. And now that you've failed, you're going to run off with your tail between your legs. And leave my city."

Gauntlet said nothing, as Sophie picked up her wine glass and raised it to her lips.

"Also, if you think I didn't notice the poison pellet you shot into my drink that you tried to distract me from by that more overt offense, you're wrong." Sophie said, and as Gauntlet's eyes widened Sophie tossed the wine glass aside. Flashing Gauntlet a brief, wicked grin, she opened her desk drawer.

"Do you know when I started to learn what I could do?" Sophie said, withdrawing a sealed, chilled bottle of wine among copious amounts of chocolates and snacks. She paused a moment, and then pulled out a box of mini-Yule logs as well, before breaking both open and pouring herself some wine from a new glass she'd produced from the same drawer. "I was in the morgue one day, when my coffee was spiked with blood. Can you believe it? I wasn't paying attention and all I know is that the blood was pooling on the table and spilled over. As it turned out, the man on the table had a dormant metagene. Probability control."

Sophie ate a Yule log.

"I won the lottery after that. Then a mugger who tried to rob me ended up with a hemotoma that killed him as he attempted it. Completely out of the blue, all of it. Luck had become my play thing, and it was an exhilarating experience. I started trying to figure out where it all came from. With luck on my side, well…to spare the details I garner the powers of anyone's blood I partake. I've picked up a few nifty numbers due to my luck: pheromones has been the hardest to get used to, while eternal youth hasn't. It's a godsend, as it were, and I find I enjoy all the suitors for my affections the pheromones bring, as I continue down the path of altruism and philanthropy. I suspect if you weren't wearing that mask, you'd be under my influence now as well. It doesn't matter. I picked up plenty of battle-ready powers too. But after you, you know that. I gave you a sample, during my flight of fancy."

"Your luck has to run out sooner or later."

"Perhaps. But yours ran out long ago. When all is said and done, your reputation is in ruins. Even if you win the law suits and find the court cases going your way, which is unlikely given what you have proven already, you will be left with the scraps of what was, never to be rebuilt. I think it's about time you retired, maybe get a nice beach house and live out your days in Uberton or Maine." Sophie said, sipping her wine. "I don't hate people, Mister Candide. I just…wish it hadn't come to this. But I play to win, and I give everything I have. _EVERYTHING._ And considering you didn't even know I was here until after I wrapped your gilded cages in iron chains…that is that. Now, I think in honor of surviving this 'terrible encounter', I will fire my personal trainer, binge eat for a week, break my corset by gaining twenty pounds, have an attack of vanity, go crawling back to my personal trainer, and buy a new corset. Have a safe journey home, and good…eve…ning?" Sophie said, feeling at her neck.

Rob arched an eyebrow, and then his eyes went wide as saucers as Sophie clutched her throat, white liquid beginning to leak from her mouth.

"…how did you…the wine…how…?" Sophie rasped. "Knew you were here before you got within a mile of me, how did…?!"

And at that moment, Rob's instincts warred. He was struck by a desire to help the choking woman in front of him, or to at least express concern and ensure that she didn't die without a friendly face. And then he remembered the look on Penny's face. The thought of a dead pet, tortured and mutilated. Penny's sister, who had made Rob cookies on his birthday, in the hospital with no way to pay for it. Penny's father, as good and hardworking a man as Rob had ever met, unemployed and ruined professionally for no reason other than his daughter's choice of a boyfriend…

Rob gave in to the baser desire to twist the knife. He forced the look of horrified surprise from his face, replacing it with a twisted smile. Walking over to Sophie, who was still gasping on her desk and starting to cough up blood.

"Told you your luck would run out. Tell 'em Robert Candide sent you."

"…not YOU…!" Sophie gasped. "NOT…KNOW…!"

"Hey, you're babbling. Take a nap and we'll talk later. Night night…!…night…" Rob trailed off. He'd seen her.

And then, emerging from the shadows behind the flailing mastermind came…Noriko Kurai.

Noriko, the master of poisons, whose family teachings were the basis of Rob's own earlier attempts to take revenge for his team. And the Kurai family always kept some of the best secrets of their craft to themselves.

Noriko, who Rob was convinced followed him near constantly.

Noriko, who had never given up on trying to get Rob to love her.

Rob's own words played through his head.

"_She's just a dedicated fan…I'll get around to letting her down softly soon."_

Noriko, who had done what Rob couldn't.

"Oh lord…the 0.07 percent…always so low, never thought the odds…99.93 percent of this not happening…hah…all dance in the end to…!" Sophie garbled, before all her words were completely replaced with choking noises.

Noriko, who'd gotten past Sophie's luck and knowledge. Been Sophie's X-Factor.

Noriko…who despite it all, despite his bluff that had too much of himself in it…whose actions he could not accept.

Rob knew this poison by its symptoms. Sophie had about three minutes after unconsciousness before she was too far gone to save via the antidote Noriko was carrying if she wasn't completely crazy. Which, at the moment, seemed like a big if.

"…Noriko…what did you do?"

Noriko giggled. Its tone was manic. "Well, she hurt you and your friends. And I knew you wouldn't be able to do the job yourself. So I helped you along, lover. No one hurts my man."

"…Noriko…I'm not your boyfriend."

"Surrreeeee." Noriko said, like she was telling Rob she accepted that he hadn't taken the last cookie.

"Noriko, give me the antidote."

"What, after all the work to poison the cow? You'd undo it?"

"I'm not like her! I want the option!"

"Okay, okay, sheesh. You're no fun." Noriko said, and tossed him the glass vial. Gauntlet had to reach back a great deal to catch it, the liquid almost slipping past his hands and hitting the floor anyway. "But I don't know why you care. I mean, she hurt you, she hurt that little slut you were wasting your time with, she hurt your friends. I'll trust you'll do the right thing."

And Rob realized that he was dangerously close to becoming the woman who stood in front of him, who claimed to love him.

But if he saved Sophie…

Sophie had said it herself. She played to win. This wasn't a carefully arranged frame-up of smoke and mirrors. This was attempted murder, no laughing matter under any circumstances, and considering the storm of legal troubles already facing his team, he doubted severely Sophie would show the slightest bit of mercy if such a smoking gun was handed to her. As it was before, they could abandon Jump City and start fresh elsewhere, maybe even make inroads to returning. But now…

He could hand Sophie enough ammo to win a war.

Or he could share a secret with a giggling lunatic who would do anything to get him to love her…and in doing what she had done, had ensured he never could.

Either Sophie Mathews died, or the Teen Titans died.

He had the antidote…

And if he waited too long, the choice would be taken out of his hands permanently.

And Rob thought, last year, this was the night his team had gone looking for a Christmas tree.

* * *

"_Enough. ENOUGH. I tried to stomach it, but it's too much, again. I don't care what choice he made, I don't want to know. It's over and done."_

"_**As you wish. And so, we finally come to the original offer."**_

"_I don't know if you have a ulterior motive, Stranger. But I'm not backing down now, after all of this. Let's go see what I did for the world._

_Hit me with your best shot."_


	11. Part 10: It's A Wonderful Life

No Savior: It's A Wonderful Life

"So, when precisely did you decide to become a superhero?" The interviewer said, as the camera panned in on Robert Candide.

"Well Nancy, I'd like to say I worked hard for years, honing my body to a state of physical perfection to combat the rot of this city. But…Jump City doesn't have a lot of rot." Gauntlet said. "I'm from Uberton, Michigan. It's not very rotted either."

"Indeed. Many attribute the lack of rot in Jump City to your work with the Teen Titans, who to this day remain the only superhero team on record to have worked themselves out of a job."

"Pardon?"

"Oh sorry, this is where I'll come in on the narration when we release the documentary. I say these things so I don't forget them." Nancy said. "Though it is true."

"Yeah…you know what I miss?" Gauntlet said. "I don't miss the big bads, like Slade or Brother Blood. I miss Gizmo and Buzz Bomb and everyone else on that dangerous, but not really vicious, level. You could have a good tussle with them and there weren't any real death threats against you or whatnot. But…I guess they all got smart. You know, I hear Mumbo's doing shows in Vegas? I'm happy for him."

"Gauntlet is not alone. Many villains…sorry." Nancy said.

"Go ahead."

"Many villains over the past several years have been permanently dealt with, in one form or another."

"Yeah. That darn Savior. He's always making us look bad." Gauntlet mock-groaned. In truth, he was kind of glad the superhero was so damn good at his job. Less mess for him.

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"And now, a worldwide exclusive." Cat Grant said, sitting in her usual spot on her world-famous TV show. "He's been called the 'Crimson Shine' and the 'Face of Tomorrow', and for the first time, he has consented to do an interview. Please welcome Savior the Devil Slayer!"

"Jack, please miss. That's what m'mother named me." Jack Djinn said. "Those other names mostly come from reporting. I'm honored by their titles, but they're just titles."

"And what of the title of 'greatest superhero who ever lived'?

"Now that's just too much." Jack said, his spurs clinking on the chair as he shifted his legs. "There's at least a dozen names ahead of mine for _that _one. Superman. Batman. I'm good friends with this guy, Flay, HE probably deserves a fair crack at that title too. Oh don't get me wrong, I kind of like it…but it's not all that deserved. I just did what I had to."

"Which, for the views at home, included not only defeating Trigon The Terrible, but the six other demon lords who have attempted to invade the planet in the years since. Hence your title of 'The Devil Slayer'."

"I just refused to give them anything, including an inch. Wasn't much more than that."

"In other news, Sav…Jack has recently become a bachelor again these past several months. What's the story there Jack?"

"Well, Raven and I, we had some fun times, but we decided our lives were going in different directions in the end. It was congenial. For now, I'm just enjoying the freedom of it. When duty doesn't call." Jack said. "I miss her at times. She was a fine bird."

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"Hmmmmmmmmm…hmmm. _Kat to naeso…"_ Starfire whispered to the baby in her arms. Jack 'Jackand'r' Drake dozed peacefully, his face scrunching up as he dreamed about whatever babies dream of. Starfire leaned her head back into the chair, resting for herself a moment. Jack's birth had not been easy, but he'd made it. Robin had named him after his father, who'd been proud of the child, hybrid alien or not. Then again, after Superman landed, such a concept had become more accepted on Earth in the twenty years since.

Starfire twitched her head, and a communicator floated over to her ear. She activated it with a voice command.

"…this is Red Dragon. Report?" Tim Drake's voice said.

"Tim, are you going to be home soon? Christmas is approaching after all."

------------

"Sure thing Kory." Tim 'Red Dragon' Drake, his fully red costume flapping in the wind. "Between myself, Robin, Nightwing, Batgirl, Azreal, Huntress, and Black Queen, we pretty much have all of Gotham locked down. I should be home soon."

"I hope so." Starfire said, signing off.

"And what was all that about not using duty time for personal business?" Stephanie 'Robin' Brown from where she was crouched on a chimney.

"Well…exceptions to every rule." Red Dragon said. "Besides, that was back in the day when Batman was firmer in his hand. Life's gotten better, so he's loosened up some."

"I suppose the Family helps."

"It does. Five years ago, Batman would have never let us patrol alone. Now he's staying home because he's considering proposing to Selina and letting us do the work. He trusts us. It just keeps going right, and I hope it stays that way."

"Nothing lasts forever, _Red Dragon_."

"Hey, YOU graduated to being Robin, it's not MY fault I couldn't come up with a better name. It's better than some names. I knew one superhero who tried to get away with calling themselves SPOILER…"

"THAT'S IT!" Robin yelled, as she hopped off the chimney and chased her partner around the roof.

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"How's the jets on the new outfit working out son?" Silas Stone said into the microphone.

"WHOOOO-AHHHHHHHHHH! AHHH! EEEK! BRAKES! THERE SHOULD BE BRAKES!" Victor 'Cybermax' Stone yelped, as he tumbled and veered all over the airspace above the empty field he'd taken off in. He'd done a lot to the mech suit his father had designed, the one Victor had put on to save his mother from an extra-dimensional creature and continued wearing as a superhero, but technology had finally advanced to the point where he and his father had added jets.

Victor was really regretting the decision. Sure, it would help in the good fight…but at the moment all it threatened to do was cost him his lunch.

"I think it needs more stabilizers." Elinore Stone said.

"THE WORLD NEEDS TO STOP SPINNING!" Victor yelped. It was right about then the jets completely cut out. "Crap. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The soft soil of the ground absorbed the fall. Mostly.

"My spleen." Victor groaned.

------------

"Uh huh, yeah?" Garfield 'Beast Boy' Logan said, leaning on the balcony of his Hollywood mansion. You wouldn't know it by looking at him, as his green skin and hair were gone. "More superheroing? Well yeah maybe, but I'm a bit cautious of it now, you know? Don't want to go green again, that could interfere with my career! They say I'm the hottest thing since Tom Cruise! And unlike him, I'm not gonna go…hold on, have another call."

Garfield dropped his phone while trying to switch it, and with a grunt of annoyance picked it back up.

"Hello, yeah? You want me to play what Murray?" Beast Boy said. "Jacob Black? Who the heck is Jacob Black? Uh huh…uh huh…uh huh…you say she spent eight years working on the book? Wow, she actually took classes to write it better? Sounds like a lot of work. Any good?…then read it! Tell me what you think! And check the fan base, I love my fans but I don't love tempting fate. Later Murray."

Beast Boy found himself dropping the phone again as he tried to switch. He cursed once more, wondering why they made phones so small.

"Yeah I'm back Victor. No, I'm not opposed. Let's get together, do lunch. Been a bit since we saw each…hold on, got ANOTHER call…" Beast Boy said. He managed to not drop the phone this time. "Hello? Hey Tara! How's my favorite queen?"

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"Work work work." Sophie Mathews said, sitting at her large desk as she repeatedly signed papers. Just another day for the head of the Mathews Foundation.

"You know you love it." Scalpel said, hanging off the ceiling by his feet.

"Go get another parade thrown in your honor or something, you attention bleep." Sophie said, grinning. Scalpel grinned back. It was nice to be loved. He'd worked for it.

"Anything interesting?"

"Oh just more deals with CollinsCorp. That woman running it is a real ball-breaker, but she's fair. Everyone thought she would ruin it when her husband prematurely died, but she did anything but."

"Much like you."

"Much like me." Sophie said, tapping her head. "Back to work. Work work work. You know between this and the somewhat dull small talk at all the philanthropy bashes I hold, I'm not sure what's more tedious. But hey, it helps people, and it's a living."

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"President Dibny, are you certain about this?" General Flagg said, as he and other important members of the Presidential cabinet sat in the various chairs around the Oval Office.

"What exactly are you having trouble with, General?" Sue Dibny, the current President of the United States, said. "Creating the Department of Magical Affairs, or who I chose to run it?"

"Well…both ma'am." General Flagg said. "Most of America still has trouble dealing with the concept of magic in and of itself, let alone that you're spending their tax dollars on a department for it. As for who you picked to head it…yes, I will admit to having reservations."

"Ithlian is a living aspect of a magical dimension that destroyed itself warring with the gifts it had. She's been sleeping on this planet for centuries, maybe eons, until the mis-use of its magical fields woke her up. She's more in tune with anyone when it comes to mystical weirdness, except for a few other people who didn't return my calls, and she wants to help. She doesn't want what happened to our world happen to hers. I think you can overlook the dress code for that."

"…I suppose it's not my area. But I'll be watching her."

"I would expect nothing else, General." President Dibny said. "Anything else on the menu?"

"Ma'am?" An aide said, rushing in. "News from Japan. The latest Ultraman has arrived."

"What? Oh no." Dibny groaned. "Here comes another round of giant monster battles faced by another rookie alien. Where's Seven? He needs to come back again, he always got the job done…"

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"Now this is an interesting case…" Dr. Sidlakus said, peering through the glass partition in the door. "This patient was dropped on our doorstep several years ago. No information was given, and we uncovered no records about him. An anonymous benefactor wanted us to treat him. It wasn't easy, as he was basically catatonic for his first few years. Even after he came out of that, he never spoke. Recently though, we've made some strides with expressive and animal therapy. We hope this will continue. A strong example that we believe there are no hopeless cases. Now, with this next case…"

The man in the cell never noticed Dr. Sidlakus and the training doctors as they stopped by. He was painting with a soft plastic brush, said painting an incomprehensible mix of reds and blacks.

"Mew." The black kitten emoted, jumping into the man's lap. He put down his paintbrush to pet the kitten, who settled down. This was the only option he had: he only had one arm.

With the kitten settling down, the man picked up his brush again and resumed painting, the black cat dozing and purring in his lap.

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"I'm pretty good around the mind." Raven said to the interviewer. "And I worked with Robert for a few years, as part of the Titans. Despite that, I never knew how we'd come back into each other's lives."

"Funny how it works, huh?" Rob said, putting an arm around Raven.

"So, what plans do you have for the future?"

"Well, I will admit we've been putting some thoughts into kids…"

In a flash of light, a strange glass machine appeared behind the couch where the pair were giving the interview. The two looked around, even as the camera shook a bit from the suddenness of the arrival.

"…mostly because this keeps happening." Gauntlet said, as a mohawked girl in a purple and gold trench coat forced her way out of the glass bubble she had been riding in.

"Mom, Dad!" Kyra Candide said, running over to the couch. "The Multiverse is in danger! I don't have time to explain!"

"Maybe we should continue this another time?" Nancy said, as Kyra grabbed her parents' arms and tried to drag them into the 'Glass Popemobile' time travel device. Gauntlet just chuckled.

"That's my life." Gauntlet said, as he was dragged off. "What can I say? I feel like the richest man in town."


	12. Epilogue: Silver Bells

Epilogue: Silver Bells

_One year ago._

Noel was vaguely aware of the snowflakes that were once again falling on his shoulders, but his primary attention was elsewhere. Specifically, on the inscrutable figure in front of him, once again floating at the edge of the roof, now that the trip was over.

Noel stared for a moment, crossing his arms slowly. He ran his tongue over his upper teeth, and pondered a few seconds more.

"…who are you?" Noel finally said.

"It is upsetting, I know." The Phantom Stranger said. "But you have seen much, Noel Collins. Surely now…"

"No no no. Shut up." Noel said. "I'm not buying it any more. Who are you?"

"I understand the rudeness from your likely displeasure, Noel Collins, but I remain, as always, a stran…"

"You are not the Phantom Stranger." Noel said. The Phantom Stranger was silent.

"You know, it takes a lot for me to be able to commit fully to something. I generally always have some doubt, or keep the possibility that I'm wrong in the back of my head. Oh yes, my personality suggests otherwise…but one shouldn't always judge what you see as what you get. But I'm certain here. You're a fraud."

The Phantom Stranger may or may not have narrowed his eyes, it was hard to tell.

"Shall I explain myself?" Noel said, raising a finger. "The first thing that really tipped me off was that world where all my friends were dead. Where Batman went nuts after training me. Something about that bothered me, and after a little thought, I realized just what. The setup didn't work. I hate to admit it, but yes, Robin's death could drive Batman over the edge. But I KNOW that it would only happen IMMEDIATELY after his death. After that, the possibility is off the table. That is the depths of Batman's strength. If he didn't go nuts then, he'd never go nuts, and certainly not after training me, whether I was a failure or not. And once I realized that error, my thought process began to turn."

The Phantom Stranger stayed silent.

"Once I started, the rest became pretty obvious." Noel said. "Because these really aren't, weren't, worlds where none of us were born. They were more like alternate universes which happened to lack a certain person. Oh, you could try and toss off stuff about ripples in a pond, but even that doesn't explain inexplicable stuff like gender changes. I suspect if you had really shown me ten worlds where each of us wasn't born, the differences would often be minute at best. But then again, that wouldn't be very interesting, would it?"

"I…" The Phantom Stranger said, and Noel preceded to live life very dangerously by holding up a hand to cut him off.

"Speaking of interest, another thing that becomes clear is how yours began fading. I suspect that when you came over here, you just wanted to show me a world without myself. But when I went in a different direction, you were stuck in the disguise you wore in order for me to go along with it at all. You had to show off a bunch of stories instead of one. And you quickly started running out of ideas. Began repeating yourself, re-using powers, fates, setups with minor tweaks, hoping that the strangeness or bleakness of it would distract me. And as for that LAST world…"

Savior blew a strand of hair out of his face.

"I could accept Jack becoming a hero. I could accept Gauntlet and Raven ending up as a couple. I could accept Gar's dream of being a star, Starfire actually able to have a human/Tamaranian hybrid baby, Batman becoming happy, all that, I could even accept a FEW of those things all happening. But ALL of them? Just because I was gone? I'm sorry, sir. That was when you finally ran with the pat hand too long" Noel said. "I suspect the way I asked for your gift had something to do with it. If you'd just shown me a world without me, the joys of it as would have been demonstrated with a more subtle hand, to properly assist in the undercutting of my ego and self-indulgence. But having to do all the others, you finally ran out of patience, and hence when you finally got to your attempted joke/lesson on/to me you just threw everything at the wall willy-nilly to overwhelm me, hoping I wouldn't call bullbleep. Unfortunately, I do. And even though I've never met him, I know one thing. The Phantom Stranger would NOT act this way. So who. Are. You?" Noel said. "…is that you, Larry?"

The grin split the features of the Phantom Stranger.

"…heh. You know, considering the sheer length of that stick up your ass, I'm amazed it isn't jammed into your brain and inhibiting your ability to think." 'The Phantom Stranger' said, as his form dissolved and whirled in a spiral of riotous color. When he reformed, he was far smaller, and wore a suit of clashing yellows and purples. His bowler hat had become a derby hat, and a shock of white hair now stood up on his head. "But no cigar."

"…Mxyzptlk." Noel said, now mildly surprised and alarmed.

"Oh look, the genius was even able to say my name right." Mr. Mxyzptlk said, as he placed a cigar (perhaps the one he was denying Noel) in his mouth. "Funny, you don't look as defiant as before."

Noel wasn't. He had been wrong after all: the being that had been showing him all the alternate worlds had not been Larry, who Savior suspected was a fifth-dimensional genie/imp, but Mr. Mxyzptlk, who Savior knew WAS, and also knew was…

"Darn tootin' I'm less chipper than Nosyargkcid, kid. Also yeah, you really should have known he wouldn't be patient enough to keep up the Phantom Stranger thing as long as I did." Mxyzptlk said. "Oh sorry, I'll stop reading your mind. It's a damn boring read."

"…why did you…?"

"Like I said, kid? I wanted to show you a world where you weren't born! And I did! Who's to say what you saw isnt what really would have happened, after all?" Mxyzptlk said. "I'm from the fifth dimension. In your shallow, dull world, my mind makes ANYTHING real."

"…but…why would you CARE?"

"I don't, kid." Mxyzptlk said. "But YOU do, oh so much. Oh boo hoo, my daddy was mean and my mommy is dead, and my girlfriend is denying me intercourse. Wahhh wahhhh wahhhh." Mxyzptlk said, and Noel suddenly found himself wearing a diaper and with a pacifier stuck in his mouth. He instinctively moved to yank them off of himself, then stopped. Might not be a good idea to annoy Mxyzptlk further.

"You think your suffering and grief is so important, that it means something for you to mope up onto this roof, separate from your other humans. Acting like the world somehow revolves around your whining. It came off you in such thick waves that even I noticed it." Mxyzptlk said. "You know, I thought Supes took things too seriously, but at least his boring nonsense is tied into helping these humans. YOUR boring nonsense is you acting like your displeasure is something great! So I figured, why not pop over here and teach him a little lesson? Before I go play for real with Supes? I quickly realized if I came as is, you'd run screaming, but if it was someone like Phantom Stranger? Oh Mr. Stranger, PLEASE show me how important I really am! You're not important kid. So get over yourself."

"…I think…" Noel said, carefully removing the pacifier. "You could have used a lighter touch."

"Oh, but where's the fun in THAT?" Mxyzptlk said. "It's much more fun to take a sledgehammer to your self-importance. Shall we do it all over again? Show you just how little you contribute? Or will you stop your whining and go away so I can properly annoy Superman?"

"…who's to say it affected me that much? Or at all?" Noel said.

"…oh ha ha. SURRRRRRRREEEEE." Mxyzptlk mocked. "And my name's Fred." The fifth-dimension imp even gestured and gave himself a nametag, which actually said 'My Name is Gullible Fred'. A moment later, Noel was wearing a bonnet and bobby slippers.

"Are we done trying to be defiant? Are you going to act proper? Or shall I actually de-age you into an infant so you can stop being concerned with all this _basonkdeso?_"

"……………………" Noel 'said'.

"I'm LISTENING……!"

"……………………..whatever, you derf." Noel said.

"…Derf? What's a derf?" Mxyzptlk said. Whatever he had begun to say next cut off, as he suddenly began to disappear. "Wait, what? WHAT? NO! WAIT! You stupid spell! I WAS BEING SARCAST-!"

And with a sound like an enormous soap bubble giving up the ghost, Mxyzptlk was gone.

Noel stared where the imp had been for several seconds, hardly believing it had worked. That fact was confirmed when he checked himself and found his baby clothing was gone. He looked around the roof, and then exhaled loudly.

"I'll be damned." Noel said. "I'll have to tell Superman about that one."

And with that, Noel turned and left the roof.

* * *

_Now._

"And that was that. I ran into you coming down the stairs, then Adam showed up, and we joined the others." Noel said, finishing his story. "Due to all the crap we'd already gone through, and the sheer surrealist nature of the story, I decided to hold off on telling you guys until later. Then something else happened, then that mess with Darkseid…and in the end I never got around to it."

"…hmmmm." Raven said. "So that was it?"

"Pretty much? I admit I got somewhat nervous 90 days later, but Mxyzptlk didn't come back. I guess he felt I was no fun. Or maybe I can pat myself on the back and he was ticked someone besides Superman outsmarted him."

"Don't get a swelled head." Raven said, poking Noel with her black power. "Still, I suppose I should be thankful he snapped you out of your funk. I guess he was somewhat angel-like after all."

"Maybe." Noel said, and yawned. "I think that Tamaranian stuff had a potent crash period, I'm suddenly feeling very sleepy. Perhaps that is why Star gave it out now."

"….mmmm." Raven said, snuggling close. "…actually wait. Noel, are you sure there was no time to tell it last year? Why not tell it Christmas Day? I'm sure the group would have gotten a kick out of it."

"Maybe I'll tell the others tomorrow. As for last year, there was a fair number of people I didn't want knowing these things. Too private. Well…and the other part."

* * *

_Christmas Day. One Year Ago._

In the past, Robin had made sure that everybody took turns opening presents so that everyone could take a good look at what the others got, and to make sure that the gift givers could enjoy the gratitude they had earned.

This plan was workable with five Titans, or six, or even ten. But with over forty? He had given up any efforts at order and had simply asked that the Titans keep track of who had given what. However, as the morning went on, it had become obvious said givers had communicated with each other poorly.

Because between them, the expanded Titans team had received fourteen copies of _Popular Shooting Game Death Match 4._

With only one TV, one Gamebox 480, and three controllers for said game discs.

Robin sighed as he heard the carnage outside, having retreated to the kitchen. "Well, at least this way they can work off some of that Turducken."

"Boys and their toys." Raven said, having also headed there.

"Oh really Rae?" Robin said, arching an eyebrow at her non-serious dismissive tone. "I recall you being much the same way when that Warner Brothers/Final Fantasy game came out. Looney Hearts 2, right?"

Raven blushed a bit. In the old days, she would have just retreated into a book. However, these clearly weren't the old days.

"Gotta love Looney Hearts. Sora/Cloud 4evah, LOL!" Raven said.

"…I'm going to pretend I didn't just hear you say an emoticon out loud."

"Probably best for everyone involved."

"And a Happy New Year." Noel said, walking into the kitchen via the other entrance.

"Oh look who's back. What happened, Scrooge kick you out of his club again?" Robin said: he'd left Cyborg as overseer and gone to bed by the time Noel had joined the other Titans last night.

"I was being serious."

"Oh…sorry man. Sometimes it's hard to tell with you. Glad you could join us."

"You and me both. So, what's going on in there?"

"A failure of logistics." Robin said. Over the din of battle, Speedy could be heard screaming, "I OPENED MINE FIRST SO I GET FIRST PLAY!" Then there was loud, stereo screaming in Spanish, but it was cut off by the sound of an explosive arrow.

"Remember the good old days, when Starfire WOULDN'T be joining them?" Raven said.

"I blame Gar for getting her started on that Wii. It's like a gateway drug." Robin replied.

"Heyyyyyyyyyyyy!" Met said, popping up. "I'm here to steal the ending away from the actual-current-time Titans!"

"………..right." Noel said. "Shall we just wave at the readers then?"

"Sure." Robin said, and all the Titans in the kitchen waved at you. "Happy holidays, and thanks to all our reader!"

"Robin, don't you mean readers?"

"I'm being realistic."

* * *

_**THE END**_

_**MERRY CHRISTMAS**_


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